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I'll try to make this brief, last Fall I dated a guy for six weeks. I'm a widow and he's the first man that I dated since my husband passed away. The relationship wasn't bad but I felt like we weren't connecting physically and that we weren't spending enough time together. Basically something was off. It was complicated, I have a young child and I was still dealing with the loss of my husband and he was dealing with some issues of his own. We parted fairly friendly and didn't speak for almost two months.
Anyway, in that time I casually dated another man but I thought about the first guy often. Then one day out of the blue he called me and we started talking again. We talked for a few weeks before seeing each other and eventually we started dating again. We've been dating now for about a month.
Things are much different this time around and it's pretty much a completely different relationship. The sex is amazing, we spent a lot of time together and I just introduced him to my son (I was very hesitant to do so but it was getting impossible to hide the relationship.) I'm happy, he's happy, things are good.
Anyway, here's the problem, the other night after a few drinks and a few hours of very intense sex he said “the words". We were cuddling and he whispered “I love you" very softy but I definitely heard him. I was kind of shocked because we haven't been together very long. I do care about him very much and I feel like I could fall in love with him but I'm just not there yet so I said nothing and we fell asleep right after.
In the morning I didn't say anything about it and either did he and at first he seemed a little upset with me but as the day went on he went back to acting normal and everything has been fine since.
Here's my question, should I just let this go or talk to him about it? I don't know what to do because I care about him a lot and don't want to hurt him by ignoring him but I also don't want to embarrass him by bringing it up. I'm thinking too that maybe he was just a bit tipsy from the alcohol and was feeling love drunk at the moment because we did just have an amazing evening. It's been a few days so I'm leaning towards letting it go but I'm curious as to what other people think.
...the other night after a few drinks and a few hours of very intense sex he said “the words".
I was kind of shocked because we haven't been together very long.
I do care about him very much and I feel like I could fall in love with him
but I'm just not there yet so I said nothing and we fell asleep right after.
...should I just let this go or talk to him about it?
Be prepared to talk about it.
Be as specific or expansive as you like but DO have the discussion and DO be honest.
As to when... where... how... etc... you're on your own.
But keep an eye and an ear open for the NEXT opportunity to.
When my now-husband said "I love you" for the first time, I didn't say it back for a few weeks. I know it must have sucked for him, but I wasn't ready to say it yet because I was uncertain if I did, in fact, love him. I don't recall our having any type of conversation about it. Really, anytime someone says that for the first time, they need to be prepared for it not to be immediately reciprocated.
Personally I'd let it go myself but ONLY if things were still back to normal and nothing is lingering on his part.
But if you yourself would like to know if it was the just drink talking or if he really meant it and it would play on your mind then I think it's better to clarify it with him and have chat about it.
I know you don't want to hurt his feelings or make him feel awkward about it but should the talk occur but I think he would be quite understanding that you are not at the same level yet because of your late husband.
Thanks for the responses everyone. I definitely won't say it unless I mean it and I do see potential for love but those words mean a lot to me and I won't say them unless I'm 100% sure.
I guess I'm a little confused. I know he likes me but I don't know if he really does love me yet. I know that sometimes after really intense sex with him I've been tempted to say the words too but great sex can play tricks with my mind so I know better and shut up.
I just really care about him and don't want him to feel hurt in any way. We're both damaged people who have been through a lot and I have always been honest with him. I feel weird not talking about this. I don't like games. Maybe I should talk to him.
Thanks for the responses everyone. I definitely won't say it unless I mean it and I do see potential for love but those words mean a lot to me and I won't say them unless I'm 100% sure.
I guess I'm a little confused. I know he likes me but I don't know if he really does love me yet. I know that sometimes after really intense sex with him I've been tempted to say the words too but great sex can play tricks with my mind so I know better and shut up.
I just really care about him and don't want him to feel hurt in any way. We're both damaged people who have been through a lot and I have always been honest with him. I feel weird not talking about this. I don't like games. Maybe I should talk to him.
If he's had a rough time ( " damaged " ) and been through it then I personally think he would be more open to the talk than you think as he'd much rather things being out in the open as much as possible as most people that's been through it appreciate and respect honesty more than most ( again only my opinion ).
Imagine bringing it up and he says, "I said WHAT?!"
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