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Your posts so far give the impression you haven't, and I am wondering if that's the problem -- if you don't know what the thing you want looks like. Feels like.
Falling in love should happen within, I dunno, the first ten dates or so? (Help me out here, folks.) After that, the two of you should be unwilling to go more than a few days without seeing each other. You should be dropping by each other's work at lunchtime just to get 5 minutes together.
And if it doesn't look like things are headed in that direction by the third or fourth date, you should not still be seeing the guy.
I could have written your post except I'm 29. I think dating is just really tough. It's hard to find someone you click with and who is looking for the same kind of relationship you are. I haven't been on a date since December. I did online dating for a year and had a string of month or two relationships that didn't end well. Maybe take a break and think about what you may be doing wrong. Now that I've taken a break I can see that I wasn't choosing the right guys to date. All the guys I dated showed signs right from the beginning that they weren't looking for a relationship, had too many other things they were working out (unemployed, too recently out of other relationships, etc.), but we had chemistry and I thought maybe my gut feeling was wrong and things could work out. They didn't.
I hope things turn around for you. 31 is hardly too old to find someone. You're still young! I can't believe some of the crap people say here.
We already know you are shy and tend not to act clingy. However, how do you create attraction? I have been with shy women and while their shyness wasn't an issue, their passivity was. These women usually aren't very good at doing the things that keep a guy interested. And I'm definitely not talking about sex. A lot of women think just having sex with a guy will keep him around. This may work for a while but as you can see, sex will get old unless you are creating attraction.
We already know you are shy and tend not to act clingy. However, how do you create attraction? I have been with shy women and while their shyness wasn't an issue, their passivity was. These women usually aren't very good at doing the things that keep a guy interested. And I'm definitely not talking about sex. A lot of women think just having sex with a guy will keep him around. This may work for a while but as you can see, sex will get old unless you are creating attraction.
I think it's a fine line you have to walk between keeping someone interested and being considered 'clingy'. I know plenty of guys that date girls for months and if that girl surprised them at work they'd be complaining that she was 'stalking' them and being 'super clingy' and that they needed their space. I was called too clingy by my ex because I made cookies and surprised him at work when he got a promotion....this was after 2 years of being together. His coworkers thought it was sweet but he refused to come out to the front office area to see me.
Hell, I know guys who say if their girlfriend calls them more than once a week that they're suffocating them. So, everyone's view of what is acceptable is different.
I was called too clingy by my ex because I made cookies and surprised him at work when he got a promotion....this was after 2 years of being together. His coworkers thought it was sweet but he refused to come out to the front office area to see me.
I think that is really psycho behaviour on the part of your ex. Did he turn out to be cheating on you?
Your posts so far give the impression you haven't, and I am wondering if that's the problem -- if you don't know what the thing you want looks like. Feels like.
Falling in love should happen within, I dunno, the first ten dates or so? (Help me out here, folks.) After that, the two of you should be unwilling to go more than a few days without seeing each other. You should be dropping by each other's work at lunchtime just to get 5 minutes together.
And if it doesn't look like things are headed in that direction by the third or fourth date, you should not still be seeing the guy.
We already know you are shy and tend not to act clingy. However, how do you create attraction? I have been with shy women and while their shyness wasn't an issue, their passivity was. These women usually aren't very good at doing the things that keep a guy interested. And I'm definitely not talking about sex. A lot of women think just having sex with a guy will keep him around. This may work for a while but as you can see, sex will get old unless you are creating attraction.
How do you create attraction? We didn't have a lot of hobbies in common but I was willing to learn some of his. For instance he was really into fishing and he had asked me to go with him the week I broke it off with him, so if that had come to be I think that might've turned out to be something along the lines of what you are referring to.
I think that is really psycho behaviour on the part of your ex. Did he turn out to be cheating on you?
Yep, towards the end of our relationship.
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