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Not really considering she stated her household gets pretty bad and she's used to sleeping over at her bfs house more than her own: I have 4 siblings so it gets pretty bad with my folks in my house so im used to sleeping over at my BF's all the time so we hang out almost every day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
No she didn't! Where are you getting this? She made one post and indicated nothing of the sort.
Yes she did and it was quite a common theme in her post. I tell my bf that i'm bad at telling people off/saying no. we make up afterwards I admit that i have problems saying no
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Again--nothing in her post suggests this. You are really projecting a lot of nonsense here.
Her stating it gets pretty bad with her folks in her house and how she sleeps over at her bf's house more than her own suggests this.
Not really considering she stated her household gets pretty bad and she's used to sleeping over at her bfs house more than her own: I have 4 siblings so it gets pretty bad with my folks in my house so im used to sleeping over at my BF's all the time so we hang out almost every day.
Yes she did and it was quite a common theme in her post. I tell my bf that i'm bad at telling people off/saying no. we make up afterwards I admit that i have problems saying no
Her stating it gets pretty bad with her folks in her house and how she sleeps over at her bf's house more than her own suggests this.
Well perhaps we should be asking (or she should be asking herself) what "it gets pretty bad" means.
I think an awful lot of assumptions are being made about this statement. People are jumping to the conclusion that it means abuse or something. Does it? I didn't take it that way -- I thought she meant really overcrowded.
Hopefully the OP will be back to answer that question.
There seems to be something of a panic reaction going on around here and I'm not sure it's at all helpful to the OP.
Well perhaps we should be asking (or she should be asking herself) what "it gets pretty bad" means.
I think an awful lot of assumptions are being made about this statement. People are jumping to the conclusion that it means abuse or something. Does it? I didn't take it that way -- I thought she meant really overcrowded.
Hopefully the OP will be back to answer that question.
There seems to be something of a panic reaction going on around here and I'm not sure it's at all helpful to the OP.
I thought there was only one assumption "that most likely means she has parents who treat her very badly. And worse if she protests" and while it is an assumption I don't think it's a major thin-out-of assumption that has nothing suggesting this and made up completely by projections as zentropa seems to think.
I doubt the OP will be back to answer the question considering the amount of victim-blaming I consider going about quite interesting how it seems only 1 person say a likely older male was giving an underage gal alcohol and drugs before having sex with her and when it was mentioned it was seemingly brushed off with it's natural.
I thought there was only one assumption "that most likely means she has parents who treat her very badly. And worse if she protests" and while it is an assumption I don't think it's a major thin-out-of assumption that has nothing suggesting this and made up completely by projections as zentropa seems to think.
I doubt the OP will be back to answer the question considering the amount of victim-blaming I consider going about quite interesting how it seems only 1 person say a likely older male was giving an underage gal alcohol and drugs before having sex with her and when it was mentioned it was seemingly brushed off with it's natural.
Was the bolded part mentioned in the thread? It's in quotes. I didn't see this anywhere and no, it's definitely not the only assumption. The way she put it -- four siblings plus the parents -- it sounded to me like she felt it was a chaotic household from all the people.
I do not think it's a projection out of thin air -- there is definitely such a thing as child abuse, I was abused as a child in a very literal way, including sexually -- but by the same token it puzzles me that it could be seen as the only possible assumption.
Where was it said the guy is older? How much older is he? I missed that part.
I think there's some big overreaction here and it is definitely not helpful to the OP. IMO, of course. She needs a real, concrete plan of action and she needs it now.
Yes, the OP will be back at least to read, if not respond. She desperately wants/seeks attention and she'll want it here too. Again, not a judgment. Everyone wants and needs attention. She just needs to learn to get it from trustworthy people and not through sex. IMO it is EXTREMELY important that she learns this no matter what. Learning this will teach her to get real attention, caring attention, with no price tag attached. To me that's paramount.
I hope the OP takes the advice for what it's worth and seeks therapy so that she can be fully in control of herself, her body and her choices.
Was the bolded part mentioned in the thread? It's in quotes. I didn't see this anywhere and no, it's definitely not the only assumption. The way she put it -- four siblings plus the parents -- it sounded to me like she felt it was a chaotic household from all the people.
I do not think it's a projection out of thin air -- there is definitely such a thing as child abuse, I was abused as a child in a very literal way, including sexually -- but by the same token it puzzles me that it could be seen as the only possible assumption.
Where was it said the guy is older? How much older is he? I missed that part.
I think there's some big overreaction here and it is definitely not helpful to the OP. IMO, of course.
Yes, the OP will be back at least to read, if not respond. She desperately wants/seeks attention and she'll want it here too. Again, not a judgment. Everyone wants and needs attention. She just needs to learn to get it from trustworthy people and not through sex. IMO it is EXTREMELY important that she learns this no matter what.
I hope the OP takes the advice for what it's worth and seeks therapy so that she can be fully in control of herself, her body and her choices.
Yes the bolded was mentioned in the previous page by NilaJones who zentropa was responding to.
In the OP it was said that the guy is older I'm not sure how much older however he is in college hence why I put likely older male since some people can be underage in college I know I was. in the beginning of the summer (late april) one of his friend's older bro came home from college, let's call this friend "john"
The full quote
Quote:
Originally Posted by runwithfire
guys i made some stupid mistakes and i ended up losing my bf (i think). pls tell me how i should go from here cuz i really have no clue
i’ve been friends with my bf since grade 4 (grade 12 now). I have 4 siblings so it gets pretty bad with my folks in my house so im used to sleeping over at my BF's all the time so we hang out almost every day. I knew that he was into me since middle school but didnt return his feelings until recently. initially i was uncomfortable labeling us as in a relationship. we've only made out so far and not much more because back then i didn't want to lose my virginity before i got married; also because i dont want to ruin our friendship if we went too far. he was okay with it
we started hanging out with his guy friends a lot after we started "dating". in the beginning of the summer (late april) one of his friend's older bro came home from college, let's call this friend "john"
Egh different opinions on the fully in control of her body but that sounds cool.
[/b]Egh different opinions on the fully in control of her body but that sounds cool.
Please don't downplay this part, when a woman feels she isn't in control of her own choices, she will continue to be a victim forever. She will experience only hopelessness, helplessness and pain. Is that really a life?
It doesn't just "sound cool." It's a non-negotiable, or should be.
Please don't downplay this part, when a woman feels she isn't in control of her own choices, she will continue to be a victim forever. She will experience only hopelessness, helplessness and pain. Is that really a life?
It doesn't just "sound cool." It's a non-negotiable, or should be.
Having a different opinion than yours isn't downplaying. As well as in control of her choices isn't the part I have a different opinion on. I disagree with the in control of her own body part nowhere did I state, suggest, or imply she wasn't in control of her own choices I agree on that.
Okay. Well, how is it that she isn't in control of her own body?
Egh if some guy makes his own choice and rapes, abuses, or sexually assaults her perhaps. I'm aware of this whole notion that such acts are solely/mainly the responsibility and accountability of the gal to "prevent" however I find that bs as don't find it logical to be held accountable for what another chooses to do to one's body.
Egh if some guy makes his own choice and rapes, abuses, or sexually assaults her perhaps. I'm aware of this whole notion that such acts are solely/mainly the responsibility and accountability of the gal to "prevent" however I find that bs as don't find it logical to be held accountable for what another chooses to do to one's body.
I don't believe I ever said or implied that every form of rape is avoidable. It definitely isn't.
In this case where she chooses to drink in the presence of a group of men who have shown themselves to have ulterior motives, with her fully knowledgeable of the choices she makes when drunk, yes, it is to an extent avoidable. I was speaking to this repeated case specifically.
If someone puts rufies in her drink at a party and rapes her,or grabs her on the street, obviously that isn't avoidable.
I hardly think such scenarios are a reason to just not take control, in general, of one's body or to write off the entire thing as unavoidable. Hence, my repeated assertion that she needs to find ways to make other choices.
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I'm aware of this whole notion that such acts are solely/mainly the responsibility and accountability of the gal to "prevent" however I find that bs as don't find it logical to be held accountable for what another chooses to do to one's body.
