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This is relationship based due to the dynamics with my ex.
My ex is with the woman he left me for, but denies having an affair with her. He walked out of the marriage for her because he refused to cut all ties with her, and then immediately got an apartment with her. Been living together for many months now.
While dealing with court issues this week, his father - a self described "good, Christian man" and ordained pastor, commented to my father that my ex isn't reeeaaallly doing anything wrong with this other woman. Sure, he sleeps with her, but "remains fully clothed and sleeps on top of the sheets" when they share a bed.
It would take some kind of special to buy this excuse, and apparently his father is in such a state of denial that he is eating it up.
Meanwhile, his father also believes that I was having a number of affairs over the years of our marriage only because my ex told him I was. No other grounds or proof to speak of, just my ex's word.
I have to maintain the relationship with my former inlaws due to having a child in the mix.
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So, that brings the question - how do you take someone seriously that is in such a very apparent state of denial and being oblivious to the obvious?
Can you take them seriously after that?
How do you move forward if you have to interact with them fully knowing that they have a certain opinion of you that has no truth, but they believe it as truth with their entire soul?
This is relationship based due to the dynamics with my ex.
My ex is with the woman he left me for, but denies having an affair with her. He walked out of the marriage for her because he refused to cut all ties with her, and then immediately got an apartment with her. Been living together for many months now.
While dealing with court issues this week, his father - a self described "good, Christian man" and ordained pastor, commented to my father that my ex isn't reeeaaallly doing anything wrong with this other woman. Sure, he sleeps with her, but "remains fully clothed and sleeps on top of the sheets" when they share a bed.
It would take some kind of special to buy this excuse, and apparently his father is in such a state of denial that he is eating it up.
Meanwhile, his father also believes that I was having a number of affairs over the years of our marriage only because my ex told him I was. No other grounds or proof to speak of, just my ex's word.
I have to maintain the relationship with my former inlaws due to having a child in the mix.
**************
So, that brings the question - how do you take someone seriously that is in such a very apparent state of denial and being oblivious to the obvious?
Can you take them seriously after that?
How do you move forward if you have to interact with them fully knowing that they have a certain opinion of you that has no truth, but they believe it as truth with their entire soul?
I dunno, go out and "date" a few of his friends all the while telling him that strobe light he sees going off in your room, when he pulls up....while you meet him in a robe, with his best friends car in the driveway...warm....is really a "bible session" and/or a "prayer group".
Tell him if he sticks around long enough, he'll hear someone yelling "OH GOD!!! YES YES YESSSSSS!!!" in said prayer/bible study group to prove your "point". You might also want to break it to him that you are "dating" the heck out his friends and you plan to "date" their brains out as apparently THEY have the libido he lacked?
Tell him that thanks to his new found "Amish-like piety" , you have become "closer to God", usually in the evening, and that you plan to scream and celebrate his his name with utter joy AND volume with his friends as often as possible this summer and perhaps fall.
Pile on I say. Livin' Large my friend..livin' large....sure... Hey, If you can't have fun in life, why go through it? Just saying....
Let us pray....
You know, living well truly is the sweetest form of revenge?
I WOULD laugh, when the FIL said those things. Laughing is an important social signal. You laugh and then you say, 'Oh! You mean that! You actually think I was the one who cheated??!'
Then he can go ahead and believe what he wants. I wouldn't bring it up again.
Alternate plan: Pretend it really is a joke. Laugh and so, 'Oh, JimBob, you are such a card!'
I've had this problem with my ex's a couple of times. They didn't lie about me (Thank god!). But the stuff they pass on that their new wives say, sheesh.
One, when he and wife were interviewing nannies, said, 'We've decided that we want someone who is older, so that she already has experience raising her own kids.' Surrrrre... that is the reason wifey gave you. Not because she doesn't want someone young and hot running around the house in her undies.
I mean, there is a serious lack of boundaries in your ex's family.
You can't do anything about it. You just ignore them as much as you can.
And if the "child in the mix" is your child, and this ex-FIL is their grandfather, DO NOT say anything in front of the child that you don't want repeated to his grandparents.
I mean, there is a serious lack of boundaries in your ex's family.
You can't do anything about it. You just ignore them as much as you can.
And if the "child in the mix" is your child, and this ex-FIL is their grandfather, DO NOT say anything in front of the child that you don't want repeated to his grandparents.
Yes, the child is mine and they are the grandparents.
Lucky for me - child is still very young, 14 months, and unable to verbalize anything I say at this time. I am absolutely not going to make the mistake of making statements that should not be repeated in front of my son in the future.
It is not that I am out to prove them any differently --- just that awkward state when I show up to give them grandparent time, have to nod and smile and pretend like everything is hunky dory despite the massive elephant in the room. My son is young enough and doesn't have a good relationship with his grandparents that we are not comfortable leaving him alone with them at this time. ("We" as in the FIL, MIL and myself; ex is 700 miles away from all of us, so he doesn't do grandparent time and his parents see our son more than he does because I facilitate it. FIL isn't very kid savvy, MIL is a stroke victim that can't manage the child on her own).
--- just that awkward state when I show up to give them grandparent time, have to nod and smile and pretend like everything is hunky dory despite the massive elephant in the room. .
A lot of relationships are like that, in-law or not. It's unfortunate, but common.
And no fun when it's your own "family."
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My son is young enough and doesn't have a good relationship with his grandparents that we are not comfortable leaving him alone with them at this time. ("We" as in the FIL, MIL and myself; ex is 700 miles away from all of us, so he doesn't do grandparent time and his parents see our son more than he does because I facilitate it. FIL isn't very kid savvy, MIL is a stroke victim that can't manage the child on her own).
