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Old 05-27-2013, 11:43 PM
 
Location: Over the rainbow
257 posts, read 295,423 times
Reputation: 395

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What are your expectations? If you are just dating and having a good time - appreciate the attention, affection and good time.
If you are looking for a husband - you sound to concerned about his age. You aren't just accepting him as is. I find love and fear can't exist together - fear wins and will ruin the relationship.
You are only at the beginning stage of a relationship ... the "chemistry" is hot. Relationships go through many stages and who knows - you may find it was a great experience but not for the long term.
Relax and enjoy and if you can't, move on.

 
Old 05-28-2013, 12:27 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,204 posts, read 107,859,557 times
Reputation: 116118
Quote:
Originally Posted by crumbledcookie123 View Post
I get plenty of male attention. Just none from men like him-and I'm not talking agewise.
Then maybe you should look at why you don't meet the kind of men you want to meet within your age group, and work on that.
 
Old 05-28-2013, 01:00 AM
 
16,488 posts, read 24,476,977 times
Reputation: 16345
If you care for him and if you are enjoying the relationship, which it sounds like you are, I would just enjoy you time with him. It isn't like you are going to marry him tomorrow. For now it is good, so live in the now and don't get caught up with it.
 
Old 05-28-2013, 03:26 AM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,369,736 times
Reputation: 43059
Quote:
Originally Posted by brokencrayola View Post
If you care for him and if you are enjoying the relationship, which it sounds like you are, I would just enjoy you time with him. It isn't like you are going to marry him tomorrow. For now it is good, so live in the now and don't get caught up with it.
Yeah, this. You can just ride it till the wheels fall off. Don't overthink this if he's treating you well and you're having a good time.

Also, my father is 82 and still beats men who are 20 years younger on the tennis court. I came into his life when he was 45. You never know how stuff is going to play out.
 
Old 05-28-2013, 04:37 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,395 posts, read 24,447,211 times
Reputation: 17472
And/or you can do the unimaginable and talk to him about your age difference. Just an idea.

Last edited by ellie; 05-28-2013 at 05:16 AM..
 
Old 05-28-2013, 07:58 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,563,461 times
Reputation: 53073
Thinking through what YOUR expectations are is a good thing...but do you know what HIS expectations are?

You may be a momentary diversion. It's not unheard of for executive types to churn through younger women who give them attention. How into things does he seem (aside from the "I work a lot, so don't expect to see me except sporadically" thing)?

He might be completely into you, as well...but it's a good idea to get an inkling of what the lay of the land is like for the other person. Older men who frequent spots where they'll come into contact with inebriated much younger women often aren't the ones looking for "happily ever after."
 
Old 05-28-2013, 08:06 AM
 
Location: Kansas
25,957 posts, read 22,107,325 times
Reputation: 26686
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Do you think he's likely to stay with you and have a serious LTR? In 20 years, to you want to be caring for a bald, possibly somewhat ailing, slow guy who's pushing 70?

It doesn't sound like you're in love with him, OP. It sounds like you're trying to talk yourself into this because you've only had 1 bf before, and generally don't get much male attention. Plus he treats you well. So you're asking us to say this is ok, even though you're having doubts. And still have doubts even though some people have said it's ok.

You'd probably be happier with someone closer to your age who shares your interests and who also treats you right. They do exist, in your age-range as well as others.
I agree with this post. I was thinking that since the OP lost her father at an early age that this is a replacement for dad. I saw one of my cousins so this and they were married until he died BUT she was a widow at an early age. My parents had a 10 year difference and I never thought that was greatest idea.

A 50 year old and a 70 year old, big difference much more than the difference the OP now sees just as the quote above implies.
 
Old 05-28-2013, 08:14 AM
 
Location: Canada
11,794 posts, read 12,028,825 times
Reputation: 30414
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
And/or you can do the unimaginable and talk to him about your age difference. Just an idea.
Crazy talk! j/k

Years ago I briefly dated a guy who was 18 years older than I was, but the age gap really bothered me. To think that he'd be 59 now...wow. I just couldn't do it, the age gap was too great and we were not at similar places in life, nor would we ever be. He was a great person, but just not a great fit.

If it bothers you, be honest. He might not like it, but you can't dispute or invalidate someone's feelings.

A few weeks ago I met a friend of SO's, who is 42, and his new GF is 21. His buddy said "Oh you'll love her, she's really mature for her age, and you have a lot in common". She was not mature at all, honestly seemed to be trying to play grown up, and she looked like she was about 15 years old. I'm fairly adaptable to any situation, but it was awkward because she was at a table of 40+ year olds, all people who are old enough to be her parent, and it seemed like it was a dad taking his daughter out for dinner that night.

She's the exact same age as my former stepdaughter, so I had a hard time getting past that as well, since I had a hand in raising her since she was 5. I made polite chit-chat with her but at 41 myself, I don't have anything in common with a 21 year old girl, other than I used to be one 20 years ago.

There are some age-gap relationships that work, and each relationship will depend on the two people involved, not just their ages, but it isn't for everyone, and it's okay that it's not.
 
Old 05-28-2013, 07:01 PM
 
29 posts, read 46,162 times
Reputation: 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Thinking through what YOUR expectations are is a good thing...but do you know what HIS expectations are?

You may be a momentary diversion. It's not unheard of for executive types to churn through younger women who give them attention. How into things does he seem (aside from the "I work a lot, so don't expect to see me except sporadically" thing)?

He might be completely into you, as well...but it's a good idea to get an inkling of what the lay of the land is like for the other person. Older men who frequent spots where they'll come into contact with inebriated much younger women often aren't the ones looking for "happily ever after."
I have no idea what his expectations are. I had no idea how to ask him when I spent time with him. Partly because it'd seem awkward ("out of the blue") to bring up and early? (is it ever early?) and I didn't think about mine yet. I was just "having fun." And then I slept with him. I have no idea if I should feel played or stupid right now.

I'm not saying that he "didn't seem into it." I'm very sensitive to that. I've managed to avoid guys that weren't "into it" and just wanted sex.

I've stuck around because I figured that this is just how he is. He told me his mom had to ask him to call her more and his sisters complain about him not replying to phone calls or texts quickly enough and about an ex that felt he didn't contact her enough.

Whenever he was free which is usually on the weekends (prime going out time) he'd want to see me. Also, he bought up the age difference first. (I didn't know what to say about it. He mentioned that he felt like he was robbing the cradle but that this isn't unheard of where he's originally from. Also, his ex was about 15 or so years younger than him.) He asked me how many kids I wanted. What are my plans career-wise, etc. Are these questions for a diversion?

Not to say that I'm okay with any of it but I didn't take it personally. Now that I've been seeing him for a while I feel like I need to make a decision.

He visits this place once every few months. The people who go are late 20s to early 40s. I was wondering what he was doing in there too.

I'm not sure what to talk about when I next see him now. My expectations? His expectations? You're a great guy BUT?
 
Old 05-28-2013, 07:12 PM
 
29 posts, read 46,162 times
Reputation: 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by laurenaus View Post
I've dated an older AND younger workaholic before. Not ideal--you'll find your needs not being met. It's very difficult when work is placed before you as a priority. I guess he's fine for the occasional hookup? Just wouldn't take it that serious
I think this is why he hasn't been married before...

On the workaholic note, I dated this OTHER executive type (not really I BARELY saw him he was getting his MBA and working at the same time) and he had a conversation with me over the phone about "managing exectations." I felt insulted and stopped answering his texts.

I think I should go back to engineers or something. This is not looking good for me.
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