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Old 06-10-2013, 05:13 PM
 
89 posts, read 144,490 times
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I have a friend who recently (about 4 months ago) was forced out of her home because it flooded due to repair issues and the guy she was leasing it from refused to cover the damages. So they went to court and she ended up losing everything.

A friend of hers let her move in with him. He's a 51 year old bachelor. He said in the beginning that he could help her for a bit but then she is on her own. She says that they are good friends - went out on dates before the flood but refrained from being intimate with him. He cares a lot about her but she told me that he has a lot of friends who are women and these photos are plastered all around the house. He is not seeing anyone and it doesn't look like he's settling down because he's a bachelor.

My friend asked me what she should do. She is ideologically in love with him, meaning that he would be a great husband, great father, has a huge family and would be a loyal, dedicated provider. He is fun, outgoing and all around spirited with constant enthusiasm. Whenever we've all gone out - he just makes it a fun night. It's nice to see her surrounded by positive people. She wants to get married and have children and settle down. Only one issue - she is not physically or sexually attracted to him at all and literally cringes at the idea of having sex with him. She has another friend who is telling her to overlook the physical attraction. I honestly don't know what to tell her because that's never happened to me before, not sure how to relate. This man is also much older than her, about 19 years. He promises to provide for her and take care of her and the child if she wants to get married and have kids with him. She says that he tells her she hit the jackpot, and that she wouldn't be smart to walk away from such a great "prize"...again, not sure what to say.

Has anyone here ever fallen in love - because of ideologies not physical attraction. What was the outcome? What were the obstacles? What did you do about it and what should I tell my friend

Last edited by pixie stix; 06-10-2013 at 05:52 PM.. Reason: change in title
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Old 06-10-2013, 07:04 PM
 
Location: Atlanta & NYC
6,616 posts, read 12,295,956 times
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Ya know, you always hear people say don't judge a book by it's cover, but how are you gonna marry someone you don't wanna have sex with?

And these photos of other women "plastered" around the house...what types of photos are they? Just general friendly photos or pics of half naked women surrounding him?
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Old 06-10-2013, 07:12 PM
 
6,756 posts, read 8,796,954 times
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I've been there -- the perfect guy in theory, but no attraction on my side. He was even my age. I didn't go for it. I certainly wouldn't at 19 years older!
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Old 06-10-2013, 08:04 PM
 
89 posts, read 144,490 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ja1myn View Post
Ya know, you always hear people say don't judge a book by it's cover, but how are you gonna marry someone you don't wanna have sex with?

And these photos of other women "plastered" around the house...what types of photos are they? Just general friendly photos or pics of half naked women surrounding him?
Girls he has dated or is enamored by. My friend went for his birthday dinner when he turned 51; all invitees were women. About 25 of them. Most of them, in the photos at his house.

Still stumped on how to respond to her.
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Old 06-11-2013, 10:52 AM
 
3,296 posts, read 5,385,303 times
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How can you be stumped? This "relationship" has disaster written all over. He just wants a young thing as a trophy. She's crazy to even consider it. Has she no sense of self-worth?
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Old 06-11-2013, 11:00 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,846 posts, read 11,529,065 times
Reputation: 9210
Quote:
Originally Posted by pixie stix View Post
I have a friend who recently (about 4 months ago) was forced out of her home because it flooded due to repair issues and the guy she was leasing it from refused to cover the damages. So they went to court and she ended up losing everything.

A friend of hers let her move in with him. He's a 51 year old bachelor. He said in the beginning that he could help her for a bit but then she is on her own. She says that they are good friends - went out on dates before the flood but refrained from being intimate with him. He cares a lot about her but she told me that he has a lot of friends who are women and these photos are plastered all around the house. He is not seeing anyone and it doesn't look like he's settling down because he's a bachelor.

My friend asked me what she should do. She is ideologically in love with him, meaning that he would be a great husband, great father, has a huge family and would be a loyal, dedicated provider. He is fun, outgoing and all around spirited with constant enthusiasm. Whenever we've all gone out - he just makes it a fun night. It's nice to see her surrounded by positive people. She wants to get married and have children and settle down. Only one issue - she is not physically or sexually attracted to him at all and literally cringes at the idea of having sex with him. She has another friend who is telling her to overlook the physical attraction. I honestly don't know what to tell her because that's never happened to me before, not sure how to relate. This man is also much older than her, about 19 years. He promises to provide for her and take care of her and the child if she wants to get married and have kids with him. She says that he tells her she hit the jackpot, and that she wouldn't be smart to walk away from such a great "prize"...again, not sure what to say.

Has anyone here ever fallen in love - because of ideologies not physical attraction. What was the outcome? What were the obstacles? What did you do about it and what should I tell my friend
Doesn't that pretty much sum it all up? He would only be a meal ticket for her and she would probably be the young trophy wife for him. He sees it as a win-win. Is a man, at 51 y/o who is living a bachelor lifestyle, really looking for marriage and children?? If she's actually considering this while "cringing" at the thought of having sex with him, then nothing good will come out of it. Is she desperate and can't get her own man that she can genuinely fall in love with? I don't think you need the experinced background to guide her in the right direction.

I don't know anyone, including myself who only fell in love with the idea of someone and ended up marrying them.
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Old 06-11-2013, 11:11 AM
 
Location: California
13 posts, read 22,729 times
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The utilitarian side of her...what she is getting out of the relationship, will wane pretty quickly, if you ask me!
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Old 06-11-2013, 11:23 AM
 
Location: NYC
3,488 posts, read 3,395,341 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pixie stix View Post
She says that he tells her she hit the jackpot, and that she wouldn't be smart to walk away from such a great "prize"...again, not sure what to say.
Yes, he has to say this because the real jackpot would be a man she is physically attracted to and can also give her all of these things. So not a real jackpot.
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Old 06-11-2013, 11:29 AM
 
89 posts, read 144,490 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adhom View Post
Yes, he has to say this because the real jackpot would be a man she is physically attracted to and can also give her all of these things. So not a real jackpot.
Kudos to that statement.
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Old 06-11-2013, 01:02 PM
 
6,756 posts, read 8,796,954 times
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I really don't understand when people (mostly I mean older men) think this sort of thing is ok but being an escort is not.

I think the situation would really mess her up, mentally.
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