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Tell your husband. I assume if the roles were reversed you'd want him to tell you?
It isn't as though you haven't given him enough warnings. You've tried to handle it in a way that couldn't affect their friendship but your husbands friend obviously doesn't give a toss about the friendship anyway. You'll probably be doing your husband a favour by letting him know what an untrustworthy dick his 'friend' is.
Absolutely tell your husband. This doesn't weaken you in any way. It demonstrates the power of your commitment. It's not about him "rescuing" you at all. You are partners, and he needs to know exactly what his so-called friend thinks of him.
Wouldn't YOU want your husband to tell you if your BFF were hitting on him??
The next time he "stops by" if you can call your husband then hand the guy the phone so he can explain to your husband why he is at his home with his wife unannounced when the friend knows your husband is at work. If you can work it out as soon as you see the friend's vehicle call your husband and be on the phone when you answer the door. Then you can either hand the phone to the friend or ask your husband if the guy is there to pick up something that he is going to borrow. Make it as normal as possible like it was not planned even though it was. That may do the trick and later when your husband gets home just tell him what the guy has done and the reason why you did not mention it years ago.
I think I like this idea. Just putting him on the spot as much as possible. Let him explain what the hell is going on. He was always kind of a douchebag, but he was never my friend. I still wanna hit him. I'm not very good with words, I don't say much, but I know how to leave a mark.
Thanks for the advice. I'm going to start shifting this issue over to my husband. I tried, but it's his friend so it makes it his problem. He shouldn't have such a douchebag friend. Previous poster was right. I wouldn't expect my husband to deal with this. Why am I?
I should have said something to my husband years back, but I thought I had it under control. My husband's closest friend used to hit on me. I was straight forward with him and he backed off. Problem solved, no need to start anything between old friends. Ten years later, he's started up again out of nowhere. I'm not worried about my fidelity. I'm not interested in his friend in any way, shape or form. It's just, the guy's being an annoying douchebag and handsy. I'm home with the kids all day and he has shown up a couple of times this week.
Would I be justified if I just hit him next time to get the message across? It would be easier just to tell my husband, but then I'd feel bad if it screws up their friendship. Is there a low drama way to handle this idiocy? I'm happily married to his friend, with three kids, 20 lbs overweight and obviously not interested. I just don't understand why he's risking their friendship for nothing. It doesn't make any sense. What the hell is wrong with him?
No, don't tell your husband. You are a big girl and you should handle it alone.
I guess he is sensing some weakness that's why he is trying. You have to be clear and firm.
^^ This ^^ No need to be so dramatic. Handle it yourself
Absolutely tell your husband. This doesn't weaken you in any way. It demonstrates the power of your commitment. It's not about him "rescuing" you at all. You are partners, and he needs to know exactly what his so-called friend thinks of him.
Wouldn't YOU want your husband to tell you if your BFF were hitting on him??
Do not hit the guy.
Fine, I won't hit him. But wouldn't you want to hit someone that keeps getting in your space? I don't think it's stupid to want to hit the guy after he's made things so awkward and uncomfortable and embarrassing in my own damn home.
Don't need to be dramatic. Just a simple, 'honey, your friend is hitting on me' without any hysterics.
Exactly.
They don't need to have a duel with pistols at dawn.
You aren't being less of a grown-up or "turning it over" to your husband to handle it FOR you. You're bringing your partner into a situation he absolutely needs to know about. If you continue to hide it from him, it's like lying to him.
Wanting to hit him is not stupid. It's hella immature, though.
My guess is that the friend DOES enjoy the secrecy of it, and once your husband knows it will be like cold water in the friend's face.
I agree that you need to take care of this yourself. If you try to bring it up you your husband now, after so many years of dealing with it, it will most likely cause some distrust as to why you never brought it up before.
Most likely you are not being clear enough to the creep, saying things that leave room for him to think he's got a shot with you. You are probably being just too nice about it. For example: if you say something like "No, I'm married, I can't" he could interpret it to mean... "I want to, but don't want my husband to find out". It sucks, but even men read into things, just like women do.
Be direct, and clear, and be mean if you need to be, but get your point across that he needs to keep his hands off you.
^^ This ^^ No need to be so dramatic. Handle it yourself
So then, what would you do at this point? I'd prefer to handle it myself. If I were still confident I could deal with it without escalating into a worse situation. I've run out of my own ideas which haven't worked so far. I'm feeling pretty stupid by this point. If you've got a better way, please share.
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