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He's saying I'm the one who has been "flirting" and that I invited him over.
That's what happens when you wait until your spouse goes to work and then invite some "douchebag" inside your home with whom you say you have a history with. Let this be a lesson.
The thread only started 2 days ago
Sorry I was late to the party
^^^^^This
Agree!
Don't get me wrong O.P,you handled it the best way you know how.
You're a victim in all of this!
The question for me and some other people is,where you a willing Victim in all this?
This could of easily ended with a door Slam and a middle finger to the perpetrator.
In ten years he hasn't given me a problem. I didn't think to worry about it. Other people have dropped in during the day sometimes. I didn't have any reason to fear him, so I didn't.
As a woman, a married woman, something comes to mind:
Given this guy's history of hitting on her in the past, why did OP let this "friend" of husband into her home (on how many occasions?) thus giving him an opportunity to be "handy"??
No entrance, no opportunity. Allowing entrance into home can send mixed signals to "friend."
This could have been handled a long time ago by telling this "friend" that she didn't want him coming around when her husband's not home...and not letting him past her doorstep..and telling him if he comes again, she'll let her husband know about "friend's" inappropriate behavior.
Maybe the OP's anger in wanting to hit the "friend" is some anger at herself? Just saying...
This is pretty much in line with my thinking.
To allow this to go on for so long and remain silent could be misconstrued as being a signal that "it's OK to play this game". When someone is doing something wrong and you remain silent and allow it to continue, as far as I'm concerned, you become a willing participant.
To allow this to go on for so long and remain silent could be misconstrued as being a signal that "it's OK to play this game". When someone is doing something wrong and you remain silent and allow it to continue, as far as I'm concerned, you become a willing participant.
NO, you don't become a willing participant. Not at all. But what you DO unwittingly become is an enabler of a predator. The OP didn't know how serious the situation was, hence her confusion and her recourse to an online forum. She didn't know that predators will always push the envelope, so if you give them an inch, they're interpret it as a green light to take a mile. It hadn't even occurred to her that she was dealing with someone with a predatory psychological profile, and a chronic "offender" at that. All of this has become clear in hindsight.
She's now learned a very important lesson about human nature and deviant behavior. If anything remotely like this comes up in her life in the future, she'll deal with it differently.
This kind of thing may be crystal clear to guys, but it is far from most women's minds. Cut the OP some slack.
NO, you don't become a willing participant. Not at all. But what you DO unwittingly become is an enabler of a predator. The OP didn't know how serious the situation was, hence her confusion and her recourse to an online forum. She didn't know that predators will always push the envelope, so if you give them an inch, they're interpret it as a green light to take a mile. It hadn't even occurred to her that she was dealing with someone with a predatory psychological profile, and a chronic "offender" at that. All of this has become clear in hindsight.
She's now learned a very important lesson about human nature and deviant behavior. If anything remotely like this comes up in her life in the future, she'll deal with it differently.
This kind of thing may be crystal clear to guys, but it is far from most women's minds. Cut the OP some slack.
In ten years he hasn't given me a problem. I didn't think to worry about it. Other people have dropped in during the day sometimes. I didn't have any reason to fear him, so I didn't.
OP, your husband's soon-to-be ex-friend clearly has an m.o. that he's successfully used time and again with other women. This guy is a sleaze. You don't deserve an epic FAIL, because many women become confused in this type of situation, they don't know they're dealing with a master manipulator and predator who is a chronic offender in this regard, and has a whole m.o. worked out down to how to cast the blame on others and cover his tracks thereby. You thought it was just a couple of incidents years ago, and now suddenly it resurfaces. You didn't know he does this sort of thing methodically and routinely.
And of course you can explain to your hubby that you thought you could handle it yourself by smacking the guy and getting touch, and that you didn't want to upset his friendship with the guy. This is an emotional situation, so don't worry about dissolving into tears. If you need any back-up proof that you were freaked out and confused (sounds like your hubby believes you, though), you can show him this thread.
It'll all be ok in the end, OP. Don't worry. We're with you.
Thanks for all the advice. I thought I should update/conclude. We talked but are going for a date night this weekend to discuss exactly what happened. I tried to avoid giving my husband something to worry about or to feel jealous over by not bringing it up in the first place and sorting it out myself. And the outcome was the opposite of what I was going for. He guessed what happened but surprisingly wasn't that far off from from the mark. He didn't guess I was stupid enough to let his friend in the house a second time after the awkward first visit. And yeah, they're not friends anymore.
Gratefully, this seems to be over without any further drama.
I can think of another reason to be grateful the friendship is over. You have kids, right?
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