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So is it a good idea for my friend to go out with him or should she hold off until his divorce is finalized? I'm not sure when that will be but they can and do happen quickly in our state.
dancing on egg shells if this post is in fact bout you and not a friend,
i see a red dot comin my way.
when you date a married person you know 2 things.
they lie and they cheat.
this post is not intended to offend anybody
it is my personal opinion which was solicited.
I'm gonna beat you up bunky!!
No seriously.. do you know how to use the word solicited? ..you're doing it wrong. Your saying your opinion was solicisted. someone sold your opinion eh?
Dating a married person means they lie and they cheat.. this is where I walk away from the monitor and count to 10, and find something else to waste my day arguing about. I hope all your socks have holes in them and your feet freeze. This is not a personal attack on you or your thoughts, call it merely a suggestion. "did you hear me socks? get to it!"
I see the never-been-married, let-alone-divorced crowd has checked in.
But we are the Real Experts, aren't we.
Also very unbiased.
The whole things sounds very complex. See what a tiny piece of paper will do to folks. Easy to get into, a bear to get out of it. Sure glad I never had to do any of it.
There are those who believe that as long as a person is technically married that they should not get involved with anyone until the government stamps the divorce papers. If they do find someone they are "cheating." A paper doesn't make you married folks - it's the substance of the relationship that makes a couple married - the paper is a formality with governmental benefits recognized by the institution as "marriage." It doesn't make you love somebody and it doesn't keep you from loving someone else but it can make it harder to walk away. If what kept the marriage together is gone, then the marriage aspect is over as far as I'm concerned and I don't need the government to tell me when it's over.
With that, it is not an ideal time to get involved with someone when they are in the process of a divorce. If a person finds themselves in that situation they should take a step back and let the turmoil rage until things settle especially if there are kids involved and if there is a chance of reconcilitation. If the person who is getting a divorce really likes you (and is smart) they'll understand why you are stepping back.
now.. in the BIBLE, it says you're legitimately married to the first person you sleep with...that is your consumation. Back before the government existed. For everyone that is sticking their noses up at possibly dating people that are still being separated with a divorce not yet finalized, can you say you married the first person you slept with, and condone everyone else to follow suit? This is no more a war on ethics than it is of morals. If there are kids involved in a previous relationship, I would say future relationships are never safe, the closer to rebound status it is with being so recent, the MORE not-safe it is.. but no one can point a finger and tell you what you're doing is wrong, unless they went through (IN THEIR HEART) what you went through, that was the deciding factor in the dissolution of said marriage.
*coughs quietly*
No seriously.. do you know how to use the word solicited? ..you're doing it wrong. Your saying your opinion was solicisted. someone sold your opinion eh?
Dating a married person means they lie and they cheat.. this is where I walk away from the monitor and count to 10, and find something else to waste my day arguing about. I hope all your socks have holes in them and your feet freeze. This is not a personal attack on you or your thoughts, call it merely a suggestion. "did you hear me socks? get to it!"
Uh, Mmmm, Kitten, I think Bunky is correct in his use of the word solicited....to solicit means to ask for help, and I think you did...or at least I thought you did...
Last edited by Macrina; 11-06-2007 at 07:29 PM..
Reason: can't spell...
She could milk him for a few nice dinners.
She could have some coffee with him. To get to know him better.
She could say to him "I feel uncomfortable dating you right now. Call me in a few months when your divorce is final."
Uh, Mmmm, Kitten, I think Bunky is correct in his use of the word solicited....to solicit means to ask for help, and I think you did...or at least I thought you did...
I think adultery is a strong word. If a couple is separated with a divorce pending I believe proceeding with caution is the prudent thing to do. I also believe that anyone who dates someone in this position needs to proceed with extreme caution and take things slow or develop a friendship until the papers are filed.
But adultery? If you want to talk semantics and strict definitions, yes it's adultery. But in a moralistic sense, it's nothing near adultery. If a marriage is already broken and in the dissolution process how can it realistically be considered adultery?
I know this man's father and had a heart to heart with him last week. He is the person who told me that the ex- wife is manipulating the kids to get back in the home. He also told me that his son wants nothing to do with a reconcilation.
In this case, I do believe the pending divorce is a formality that needs to occur. And I also think that him dating may create drama and some bad feelings that may make things worse for him in the divorce. But I don't think my friend dating him would constitute adultery.
Also relationships are not black and white. Some marriages have died years before the divorce paper is finalized. JMO (trust me-lol)
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Of course
(although I guess he is a famous oncologist now, but still!)
I agree-
