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I got divorced in 2008 after 24 years of marriage. I love my freedom, I love to be able to come and go as I please, cook only if I want to, have the remote control to myself, etc. I am not dating at this point but wonder if/when I do if I will ever find a man that is content to live in his own place and me live in mine. I am not sure that I will ever want to marry again. Right now my idea of a nice relationship is him having his own place and me having mine, but dating and being involved. Is there anyone out there that is doing this? How long have you been together? Does this sould appealing to people or not?
Two things...
You are not dating currently so the idea of "giving up" all that freedom is not at all appealing to you, which is understandable
Just try to keep in mind that if/when the right guy comes along you could fall so head over heels in love that NOTHING would matter to you more than just being with him. It could happen!
Secondly, if you never meet "Mr. Right", but only "Mr. Right Now", there is no reason you can't each maintain your own places and enjoy visiting each other
I know a couple who did this for 25 years until the guy died.
They had each been widowed previously and neither wanted to give up all they had established for themselves up to the point of meeting each other. They "visited" back and forth - sometimes hanging out at her place, sometimes his. They even alternated where and with which family they celebrated holidays with. It worked quite well for them and they seemed very happy all those years.
Try not to worry about this stuff in advance - one way or the other things will work out!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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This would very likely be the arrangement I would have because I currently live in a roommate situation and will probably need roommates to survive in DC for awhile. Having a SO under the same roof with roommates is the definition of drama.
My wife and I work in two different towns within our state. We own a home in the town I work in, and have an apartment not far from her business where she works. We get to see each other 2 days a month. It sucks. But, it's the way things are right now. We've been married going on 5 years and in this living separately situation the past 2 years.
But this is due to our jobs not because we can't stand each other!
there's a lot in the mix here... independence, not willing to compromise, what you have..
the tolerance is less as you get older, and little things can irk the hell out of you, and chances are, most, not all, but most people have to give up alot of their own likes in life-when livin with another,,,or tolerate a substantial amount,,,even if you communicate well...
and with another...comes anothers' family,,,then some of them,,may have to live with you a while,,,or want to, then its chaos.
(in my best stevie nicks voice)
I have my own life, and i am stronger than you know, but i carry this feeling, when you walk into my house, you won't be walking out the door, still i carry this feelin, that when you walk into my house,,you wont be walking out the door"
there's a lot in the mix here... independence, not willing to compromise, what you have..
the tolerance is less as you get older, and little things can irk the hell out of you, and chances are, most, not all, but most people have to give up alot of their own likes in life-when livin with another,,,or tolerate a substantial amount,,,even if you communicate well...
and with another...comes anothers' family,,,then some of them,,may have to live with you a while,,,or want to, then its chaos.
(in my best stevie nicks voice)
I have my own life, and i am stronger than you know, but i carry this feeling, when you walk into my house, you won't be walking out the door, still i carry this feelin, that when you walk into my house,,you wont be walking out the door"
I agree that the older you get the harder it is to adjust and compromise. When I was in my 20's and 30's if I fell in love I would give up everything to just be with him. But at nearly 60, 4 kids later, and a 24 yr. marriage that ended in divorce, I don't feel that same way. My kids all live with or near me and I would not move outside of this area. I am not talking about a couple divided by states or distance where they hardly get to see each other or be with each other. I am talking about someone that would live not too far away where we could see each other as much as we care to, but living apart and allowing each other some "space" in the relationship. We would keep our finances separate, our possessions separate and maybe see each other 2 or 3 times a week.
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