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This is going to sound weird, maybe a little trollish, but it's the truth and I am genuinely concerned that this won't end well.
I have a female friend whose biological clock is ticking (she's 38) and she is aggressively seeking a man (online dating, speed-dating, etc.) for marriage and kids, and she won't be choosy.
But I know her too well, she spends most Sundays sleeping the day away. She reports to work everyday but is on notice for poor performance. Despite being fit and petite she is a low energy person who just doesn't do much, ever.
Yet having kids is at the top of her priorities, nothing else is close. So do women sometimes get motivated after having a kid? If she digs deep and gets the child care done, will she resent the child for making her work so hard?
I have a friend EXACTLY like this, same age, same extreme laziness, lack of motivation, everything. She's been searching high and low for a mate since I met her. It looks like she FINALLY found one, and it's heading towards marriage. I will be watching with interest to see how this situation pans out. I have a feeling it's not going to be the fantasyland she assumed it would be.
Maybe she truly does want to become a wife and mother? I mean, my own Mother says that nothing has made her prouder and happier than being a wife and mother and that from the time she was little that's what she was striving for.
Plus, women tend to have an expiration date on having children, men don't, which is why I think we see more of a 'panic' of sorts from women nearing that age.
While there is nothing wrong in making motherhood a goal, I think women who only want to be wife and mother don't have many ambitions. Society expects us to be parents and have a spouse, especially women. It is ingrained in our heads. I used to be that woman too. I am glad I met my husband, but could have been equally happy without. Nobody told me marriage and kids were choices. The single/childless around me werent that way because of choice.
I recall a book from church called "From Pigtails to Wedding Bells". The title alone assumes all females will marry or want to marry. Happiness for one person can be a living nightmare for another. Yet, society sees as 'doomed' or failures if we don't marry and reproduce. It doesn't seem like this woman truly wants to be wife and mother on her own terms but to get out of a situation.
While there is nothing wrong in making motherhood a goal, I think women who only want to be wife and mother don't have many ambitions. Society expects us to be parents and have a spouse, especially women. It is ingrained in our heads.
Actually I have to wonder what's wrong with not having ambition beyond having a husband, home, and children? That's how people have lived since the beginning of mankind, but somehow in the last 100 years we are looked down upon if we don't want to have a high powered career complete with business suits and briefcases and having to apologize for taking time off if your kids are sick and it seems to be a more distinctively American attitude, or anyplace people tend to be more materialistic. Don't get me wrong--I"m not accusing working women of valuing money over their families but the whole point of feminism was to offer women the choice to have a career outside the home and not every woman (or man) chooses it, though many feel societal pressure to. I was a SAHM for years and found plenty to keep me occupied but little of what I did made any money. I did make a difference though.
A kid born in a rushed, ill considered marriage? Doomed!
If the above were made illegal, the human race would die out within a few generations.
We have all seen women who are absolutely hopeless individuals with zero morality and self respect, blossom into wonderful mothers who drop their selfish ways completely and never go back to them.
Actually I think I might have been one of those.
What disturbs me the most here is you call yourself a friend, but you obviously don't respect or even like her very much.
Move on, she doesn't need your harsh judgement.
ETA: why is this in "relationships"? Do you think she might give you a roll out of sheer desperation if you hang around long enough?
So she like to sleep in on Sundays. She doesn't have kids or other obligations so she can do that. And that somehow means she'll be a bad mother? What is she supposed to be doing on weekends to be considered a good future mom, running around coaching the soccer team? I'm assuming she gets up to go to work on weekdays so she's capable of being responsible.
I'm the laziest person alive and LOVE sleeping in. Before having DS, me and DH would sleep in all weekend and not do anything beside basic chores. I still love sleeping in. But guess what - I get up and take care of DS every single day, and take him out and do everything I need to. For the first year of his life I got up every 2-3 hours at night to feed him - and I am a person who REALLY needs her sleep, but I survived. Doesn't mean I have tons of energy doing it, or that I don't need a couple cups of coffee to be alive , but I do it. It's not like only energizer bunnies are entitled to have kids.
Oh and guess what. When we come visit my parents who'll take DS on out on the weekend, I stay in bed and do absolutely nothing for as long as I can and it's heavenly. And I still don't think that makes me a bad mom.
Maybe she "doesn't do much" because she's more of an introvert than you. There is nothing wrong with that. She may or may not marry and have kids but it doesn't hinge on this. The only things is she will meet more people going out, but she may be BURNED OUT from online/speed dating and need the time to herself. I know I would.
I'd be just as concerned with what kind of parent she will be as what kind of man she will "settle" for to get what she wants. Kids have a way of not waiting to let you know what their needs are. Hopefully her mothering instincts come out and she cares for her baby properly. It might be a good idea for her to care for some friends babies and toddlers now and then and really get a feel for it and decide if she still wants that.
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