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I may not have said all in the first post, may have missed things, but I am hurt and confused. I don't know how to not beat myself too much about it, since she is my wife, she is my love and my future. I am not one that will accept this separation without a fight, but sincerely I don't know how to convince her to face her problems and go ask for professional help and this is part of the problem. She told me alot about her troubles with her family but after we got together almost 5 years ago she almost stopped telling me about it and I didn't insist since it appeared the memories were painful to her. If any of you needs to know more, please ask. I will gladly answer any question.
Ok, then I will do it. I'm going to do anything that can help me in getting her back. I search for some good counselor on these problems right away, but still her part remains to be done and that I worry much about it. I am worried that she will just go over it without thinking and let time kill what we have. I know what I have to do now, but how to point it to her what to do? Im afraid that this is the real problem. Like I said, she doesn't talk about it with anyone, she is stubborn and not opened to suggestions. The best I can think off is a phone call but I fear she will go back to her ''cant fix this sorry'' lines.
All i cant tell you is that if you cant get her back, you will have to learn to live without her. You will have to learn to love yourself more, you will have to learn to love your country (im sure there are many good things about it), you will have to get out and live. You will have to pick yourself up and fix yourself. And, one, day, you will feel better.I guarantee this. One day you will be free and you will be fine and she will be just a memory.
She is cheating on you. I doubt she hates sex so much that she would essentially go sexless for the rest of her life. The fact that you don't live with her gives her a convenient way to cheat.
You cannot make someone love you and want to be with you. You have to accept that. You have to accept she might never come back and take what she's telling you for the truth - that she doesn't love you and she doesn't want to be married to you anymore. I'm divorced, so I know something about this. It hurts like hell. I've been there. But time does heal all wounds if you take the steps to let it. Get counseling for yourself. Spend time with your support system. Stay busy, try new things, spend time on hobbies. Do things to keep your mind busy and don't sit around crying and feeling sorry for yourself. Honestly I'd leave her alone. Contacting her everyday crying and begging for her to change her mind is not going to get her back. I doubt anything will get her back until she gets some help to deal with her baggage. But that's on her to fix, not you.
We are only reading your side of things and I bet there's a whole other version out there.
Either way, marriages do break down. This is because the logistics of keeping two growing and maturing individuals as invested in something they did in their 20's, for decades, is almost impossible.
Some people regret that tattoo, if you know what I mean.
It's sad (for some) but marriage is usually not "forever" these days. Some of us think it's downright insane to legally merge with a virtual stranger for life.
You would be much better off to concentrate your energies on building a life for yourself without your wife. She's done.
You write very well in English. You are well educated, I can tell. Do you live in Bucharest?
I know you love this woman and I know how much it hurts you to go through all the troubles you have had with her.
But it sounds like it's hard for you to live in Brazil and hard for to live in Romania. She's fortunate to have a guy like you, but I don't think you can overcome the cultural/economic differences involved in immigrating to such a different place. Certainly she can't.
Even if you could stabilize your relationship in Brazil, could you imagine being happy there for the next 30-40 years? Think about it.
I immigrated from the US to Denmark 17+ years ago. I thought it would be easy. But it wasn't. How people thought; what they valued in their lives; how the government worked; how relationships worked - everything was different in a very big way. I travel a lot overseas, in the EU and in the Balkans and further East. Could I live in Chișinău or Bogdan Vodă ? The girls are lovely and would love to come live in Denmark. Do I think a girl from Moldova or Northern Romania would find it easy to adjust to Denmark? Well, economic life would be easier, but adapting to the culture--I doubt it.
A guy like you has a lot to offer. Keep looking closer to home. Eventually the effects of the financial crisis on the EU will be reversed and jobs will open up in the EU. As an educated Romanian, it will be much easier to find jobs and girls, there, too.
The world isn't going to end for you. Things are going to get better if you want them to.
Indeed, I am educated, self-educated. I dont have any diplomas on my hands, all that I know I learned by myself. I wasn't blaming the life in Brasil, or the culture in there, I was going to find a job eventually, even if I had some stress about it. Even without a job, I had (still have) plans with an online business and I knew that eventually we could afford an apartment on our own. Is not about the money on my part, I just got some dozens of thousands of euros from the sale of a family house. I liked Brazil alot and I could see my future there with my wife. We had so many plans. Brazilians are lovely people and I felt greatly accepted in there, more than in my home country. I am speaking Portuguese close to fluently and had no problems communicating with people. And I loved their culture. I still think of Brazil as my home, I still do. I would be happy to live with my wife anywhere, as long as she is with me. Even if we had no house on our own, we had privacy in her dad's house there and no one bothered us. Regarding girls, I don't even think about it. I love my wife so much, that I cant think of another one. I will go to a psychotherapist (if that's the word for it) in the next days, and I can only hope I can convince my wife to do it as well. I don't have too many hopes about our marriage, but the few one I have I cannot give up.
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