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I'll share. In two words, my 2nd marriage is freaking awesome. We love each other more than I ever thought possible. We've had to deal with baggage (both sides) from each other's previous marriages, but we have always had the lines of communication open and free from judgement or sarcasm. That is one of the biggest differences between my first marriage and this one. I am safe and can share whatever is on my mind.
Another plus is she is a fantastic stepmom to my kids. I never worry about that side of things with her--she just steps up to the plate whenever and for whatever. And I do the same for her kids.
I could go on for pages about the differences between my ex and my wife...
I'll share. In two words, my 2nd marriage is freaking awesome. We love each other more than I ever thought possible. We've had to deal with baggage (both sides) from each other's previous marriages, but we have always had the lines of communication open and free from judgement or sarcasm. That is one of the biggest differences between my first marriage and this one. I am safe and can share whatever is on my mind.
Another plus is she is a fantastic stepmom to my kids. I never worry about that side of things with her--she just steps up to the plate whenever and for whatever. And I do the same for her kids.
I could go on for pages about the differences between my ex and my wife...
--Dim
Thank you!
You're welcome to share the differences if you want to but you certainly don't have to.
Each husband and relationship/marriage have different dynamics so there is no real tangible comparison in my opinion.
There is also no reason to compare one to the other since they all are so different.
Okay, I'll give it shot since you are looking for input
I know quite a few people in second marriages - 5 couples in particular that I'm very close to.
All those I know in second marriages are very happy.
They all seem to have grown a lot from the bad experiences in their first marriages and have taken the lessons learned into their second.
I have to add though, these are all people who grew in their faith and relationship with God before taking the plunge the second time. Not saying everybody should/has to do that, just noting for the record that this seems to be a key ingredient in these successful 2nd marriages.
Okay, I'll give it shot since you are looking for input
I know quite a few people in second marriages - 5 couples in particular that I'm very close to.
All those I know in second marriages are very happy.
They all seem to have grown a lot from the bad experiences in their first marriages and have taken the lessons learned into their second.
I have to add though, these are all people who grew in their faith and relationship with God before taking the plunge the second time. Not saying everybody should/has to do that, just noting for the record that this seems to be a key ingredient in these successful 2nd marriages.
My second marriage is truly wonderful. I gave a great deal of thought to the problems that existed in my first marriage, and looked for someone who not only did not have those traits, but also had the inverse. In other words, I looked for someone who positively matched my values and priorities, had a compatible personality type, and had similar interests and goals. The difference is truly understanding what I wanted from a relationship, my personality, and only dating good matches.
Some of the problems in my first marriage were due to my ex returning to her religious roots. So, in contrast to lovesMountains, I deliberately sought another ethical atheist with Buddhist leanings (but that wasn't an absolute requirement as long as religion was demonstrably not important to them). Most of the good second marriages I know of have very little if any religious component, but do seem to be matched well on values and personality type.
My second marriage is truly wonderful. I gave a great deal of thought to the problems that existed in my first marriage, and looked for someone who not only did not have those traits, but also had the inverse. In other words, I looked for someone who positively matched my values and priorities, had a compatible personality type, and had similar interests and goals. The difference is truly understanding what I wanted from a relationship, my personality, and only dating good matches.
Some of the problems in my first marriage were due to my ex returning to her religious roots. So, in contrast to lovesMountains, I deliberately sought another ethical atheist with Buddhist leanings (but that wasn't an absolute requirement as long as religion was demonstrably not important to them). Most of the good second marriages I know of have very little if any religious component, but do seem to be matched well on values and personality type.
I would certainly agree that shared values is a key ingredient to any successful marriage
I also think that by the time you've been married then divorced you get a little older, maybe a lot wiser and you are better able to identify and articulate your values. This helps a lot in choosing that second spouse more carefully.
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