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I think I mentioned this before, but when I lived in a fraternity I got to see firsthand how the aphorism that "10% of the men get 90% of the women" plays out. There was 1 guy in my house who all the women were obsessed with. I'm not exaggerating when I say that, for the short time he was living in, there was a trail of sorority girls trickling through the house just because they wanted to get ****ed by him. I've realized the common-sense principle that most guys are completely worthless to women. "Sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive" is the mantra. I am basically an evolutionary loser, unfit to pass on my genes.
10% of the men were getting 90% of the party girls, you mean. You probably didn't pay any attention to the large numbers of college women who wouldn't be caught dead at a frat party. The women who ordered a pizza and were watching movies with her roommates. The women who were at open mike night reading her short stories or playing with her band. Or the women who were at the library or the studio working on their final projects. No, your concern was only for the sorority girls who get wasted and put out easily.
Typical female response. I didn't expect anything different.
"It's obviously your whiney attitude that turns of women" (as if you have any evidence that I carry this attitude in real life. For your information, honey, I keep up a confident and exuberant facade around people in real life.)
Definition of FACADE (From Marriam-Webster)
1
: the front of a building; also : any face of a building given special architectural treatment <a museum's east facade>
2
: a false, superficial, or artificial appearance or effect
I used to think that I didn't have "that whiny attitude." But when I look back, I was a whiner in some sense, at least compared to now. Also, "keeping up a facade around people" might not work. Some people can see through that.
Now, don't take this as a knock against you. I kept up a facade around people, and I came across as I actually was, insecure. I was the insecurity personified. Now, I'm not saying that is how you come off. I'd have to see you in action before I can make any call on that.
I've learned that it is better to build yourself in the aspects that matter the most to you. (Which judging by this thread, you are going to do) Authentic, natural and genuine confidence will come. Then, even if you still don't attract women, you will be satisfied with your life.
1
: the front of a building; also : any face of a building given special architectural treatment <a museum's east facade>
2
: a false, superficial, or artificial appearance or effect
I used to think that I didn't have "that whiny attitude." But when I look back, I was a whiner in some sense, at least compared to now. Also, "keeping up a facade around people" might not work. Some people can see through that.
Now, don't take this as a knock against you. I kept up a facade around people, and I came across as I actually was, insecure. I was the insecurity personified. Now, I'm not saying that is how you come off. I'd have to see you in action before I can make any call on that.
I've learned that it is better to build yourself in the aspects that matter the most to you. (Which judging by this thread, you are going to do) Authentic, natural and genuine confidence will come. Then, even if you still don't attract women, you will be satisfied with your life.
Great post - well said Hope he's paying attention!
I think dating/marriage, etc ..even when it goes sour is part of our growth. They are good lessons and although they can be hurtful, once the smoke clears there is a lot to be leaned about others AND yourself.
I tend to think there are one or two TRUE soul mates that we will meet in our lives...the others only present themselves for teaching principles and to reveal the weakness within ourselves (if one can put the ego aside and look that deep)
Often you'll meet a soulmate when you are not looking or trying. But I think much of it has to with FIRST loving yourself and finding your own happiness from within. The other stuff are just nice fringe benefits, sorta.
Take a break, look within yourself and stay positive. The choice is yours alone. Good luck!
Typical female response. I didn't expect anything different.
"It's obviously your whiney attitude that turns of women" (as if you have any evidence that I carry this attitude in real life. For your information, honey, I keep up a confident and exuberant facade around people in real life.)
I tend to agree with her. What I hear is you want to get laid and have failed. This is not a surprise, women tend to avoid people that want to use them to this end since it can result in many unwanted outcomes to their personal welfare. It should also be noted that saying they don't need sex is a rationalization that denies their fundamental need to be and seek happiness which they have no less than you.
You can make of this what you will. Such success as I have had did not come through any particular skill or trait. Mostly I failed until I had made enough mistakes to find my way through. Its not glamorous or pretty but I think its how most of us get from A to B a lot of the time and its probably what you will need to do if you want to attain your goals. I would also say that you may be presenting yourself in a way that makes you unattractive to women. I bring this up because you mentioned the facade you put on when dealing with people in public. Its impossible for any of us to truly see ourselves as other do and you might want to consider asking someone you know and trust if your self image jives with what people are seeing. The thing is, if no women want you as you describe either they are all bad or something lies with you that you need to fix. It isn't likely they are all bad is it?
Before I cared about women, my life was so much better. I didn't feel like I was a failure in the dating market (which really is like a market even if you don't like to think of it that way), because I had never even tried! If you don't try, you don't run the possibility of failing.
Men are judged in part on their ability to attract women. It seems like the guys who are able to do it are just born that way. Who knows, though. Women can be vicious. They can completely wreck a guy's self-esteem. I'm starting to realize now how picky they are and how they're basically in a position of power because they're the sexual gatekeepers and they don't have the need like we do.
I think I mentioned this before, but when I lived in a fraternity I got to see firsthand how the aphorism that "10% of the men get 90% of the women" plays out. There was 1 guy in my house who all the women were obsessed with. I'm not exaggerating when I say that, for the short time he was living in, there was a trail of sorority girls trickling through the house just because they wanted to get ****ed by him. I've realized the common-sense principle that most guys are completely worthless to women. "Sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive" is the mantra. I am basically an evolutionary loser, unfit to pass on my genes.
I'm throwing in the towel with the whole dating thing. It's depressing to think about. I'm ready to move on with other aspects of my life, to put my pursuit of women in the past where it belongs.
LM whiny boys take a long time to grow up and stop their childish attitudes. I'd give this one til he's around 40.
It took me until 29... I may still get relapses. However, I went through quite a few hits. (Death of friends, friends I had leaving, onset loneliness as a result) As a result, I decided to just get out of my shell and talk to at least one person.
It's amazing how easy it can actually be to connect with women. It just takes a change in your outlook.
@OP
Be genuinely interested in who you talk to. Look at it this way, people are more concerned about their feelings than they are about you. If you make them feel good around you, they will be more responsive to you.
It sounds like you are about to start down the right path though. It will be easier if you can find some people who share similar goals. When you surround yourself around the right people, you will have an easier time progressing. You will still face hardships, but it will be worth it.
Also, I can't express this enough, appreciate what you do have. There is some kind of power in this.
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Hope he's paying attention!
