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I have been with my boyfriend (I'm a woman for the record) for more than three years now. The other day, we were in bed together. Normally we do "dirty talk" involving situations we could be in together because we both enjoy that. He started talking about three girls "getting together" (I'll leave it at that). It really turned me on and I enjoyed it.
I consider myself straight, because I don't have a desire to actually have sex with other women or date them, but women getting naughty with each other really turns me on and always has. I used to watch lesbian porn. However, thinking about corruption in the porn industry, as well as my boyfriend saying it made him uncomfortable made me stop. I haven't watched any pornographic material in over 2 years and don't miss it or anything.
Anyway, after we were finished, he asked me if it turned me on and I said yes. Boy was that a mistake. He became INFURIATED and spent hours telling me how "effed up" I am, how I'm screwed up, I'm a "pervert" and a "sexual deviant" and a bunch of other things I can't type here. He said that I should never had enjoyed a fantasy that included other people, men or women, and I should have stopped him. Basically, it was a "test" and I failed.
Then he went on and on about how he wants to date a woman who isn't "messed up" and started talking about my ex friends, his ex gfs, and his friends' wives and how they don't have the fantasies I do and how he was hoping I would "get over it" and fix my issues. I wanted to say "how do you know what fantasies they have or don't have" but I didn't bother.
The fighting continued all night and into the next day. The following night, we were talking about it and I said something like "I was just exploring a fantasy together that I thought we could both enjoy. I didn't mean to hurt you. Maybe we have different boundaries of what's ok, so we will have to work together to make sure we both know what's acceptable."
He became infuriated again and started looking up female celebrities on the internet and talking about how great their bodies were and how they were better than mine saying, "what I'm just enjoying other people like you were. What's the harm? I have the same boundaries as you now." When I didn't get upset, he started watching lesbian porn in front of me. We have a "no porn" rule that he originally initiated. This really irritated and hurt me. I told him it hurt me and he wouldn't stop.
Finally, out of extreme hurt and irritation and in an effort to show him how immature he was being, I did something that I admit now was immature. I started pretending to masturbate. I wasn't actually doing it. I knew he would get angry, but I was hoping I would shock him out of his behavior.
Instead, he walked up to me and slapped me across the face. It wasn't hard enough to leave a bruise or cause me to bleed, but it was hard enough that the side of my face is still tender and slightly swollen. Then he inserted his finger in me against my will. I was shocked, hurt, and humiliated.
He says he is "sorry" for hitting me but that I "escalated" the situation. When I say he should never have hit me no matter what I did, he just goes back to how I was in the wrong for enjoying a sexual fantasy that included other people and that I betrayed him. He won't even address putting his finger in me. He just brushes it off like it's no big deal. When I point out that it was sexual assault he rolls his eyes and says "so call the cops on me then."
I have always known that I am more sexual than most women. I am always horny, I've had a lot of sex, and I am not shy about masturbation and sexual desires. But am I really a "pervert" and a "deviant?" for having lesbian fantasies or fantasies about other people having sex? Am I really "effed up" like he says?
\ But am I really a "pervert" and a "deviant?" for having lesbian fantasies or fantasies about other people having sex? Am I really "effed up" like he says?[/quote]
No, you're not. I would only consider you to be "effed up" if you stay in a relationship with a guy like that.
I have been with my boyfriend (I'm a woman for the record) for more than three years now. The other day, we were in bed together. Normally we do "dirty talk" involving situations we could be in together because we both enjoy that. He started talking about three girls "getting together" (I'll leave it at that). It really turned me on and I enjoyed it.
I consider myself straight, because I don't have a desire to actually have sex with other women or date them, but women getting naughty with each other really turns me on and always has. I used to watch lesbian porn. However, thinking about corruption in the porn industry, as well as my boyfriend saying it made him uncomfortable made me stop. I haven't watched any pornographic material in over 2 years and don't miss it or anything.
Anyway, after we were finished, he asked me if it turned me on and I said yes. Boy was that a mistake. He became INFURIATED and spent hours telling me how "effed up" I am, how I'm screwed up, I'm a "pervert" and a "sexual deviant" and a bunch of other things I can't type here. He said that I should never had enjoyed a fantasy that included other people, men or women, and I should have stopped him. Basically, it was a "test" and I failed.
Then he went on and on about how he wants to date a woman who isn't "messed up" and started talking about my ex friends, his ex gfs, and his friends' wives and how they don't have the fantasies I do and how he was hoping I would "get over it" and fix my issues. I wanted to say "how do you know what fantasies they have or don't have" but I didn't bother.
The fighting continued all night and into the next day. The following night, we were talking about it and I said something like "I was just exploring a fantasy together that I thought we could both enjoy. I didn't mean to hurt you. Maybe we have different boundaries of what's ok, so we will have to work together to make sure we both know what's acceptable."
He became infuriated again and started looking up female celebrities on the internet and talking about how great their bodies were and how they were better than mine saying, "what I'm just enjoying other people like you were. What's the harm? I have the same boundaries as you now." When I didn't get upset, he started watching lesbian porn in front of me. We have a "no porn" rule that he originally initiated. This really irritated and hurt me. I told him it hurt me and he wouldn't stop.
Finally, out of extreme hurt and irritation and in an effort to show him how immature he was being, I did something that I admit now was immature. I started pretending to masturbate. I wasn't actually doing it. I knew he would get angry, but I was hoping I would shock him out of his behavior.
Instead, he walked up to me and slapped me across the face. It wasn't hard enough to leave a bruise or cause me to bleed, but it was hard enough that the side of my face is still tender and slightly swollen. Then he inserted his finger in me against my will. I was shocked, hurt, and humiliated.
He says he is "sorry" for hitting me but that I "escalated" the situation. When I say he should never have hit me no matter what I did, he just goes back to how I was in the wrong for enjoying a sexual fantasy that included other people and that I betrayed him. He won't even address putting his finger in me. He just brushes it off like it's no big deal. When I point out that it was sexual assault he rolls his eyes and says "so call the cops on me then."
I have always known that I am more sexual than most women. I am always horny, I've had a lot of sex, and I am not shy about masturbation and sexual desires. But am I really a "pervert" and a "deviant?" for having lesbian fantasies or fantasies about other people having sex? Am I really "effed up" like he says?
Okay, first of all - T M I
Second of all. No you are not a "pervert" or "deviant"
No, you're neither of those things, but the slap in the face, amongst other things that happened that night, was a clear indication of what he's going to be like in the future if you "mess up" according to his definition.
You should leave this guy because those were obvious signs of him being an abuser.
He is physically Nd psychologically abusive. Hitting you is obvious, but he also set you up and abused your trust by using your shared fantasies against you.
To your original point. No, you are not messed up. You are perfectly normal and your fantasies, sex drive and activities are perfectly fine. They do not hurt anybody, so keep on with what works for you. Just do it without ths guy.
This story has all the hallmarks of domestic violence and abusive relationships. Don't be a battered woman. Get help now.
And be sure he doesn't find this thread, because he's bound to "punish" you for it. Also, be careful not to go on any websites about domestic violence using a computer that he can monitor.
To err on the side of caution, I'd say get the hell out of there, into a domestic violence shelter if there's nowhere else you can go.
Can't predict how this sick freak is going to react to you trying to get help.
hell if I were you I would call the police on him. Put his dumb ass behind bars. Now.
She could do that. She could call the police now. He did commit two criminal acts. Problem is, if she can't prove it (because time has passed) he might get out of jail real quick, and get mad.
I think she needs to call the Domestic Violence Hotline for more professional help and advice on what to do.
Just make sure he can't hear you making the call.
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