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pur·sue
/pərˈso͞o/
Verb Follow (someone or something) to catch or attack them.
Seek to form a sexual relationship with (someone) in a persistent way.
Synonyms
follow - chase - hunt - prosecute - track
wikipedia
No, I have never and will never "pursue" any men.
I don't understand the mentality of pursuing anybody.
I am a very lazy person emotionally. I don't like men who are taken, play games, play hard to get. I don't like to second guessing people's motive. It is not fun or interesting to me at all.
Those men who are waiting to be pursued are instant turn off to me. When I go to the beach, play sports, I was there to entertain myself, to enjoy life. I was not there to check out men or to find potential dates. Looks alone doesn't impress me at all.
Men have to have the total package to be interesting and exciting in my humble opinion. All my past relationships started with a nice bright smile. The men smiled at me, came up to me and simply introduced themselves to me. No fancy pick up lines, "Hi, My name is so and so.." That is it. Besides the good looks, I certainly want a guy with superb interpersonal social skills. I like dare devil type of guys, I like guys who take chances. Talking to a girl and introducing himself is taking chances. If he cannot even do that, I won't be interested.
I don’t believe that men pursuing women is just old-fashioned socialization. I believe it is biological for MOST men to want to be the pursuer. It is part of the challenge most men enjoy of doing. On the other hand, I do not believe that women should play hard to get. The woman should flirt and show interest and if the guy is interested and pursues her, then she should not play games.
In more pluralistic societies, it is culturally acceptable (and on practical grounds almost essential!) for women to occasionally be the initiators. In more conservative societies, such as rural Midwestern America, women who “pursue” face severe inhibiting factors. I applaud all who try, but am dismayed at how few actually do try.
But the real question isn’t who pursues whom. The real question is how to create situations where single women and men can interact in a non-threatening manner conducive to initiating overtures for romantic contact. The social upheavals of the latter decades of the 20th century have removed the more common settings, such as the workplace, for viability as dating venues. Meanwhile, family influence (for example, as matchmakers) has also waned. The emerging problem is not with dating strategies per se, not with how to comport oneself or how to speak, but how to place oneself in an environment where there exists potential for meeting eligible people.
I agree with this. This is definitely the missing piece in the equation of dating today. We no longer set things up for people to interact and meet in, as you said, non-threatening ways.
If a man is not asking you out then he really is not that into you. For men, the women who are making their sex lives easy and bountiful are like 'low hanging fruit' that require little to no effort to obtain. When men are ready for marriage they go find a tall ladder and will climb to the top of the tree for the hard to get fruit.
If a man isn't asking a woman out, it could simply be that he's unaware of her existence. If he spends his days in the lab, the courtroom, the operating theater - please help me understand, how and by what means will he "pursue"? Yet are not such men at least theoretically the most desirable for marriage? Ought it not therefore be wise for women to initiate the pursuit... making inquiries, asking their friends and so forth, until one day a fellow walks into the guy's office, saying, "Sir, I received a note this morning from a Ms. XYZ; I'm not sure what it is, but perhaps you'd care to follow-up".
Here is another consideration: following the ladder analogy, some men are afraid of heights. They will never step on a ladder. Are the men unafraid of heights better husband-material? Maybe, but how many of those adroit acrobats will keep climbing different ladders, grabbing for more and more fruit?
Other men are entirely content with the low-hanging fruit, finding it to be nourishing and ripe. They eschew ladders as pointless encumbrance.
There IS an evolutionary impetus for men to be the pursuers, and women the pursued. And it's very strong. So? There's evolutionary impetus for gangs of men to attack other tribes, killing the males, raping and enslaving the females. So should we always be following what evolution dictates? Or maybe civilization offers some improvements?
I'm sorry but I am so tired of this feminist nonsense.
Yes, men will go out with, have sex with and even get into relationship with women who pursue them...but they usually do not marry those women. Men tend to not cherish what came so easily to them. A woman who pursues a man is NOT a challenge and most men love a challenge. The men who like to be pursued by women tend to be 'lazy' and generally are not strong men. These are the same men who want the woman to "wear the pants" and "bring home the bacon" while they sit around playing video games.
The feminist ideology has screwed up the dynamics been male/female relationship and it is such a travesty that so many women who bought into the nonsense are confused.
In some regard I agree with your post, but in another I disagree. Generally, I think all people like to be pursued, man or woman, and it doesn't make a man a "beta-male" because he enjoys the attention of women and those who will pursue him. In fact, some would argue the opposite, that these women who approach men are lacking in self-respect or self-esteem. The guy may not respect the girl who approaches him but will see her as an easy catch just for fun. That's not my take on it, but it's out there.
Now if a man refuses to approach any women because he just doesn't have the balls, that's one thing. He may just end up being a doormat and giving up total control to her. But waiting for a signal that she's showing some sign of mutual interest isn't such a bad thing. For one thing, most women don't want to be approached if they've got the bytch-shield up and they aren't giving off any vibes that they're interested. It pays for a man to try and read a woman's body language before approaching.
How many women really want THAT guy who goes around the room hitting on each and every attractive women until one finally gives in? People want to feel special, they don't want someone who is playing the "law of averages" and flirting with every single guy/girl in the room.
I think either way, it doesn't hurt to try. If the person says "no" after you've asked once, or if you go out and you can tell he's not feeling it (or if you're not feeling it), then you can and probably should move along. Problem solved!
If a man isn't asking a woman out, it could simply be that he's unaware of her existence. If he spends his days in the lab, the courtroom, the operating theater - please help me understand, how and by what means will he "pursue"? Yet are not such men at least theoretically the most desirable for marriage? Ought it not therefore be wise for women to initiate the pursuit... making inquiries, asking their friends and so forth, until one day a fellow walks into the guy's office, saying, "Sir, I received a note this morning from a Ms. XYZ; I'm not sure what it is, but perhaps you'd care to follow-up".
Here is another consideration: following the ladder analogy, some men are afraid of heights. They will never step on a ladder. Are the men unafraid of heights better husband-material? Maybe, but how many of those adroit acrobats will keep climbing different ladders, grabbing for more and more fruit?
Other men are entirely content with the low-hanging fruit, finding it to be nourishing and ripe. They eschew ladders as pointless encumbrance.
There IS an evolutionary impetus for men to be the pursuers, and women the pursued. And it's very strong. So? There's evolutionary impetus for gangs of men to attack other tribes, killing the males, raping and enslaving the females. So should we always be following what evolution dictates? Or maybe civilization offers some improvements?
Men being pursuers is not an evolutionary concept. Its a concept based at the core of our nature and there is nothing evolutionary or dynamic about it. It will never change.
But there is a much longer line of disappointed women who love asking men out yet wonder why their relationships never go anywhere.
If a man (shy, nerdy or otherwise) is really interested enough in a woman....he will pursue her. If a man is not asking you out then he really is not that into you. For men, the women who are making their sex lives easy and bountiful are like 'low hanging fruit' that require little to no effort to obtain. When men are ready for marriage they go find a tall ladder and will climb to the top of the tree for the hard to get fruit.
I agree with this 110%. I used to think and act like OP. I thought hey, if I like a guy why can't I go after what I want? A few years of dating and a lot of disappointment later, I see I was wrong. A man that really is interested in a woman WILL pursue her. And he will value her when and if he ever obtains her because she didn't just fall into his lap. He had to work for her! If a man really likes a woman, then she doesn't need to pursue him. She doesn't need to ask him for dates because he is so anxious to see her he's already made the date before she could even think to ask. She doesn't need to call and text him because she hasn't heard from him for days because he's calling her first. She doesn't have to wonder where the relationship is going because he makes it clear. He can't stand the thought of her meeting someone else and he's anxious to make their relationship exclusive. This is how it is.
I've dated guys where I thought gee why haven't I heard from him for a few days or why hasn't he asked me out again yet, or it's been a couple months and I don't know where this is going or if we're even exclusive. The old me thought well I'll just ask him! Now I see the truth - they just weren't that into me. Or maybe I just made it too easy for them and was too available, so they didn't appreciate me.
Yep, that's exactly what I meant... chase and pursue are synonymous (and annoy most likely, lol). The literal definition of pursue is, "Seek to form a sexual relationship with (someone) in a persistent way."
But asking out and making the first move are okay in my book. Some men are just a little shy. But once the woman breaks the ice, the man needs to help keep things going if he's interested (I would also say the same for women, keep things going if the man breaks the ice).
EDIT: But I will add that I also believe what Calipoppy is saying. Just because a guy says yes to a date or sex doesn't mean he's actually interested in you. If you ask a man out on a date 10 times and he always says yes... but never once asks you out on a date. Then I would think he's not interested. On the flip side, I think a woman is more likely to be interested if these roles were reserved.
Exactly. I'm more than happy to make plans and ask men out, but obviously it has backfired IMMENSELY for me in the past. I actually have issues with not asking men out if I like them...if I'm into you, you'll know because I'll blurt it out like a 5 year old kid.
I'd prefer a relationship that was a bit equal in that sense, where I'd ask sometimes, and he'd ask sometimes...all the pressure being on one person isn't fair IMO.
I think either way, it doesn't hurt to try. If the person says "no" after you've asked once, or if you go out and you can tell he's not feeling it (or if you're not feeling it), then you can and probably should move along. Problem solved!
This seems reasonable to me.
The "he must do all the chasing crowd" should rethink their stance a bit.
Or at least make it clearly known that you like the guy.
I'm not for this "chase chase chase" mentality that some women seem to put men through.
Big dawg needs a bone thrown his way once in a while, you dig???
I agree with this 110%. I used to think and act like OP. I thought hey, if I like a guy why can't I go after what I want? A few years of dating and a lot of disappointment later, I see I was wrong. A man that really is interested in a woman WILL pursue her. And he will value her when and if he ever obtains her because she didn't just fall into his lap. He had to work for her! If a man really likes a woman, then she doesn't need to pursue him. She doesn't need to ask him for dates because he is so anxious to see her he's already made the date before she could even think to ask. She doesn't need to call and text him because she hasn't heard from him for days because he's calling her first. She doesn't have to wonder where the relationship is going because he makes it clear. He can't stand the thought of her meeting someone else and he's anxious to make their relationship exclusive. This is how it is.
I've dated guys where I thought gee why haven't I heard from him for a few days or why hasn't he asked me out again yet, or it's been a couple months and I don't know where this is going or if we're even exclusive. The old me thought well I'll just ask him! Now I see the truth - they just weren't that into me. Or maybe I just made it too easy for them and was too available, so they didn't appreciate me.
Not really. I know dudes who pursue women just to sleep with them and dump them. Or you may pursue a woman and find out that she's not all what she's cracked up to be. He values her? Like a new car. What happens when he sees something newer and shinier?
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