how would girls feel about a 22 year old man whos never been in love? (girls please give feedback) (dating, girlfriend)
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Im turning 22 years old in a month and a half, and it ashames me greatly to have reached this far in life and i don't even know what love is like. The reason for this happening is I went to a special ed high school with 90% boys and being very inconfident with myself at the time. However, I am not a virgin anymore. Thanks to my best friend who managed to get me laid cause he was tired of hearing me cry and feel sorry for myself. After that I managed to get myself laid 2 other times and its because they found me. But none were anything serious. So I never had any real feelings for a girl. And lately I have felt so horrible for doing this. I just was trying to take opportunities and gain experience for the first time in my whole life so I dont have to meet a girl i really want and mess it up cause im too inconfident.
I'm a 6'0 tall thin and (according to most girls) really attractive and I even believe it myself. I'm also a musician of multiple instruments and just finished studying a well paying career that im now looking for a job for. Im a pretty good kisser and decent in bed (cause i dont know any good sex positions at all). I'm pretty shy with girls only cause im so scared of being judged, but if given a damn chance im a smart, kind, understanding, and humble person. But every other time i've put in effort with someone it always fails. Im a very overly worrisome person too which is why this situation bothers me so much. It would sadden me to know girls rather be with a guy whos got a ton of experience in treating girls like ****, ****ing different girls every weekend than be with a guy who lacks experience but such a sweet loving person that could probably make them very happy.
I don't have the confidence to approach a girl at all. In fact, there's nothing i'm worse at in this whole world than talking to girls. If a girl comes to me it can all come naturally but when the hell does that ever happen? I hope I can get some responses on here. I know you need a job but im so worried im gonna be alone for a hell of amount of years. And by the time i become good at it ill be so fat and nasty for being so frustrated and depressed for so long. All I can do is hope and pray that a girl out there has enough brains to give me a chance. I have alot of amazing things to offer a girl, but the fact that i'm already in my 20s and never even had a girlfriend in high school, I guess im gonna just have to bite the bullet and stay a very sad angry lonely man all because I just had to be sent to a private school and ruin my life. I wouldn't want anything more in life than to hold someone tight in my arms and express my extreme love to them having them know they mean the whole world to me but sadly I guess thatll only be fantasy for me cause im an inexperienced lame **** :'(
You're 22. There's plenty time to find a suitable match for you that will appreciate your introverted personality. I have pretty much always been involved with "late bloomers" who are also introverts.
What you describe in personality is a lot like my beau. He's 35, and has spent most of his adult years single, about 12 years single. He's had a couple short term relationships and two 1-2 year relationships. The earlier ones he was approached by the women as he's much too shy to approach a woman, and his more serious relationships came as a result of meeting online. Which is exactly where we met (OKCupid). I approached him. He never would have known I existed due to the search radius he set for his search options (25 mi), and we live 55 or so miles apart. He was pretty taken aback when he received my message. He stopped sending messages out and wasn't having much luck with quality matches in his area. He's very much the shy and sensitive type who would not approach an interest in person, yet it didn't stop us from meeting and developing a connection.
If you know you're shy it may help to look into other options/mediums where you may find another a lot like you. My beau was convinced he'd grow old and die alone, that he'd never find an honest match, and then I contacted him.
I'll share just to give you some hope: (the shy types can find/get the girl)
Me:
Quote:
Wow! And here I thought my profile was long! I thoroughly enjoyed your profile. It was a fantastic read, and you seem like a genuine person. The part about attraction definitely caught my attention as I'm doing a study on relationships, marriage and family. I'm currently delving into compatibility and attractiveness. Pretty fascinating stuff.
Now I'm curious about your MBTI. I always seem to be drawn to introverts.
A.
Him:
Quote:
So, how do I even start this???? I'm not exactly sure... To tell you the truth I'm a bit weirded out by you. I want to make it clear that it is definitely not in a bad way, I just don't think I've ever read a personality profile that resonated with me like yours (love the music BTW, you'll have to tell me how you embedded the links), then to go to the question section of your profile... over 1000 questions answered in common, and still a 96% match?!?!? I don't know what to say...
[...]
There were a few more paragraphs.
There is hope, OP. My beau didn't enter his first relationship until 21, and it lasted 5 months. The next not until 29, I believe, and it was 6 months. And then two more to follow between then and 35.
There are women who prefer shy, thoughtful, genuine guys.
A lot of people have never been in love at the young age of 22.
I didn't fall in love for the first time until 27.
Don't mistake people dating for having been in love. Some people even have LTRs without being in love.
Not saying that's good, but it's more common than you may realize.
It's nice you want to actually have feelings for someone you are physically intimate with. But if you have so much to offer someone, then why worry of they judge you negatively? You know your own value & they can't take it from you. That's all confidence is - being sure of your own worth as a person, so that every bit of feedback is not taken as an indicator of your human value. If someone rejects you, then it's not because you aren't good enough or she is too picky or likes jerks (etc), but you just didn't click, you aren't right for her, etc. It's no one's fault necessarily & doesn't have to bear on either person's value as partner. Don't frame these interactions in terms of your worth OR their worth either.
Try & view things in terms of potential, opportunities, etc. Instead of success/failure, frame it in terms of an ongoing process where you learn more about yourself, what you need & how to respond to others' needs. Otherwise, you're going to let opportunities go by. It doesn't matter what school you go to or whatever - there are always opportunities if you pursue them & don't invent obstacles.
"if i have so much to offer someone, then why worry of they judge me negatively"? Cause thats the story of my life right there. I could be every girls dream for all I know. Good income, multi talented, humble, having the appearance of a movie star, got really nice straight long hair (which girls have absolutely loved on me), extremely benevolent, and I have this natural sense of humor that seems to make girls laugh without much intention. When they first meet me they act like they want to shove thier hand down my pants, then as they see who I am they slowly drive themselves away from me. I feel like im almost cursed. Its like they can sense the insecurity in my eyes or something.
Maybe they are too scared of me. Im a really scary looking person too cause of my solid facial features and my eye color. Its an extremely rare blue green gray mix, a bit like a Siberian Husky. It usually creeps people out. I get these intimidated looks all the time by women like im a crackhead (since im so skinny) rapist/serial killer ready to attack. But what they'll never get is if talked to and given a chance their belief will turn out to be the complete opposite. But thats how most women are nowadays it seems they just don't know how to stop and think a little. Or maybe I just don't understand women at all whatsoever. And thats what turns them off. Like what the hell is wrong with this guy? has he ever even kissed a girl yet? I've literally been asked if i'm a virgin to girls. I don't know why but yeah, this is the realistic feedback I get for being who I am...
"if i have so much to offer someone, then why worry of they judge me negatively"? Cause thats the story of my life right there. I could be every girls dream for all I know. Good income, multi talented, humble, having the appearance of a movie star, got really nice straight long hair (which girls have absolutely loved on me), extremely benevolent, and I have this natural sense of humor that seems to make girls laugh without much intention. When they first meet me they act like they want to shove thier hand down my pants, then as they see who I am they slowly drive themselves away from me. I feel like im almost cursed. Its like they can sense the insecurity in my eyes or something.
Maybe they are too scared of me. Im a really scary looking person too cause of my solid facial features and my eye color. Its an extremely rare blue green gray mix, a bit like a Siberian Husky. It usually creeps people out. I get these intimidated looks all the time by women like im a crackhead (since im so skinny) rapist/serial killer ready to attack. But what they'll never get is if talked to and given a chance their belief will turn out to be the complete opposite. But thats how most women are nowadays it seems they just don't know how to stop and think a little. Or maybe I just don't understand women at all whatsoever. And thats what turns them off. Like what the hell is wrong with this guy? has he ever even kissed a girl yet? I've literally been asked if i'm a virgin to girls. I don't know why but yeah, this is the realistic feedback I get for being who I am...
Focus on the positive. Most everything in the first paragraph. If you can make 'em laugh, you're way ahead of a lot of guys. I don't know why you're trying so hard to convince yourself that you're scary-looking. That obviously isn't true if you're making women laugh.
And it's not at all unusual to have not been in love at your age. Your problem is mainly in your mind. Relax and enjoy talking to the women who laugh at your jokes. Be light and casual about it. Sooner or later you'll "click" with someone. That's the challenge, is finding that mutual attraction.
OP, there are a few threads very similar to yours that have been posted just lately on this forum. Scroll down a bit, and you will see at least one other similar thread.
22 is pretty young to be worried about having never been in love.
A lot of people have been in love by 22, but also a lot of people have not. But, most the ones that haven't don't go around advertising it.
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I thoroughly enjoyed your profile. It was a fantastic read, and you seem like a genuine person. The part about attraction definitely caught my attention as I'm doing a study on relationships, marriage and family. I'm currently delving into compatibility and attractiveness. Pretty fascinating stuff. 
