Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I see it like this. Whoever initiates and pursues have more power and control, because they are confident enough to go for it and decide who they want. Being passive and letting people come to you doesn't put you in a lot of control, because the person you want just may never come forward even if they feel the same. I see nothing wrong with pursuing. Just don't get over excited and worked up about one guy. Put on your shades and play it cool.
Thousands of years of social conditioning are hard to undo in just one half century.
True. It's just bizarre to me, though, because I don't encounter much of the old-fashioned gender roles in my social/dating circles. When I read this forum I feel like I entered a time machine sometimes. Many people here appear to live in a completely different dating world than I do. It's one I'm fascinated by, but am quite happy to not be a part of!
I see it like this. #1. Whoever initiates and pursues have more power and control, because they are confident enough to go for it and decide who they want. #2. Being passive and letting people come to you doesn't put you in a lot of control, because the person you want just may never come forward even if they feel the same. I see nothing wrong with pursuing. Just don't get over excited and worked up about one guy. Put on your shades and play it cool.
#1. This part is completely wrong. Person who pursues has already made their pick until they officially become dating. Person that is approached is in huge advantage until they both make a decent investment to level it out. Person who pursues is thus often expected not only to make the first approach, but to invest most if not all into variety, thinking of new places, new mutual activities, you name it.
#2. This is the part that I agree for the most part, but it's generally the consequence of choice #1. This is why only people who can attract enough attention can play the "passive role" and be very successful. Passive role gives the upper hand and active role pits you with lots of awkwardness, troubles, requiring decent amount of insight, etc, this list is really long.
Part that you didn't notice is that playing a passive role also requires different skills that can basically make you initiate the contact without "making the first move".
True. It's just bizarre to me, though, because I don't encounter much of the old-fashioned gender roles in my social/dating circles. When I read this forum I feel like I entered a time machine sometimes. Many people here appear to live in a completely different dating world than I do. It's one I'm fascinated by, but am quite happy to not be a part of!
It is kind of an internet thing where I thought most people were pretty lax about it apparently some folks are very rigid about things.
I see it like this. Whoever initiates and pursues have more power and control, because they are confident enough to go for it and decide who they want. Being passive and letting people come to you doesn't put you in a lot of control, because the person you want just may never come forward even if they feel the same. I see nothing wrong with pursuing. Just don't get over excited and worked up about one guy. Put on your shades and play it cool.
Yeah, but these internet people also exist in real life, right? Where are they that we're only running into them here?
Yeah they exist in real life but I guess its a matter of time and place.
I mean these conversations don't come up a lot and most people hang out with people similar to themselves so never hearing a descenting opinions.
We all have views that we intentionally and unintentionally reinforce.
I would look up the definition of the False Consensus Effect I'm pretty sure it sums up the internet and life in general.
And the world keeps turning.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
