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There are loser women (for lack of a better description) as well as loser men. Is he getting quality women? It doesn't sound like it. It's the "there's someone for everyone" thing here it seems. I mean who else is going to date a woman in her 40s on SSI who drinks like him, is out of drug rehab and they both have domestic violence records . . .But some people don't care about those things. I'm very into who I'm attracted to and I overlook a lot if I feel drawn to someone, but those things would turn me off no matter how sexy a guy he was. Even if he was young and hot I know I'd pass. Unless these are women you'd want for yourself OP, I wouldn't worry about it.
I've never been into the bar scene and could never quite put my finger on why but I think you made it clearer for me....
Social immaturity? Limited social skills? Don't want your bubble penetrated? I'm pretty sure it's something along those lines. Other folks, especially in social scenarios, have a way of showing us who we are, both by seeing and calling it and by how we react to them and handle situations, and I think some of us avoid those situations.
The guy you speak of in the OP...you call him a loser, yet you're both envious and jealous him. Something doesn't add up. While you may have qualities he doesn't, I suspect he has qualities you don't and that you can learn from him. Maybe you should take a closer look at him with a more open mind, you might just see what's going on.
Social immaturity? Limited social skills? Don't want your bubble penetrated? I'm pretty sure it's something along those lines.
The guy you speak of in the OP...you call him a loser, yet you're both envious and jealous him. Something doesn't add up. While you may have qualities he doesn't, I suspect he has qualities you don't and that you can learn from him. Maybe you should take a closer look at him with a more open mind, you might just see what's going on.
I never called him a loser, but I subsidized his lifestyle for awhile there and I was pretty sore about that. He overcharged me in order to subsidize his dramatic lifestyle which made life worse for everyone else who was paying up the wazoo for the privilege of being abused.
Social immaturity? Limited social skills? Don't want your bubble penetrated? I'm pretty sure it's something along those lines. Other folks, especially in social scenarios, have a way of showing us who we are, both by seeing and calling it and by how we react to them and handle situations, and I think some of us avoid those situations.
The guy you speak of in the OP...you call him a loser, yet you're both envious and jealous him. Something doesn't add up. While you may have qualities he doesn't, I suspect he has qualities you don't and that you can learn from him. Maybe you should take a closer look at him with a more open mind, you might just see what's going on.
I had to rep this, For one specific reason: That life for the man who is the subject of the post is living a life of leisure, Partying and having companionship in his way specifically. To him, He is in his mecca. For others, Especially those who may be alone or flustered with the dating scene they look at him and think-"How is he getting these women?" He lives in a different sphere and has found his methods for making his life work. Does he have great qualities? I would say no personally. Why? Criminal record. Not making an honest living. Substance abuse. Overcharging people for rooms. However as I am not single I do not envy him personally. It is understandable how disdain could come about for someone who seems to be doing everything wrong -and yet seems to get what they want anyway.
I would not ever live like that, Regardless of how many women that dude gets. Prefer to be sober, have a nice income, And more choices in life and pay my own way. My Mecca.
I never called him a loser, but I subsidized his lifestyle for awhile there and I was pretty sore about that. He overcharged me in order to subsidize his dramatic lifestyle which made life worse for everyone else who was paying up the wazoo for the privilege of being abused.
Loser was implied, although when writing about him you did show a bit of leniency (the bit about his profession being hit by the economy).
I had to rep this, For one specific reason: That life for the man who is the subject of the post is living a life of leisure, Partying and having companionship in his way specifically. To him, He is in his mecca. For others, Especially those who may be alone or flustered with the dating scene they look at him and think-"How is he getting these women?" He lives in a different sphere and has found his methods for making his life work. Does he have great qualities? I would say no personally. Why? Criminal record. Not making an honest living. Substance abuse. Overcharging people for rooms. However as I am not single I do not envy him personally. It is understandable how disdain could come about for someone who seems to be doing everything wrong -and yet seems to get what they want anyway.
I would not ever live like that, Regardless of how many women that dude gets. Prefer to be sober, have a nice income, And more choices in life and pay my own way. My Mecca.
I've had the very same question the OP asked come to my mind about certain guys I know who seem to be able to date and socialize while being unemployed and living with their parents. I fully acknowledge qualities I have that they don't and probably overvalue them, but after thinking about it I saw that they must have qualities that I don't that I probably undervalue. I acknowledged that there's something I can learn from them, but there's no need for black and white thinking - I don't have to completely convert to their ways, just learn from them. Have I done that successfully? Not exactly, but acknowledgement is a start. I should add that the guys I know and speak of - for the most I want a better quality of woman than they have, and better social activities too, which has made me question if my standards are too high, and that's a question I've yet to really answer, with the best I've come up with being that I should be able to have somebody fairly equivalent to myself.
This one is easy, drunks like to be with other drunks and it's even better if you can drink at home because it is cheaper but you also know you have a place to sleep and don't have to count on going home with someone new to sleep in a real bed and take a shower.
Very well put! The drunk starring in this thread is perhaps unwittingly practicing what's so often preached: find a hobby, embrace it, pursue it socially, meet other people sharing your interests, and eventually work up the gumption to approach them, relying on the firmly shared interest. Now it so happens that alcoholism or drug-abuse are odious and vile. But they are, as it were, "hobbies". The drunk seeks other drunks, finds common ground with them, establishes rapport, and successfully makes romantic advances. Replace "alcohol" with "golf", or "civic activism", and we have textbook example of dating strategy.
Moreover, alcoholism is widespread, and it can be social. Because it's widespread, it's not some esoteric or rare pursuit where only a few people in one's town engage in it. Other alcoholics are easy to find. And because it's social (unlike, say, reading philosophy or playing chess), there is a natural venue for making human connections while pursuing it. That it's addictive and saps one's energy is also an advantage; why would one alcoholic leave another, except from physical abuse? And as it dulls the mind, it reliably vitiates self-censure, that gnawing feeling that we're doing something wrong.
Compare this with recent threads on dating at the gym. Muscle-guy is justifiably proud of himself, and has developed a keen interest in fitness-girl, who works out in the same gym. What are the prospects of muscle-guy in approaching fitness-girl? He needs to maneuver deftly, to not intrude into her workout, to respect her space, to not encroach upon the private dignity to which she's entitled even in a public venue. He hesitates and dawdles, only to be shot down when finally making the attempt. Meanwhile, loser-alcoholic suffers from none of these inhibitions.
If you're jealous, you could pattern your life after his.
He may need to get plastic surgery to get the same results though. If a guy is VERY attractive he can get away with this sort of behavior and not nessicariliy have to bottom fish (at least not in the looks dept). So if the OP tried to model his life after this guy he will need to have equivalent or better looks otherwise he wont be happy with the results.
Wow! I didn't realize there have always been more men than women in my age group to date. I looked at 18-25 and all the spots are blue. I looked at 25-34 and there are still more men than women. And I know as many lesbians and bisexual women as I know straight women. Men in the under 35 crowd have a lot of competition. That kinda sucks.
That's why the smart guys will lower their standards until they get results. The sad part is its a huge liability for a man to ever marry or have a kid with a woman because even if he lowers his standards she still has a lot of options can could leave him in a bad situation.
All of my friends wont date heavy women so that's typically what I filter for if i'm single, because of the cut throat competition I have never been with thin or even average size woman. I am more interested in how cute a womans face is though.
But yes it does suck, its just fortunate that most guys wont give heavy women the time of day.
Very well put! The drunk starring in this thread is perhaps unwittingly practicing what's so often preached: find a hobby, embrace it, pursue it socially, meet other people sharing your interests, and eventually work up the gumption to approach them, relying on the firmly shared interest. Now it so happens that alcoholism or drug-abuse are odious and vile. But they are, as it were, "hobbies". The drunk seeks other drunks, finds common ground with them, establishes rapport, and successfully makes romantic advances. Replace "alcohol" with "golf", or "civic activism", and we have textbook example of dating strategy.
Moreover, alcoholism is widespread, and it can be social. Because it's widespread, it's not some esoteric or rare pursuit where only a few people in one's town engage in it. Other alcoholics are easy to find. And because it's social (unlike, say, reading philosophy or playing chess), there is a natural venue for making human connections while pursuing it. That it's addictive and saps one's energy is also an advantage; why would one alcoholic leave another, except from physical abuse? And as it dulls the mind, it reliably vitiates self-censure, that gnawing feeling that we're doing something wrong.
Compare this with recent threads on dating at the gym. Muscle-guy is justifiably proud of himself, and has developed a keen interest in fitness-girl, who works out in the same gym. What are the prospects of muscle-guy in approaching fitness-girl? He needs to maneuver deftly, to not intrude into her workout, to respect her space, to not encroach upon the private dignity to which she's entitled even in a public venue. He hesitates and dawdles, only to be shot down when finally making the attempt. Meanwhile, loser-alcoholic suffers from none of these inhibitions.
Oh yes. Alcoholism can be functional in people and it becomes their lifestyle. People with successful careers, Even families often drink daily, And if single may spend their time after work or days off in bars where there are others living the same lifestyle. They drink, It leads to conversing with other patrons and even bonding over music or the general atmosphere of the place. Also, Functional alcoholism is seen as a badge of sorts. They get kudos for being able to party while maintaining their lives. In some cultures even in workplaces people who don't drink may be seen as outcasts. For those that, Do not have the latter I described well they bond with others over the drink and the glass. It's the main catalyst.
As for the second paragraph you have here-As anyone can attest, Alcohol creates that warm, fuzzy barrier where things either do not bother one at all, Or it does but is kept out by the alcohol's numbing effect.
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I mean who else is going to date a woman in her 40s on SSI who drinks like him, is out of drug rehab and they both have domestic violence records . . .But some people don't care about those things. I'm very into who I'm attracted to and I overlook a lot if I feel drawn to someone, but those things would turn me off no matter how sexy a guy he was. Even if he was young and hot I know I'd pass. Unless these are women you'd want for yourself OP, I wouldn't worry about it.
