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My husband has argued with people who have said he's "babysitting" our kids. He never babysits. He parents. When did fathers become unimportant?
In my opinion they always were unimportant considering society is a patriarchy and those gender roles stipulates gals are caregivers while guys are providers.
I do have to agree that there is a bit of a double standard here. That said, I do not think men who abandon their kids altogether are seen in a very strong light either. However, it is acceptable for a man to take a lesser role using work, distance, or whatever as a reasoning and be seen as making resonable accomodations.
A mother who did the same thing would receive more criticism.
Heck, my wife has taken flack from people for being a "working" mother. She is judged because she won't abandon her career aspirations to be a stay at home mom (no divorce, custody, etc involved either). She values the career she has worked to build, and her daughter, and although challenging at times she wishes to find a balance which will allow her a lot of quality time with our daughter as well as continuing to pursue her career.
Seems so easy on paper, if a man is not a terrible monster and seems like he won't accidentally kill the offspring: why don't you ladies just cut and run?
It is usually the mother, as you stated, that is the primary caretaker of the children. So its the mother that is most often more emotionally tied to the children. That is why courts normally grant custody to the mother. But, good parents don't cut and run. Fathers that are non-custodial haven't cut and run. Most parents want to be as involved as possible with their children.
Some fathers don't really want to be the custodial parent because of the hassle of juggling your job schedule and parental responsibilities and child care and school schedules.
I can just imaging a couple bickering over who gets the kids. "I don't want them you take them". "No you take them".
I read a lot of threads where the woman struggles before, during, and after divorce because she is the one who typically ends up with the kids. Nothing against children, really. Men, on the other hand, have more flexibility and freedom because all they have to do is shell out money and put in a token amount of time playing Papa.
I know these are gross generalizations -- I've met at least one single father.
Not only is that a gross generalization - it doesn't take into consideration the fathers who want to raise their children but are not allowed to because of the "family" courts.
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My question is if a woman wants to take that role, why is she automatically excoriated for being cold, uncaring, evil, or soulless? Men are typically better off finacially after a divorce. Women are frequently set back professionally because they get pregnant and fall into the tradional role of caretaker.
Where did you get this information from?
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Seems so easy on paper, if a man is not a terrible monster and seems like he won't accidentally kill the offspring: why don't you ladies just cut and run?
I don't really know of any mothers who would willingly give full custody to the father. Unless the mother is a psycho, kids only truly need their mothers.
I know a few fathers that have full or primary custody of their children. I know some pretty crappy mothers too who only insist on custody as a meal ticket because they don't want to work. It takes all kinds but the best situation for a well adjusted child is the love and attention of both parents. Fathers are important and I am happy to see more and more fathers taking an involved role in their children's lives.
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Originally Posted by udolipixie
In my opinion they always were unimportant considering society is a patriarchy and those gender roles stipulates gals are caregivers while guys are providers.
I don't think a fathers role was ever unimportant. If you haven't noticed, your idea of gender roles is fast becoming obsolete. There is still an aspect of society that is in denial about the importance of the father or family unit and look what a mess it can be. But the courts are slowly reflecting the importance of fathers with regard to their children.
Interesting post. There are some women who walk away from their kids. It isn't a new phenomenon. Those that do, tend not to advertise the fact. They pay child support.
I don't really know of any mothers who would willingly give full custody to the father. Unless the mother is a psycho, kids only truly need their mothers.
While we have no intention to divorce, my son and daughter would disagree wildly with this assertion.
I don't think a fathers role was ever unimportant. If you haven't noticed, your idea of gender roles is fast becoming obsolete. There is still an aspect of society that is in denial about the importance of the father or family unit and look what a mess it can be. But the courts are slowly reflecting the importance of fathers with regard to their children.
Egh they're not my idea of gender roles in fact I stated they're patriarchal gender roles. I doubt these becoming obsolete considering how gals still do all/most of the household and child care duties and often are the primary caregiver of the child(ren).
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