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[SIZE=3]My boyfriend and I are in our 30s and have been dating almost a year. I am a Christian, not religious, but spiritual. I do attend church service from time to time. He does not believe in religion. When we first met, I was very honest about my beliefs; he didn’t seem to have any problems. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]We started talking about marriage at 6 months. We talked about how we should raise the kids when comes to religion. I told him it would be nice to take the kids to church sometimes, to show them there are choices in life, if they choose to believe in religion or not it’s up to them. He didn’t say anything after the initial discussion, but a few weeks later his attitude toward me completely changed. He started saying there was no way he was going to allow the kids to go to church, I am using him “to make Christian babies”, he was blinded by his feelings for me in the beginning, otherwise he would avoid a Christian like me. Now he doesn’t believe me no matter how much I tell him I don’t care about raising the kids in church. I am so hurt and I have no idea who he has been talking to regarding our relationship. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]A few days ago, he told me he has come up with a “perfect” compromise for our relationship. I can take the kids to church sometimes if I want to, only if I agree to allow him to have a surrogate child outside of our relationship and raise that child as my own with our future kids. His reason is that since he doesn’t trust me on the religion issue, if we get divorced, he wouldn’t have to lose all the kids to me. He could still keep his surrogate child since that child is not legally mine. He even said if I don’t agree, he is going to find some other woman to do it with him. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Help, I am so confused. I don’t think religion is the main problem here anymore. Is he trying to use that surrogate child to control me? How would you solve this? [/SIZE]
Any couple has to have similar life goals and plans in terms of family planning and kids. If the two of you cannot agree on a reasonable solution to raising your own children then you may not be a good match.
Raising someone else's kid for him to have a "backup" child in case you split is one of the most insane things I have heard... which is saying a lot for this forum!
He sounds manipulative, controlling, and possessing alterior motives.
[SIZE=3]My boyfriend and I are in our 30s and have been dating almost a year. I am a Christian, not religious, but spiritual. I do attend church service from time to time. He does not believe in religion. When we first met, I was very honest about my beliefs; he didn’t seem to have any problems. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]We started talking about marriage at 6 months. We talked about how we should raise the kids when comes to religion. I told him it would be nice to take the kids to church sometimes, to show them there are choices in life, if they choose to believe in religion or not it’s up to them. He didn’t say anything after the initial discussion, but a few weeks later his attitude toward me completely changed. He started saying there was no way he was going to allow the kids to go to church, I am using him “to make Christian babies”, he was blinded by his feelings for me in the beginning, otherwise he would avoid a Christian like me. Now he doesn’t believe me no matter how much I tell him I don’t care about raising the kids in church. I am so hurt and I have no idea who he has been talking to regarding our relationship. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]A few days ago, he told me he has come up with a “perfect” compromise for our relationship. I can take the kids to church sometimes if I want to, only if I agree to allow him to have a surrogate child outside of our relationship and raise that child as my own with our future kids. His reason is that since he doesn’t trust me on the religion issue, if we get divorced, he wouldn’t have to lose all the kids to me. He could still keep his surrogate child since that child is not legally mine. He even said if I don’t agree, he is going to find some other woman to do it with him. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Help, I am so confused. I don’t think religion is the main problem here anymore. Is he trying to use that surrogate child to control me? How would you solve this? [/SIZE]
Doesn't sound like anyone I'd like to be my life partner.
Unfortunately, I think he's got some serious issues. I also think you'd be better off breaking up, OP. I'm an atheist, but I respect other's beliefs, and I think the compromise you offered is more than fair and reasonable. My ex was mildly religious (but became more so after a number of years), and after our divorce did force our son to go to church with her, but he made up his own mind on the subject anyway. Before we split, we presented our views to him in a very balance and non-judmental fashion, and we were both content with that.
I have never belonged to any religion, and I agree that your bf is mentally ill. Paranoia will destroy ya'.
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