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I'm curious why the OP was only aimed at men, why not men and women? Do people only think men can appear "desperate"?
Probably because he can only speak from a male perspective. Then there is the issue that men apparently complain more than women about their relationship status.
I bet women spot desperate women a lot more than men do, just like men spot desperate men a lot more than women do. Which basically means that many of these people probably do not appear desperate to the opposite gender, but, rather, to their own gender.
.....Take care of you're end and trust me the women will come....In short, just handle your business, live life and have fun. Life is short.
Ho hum, see now, that's my problem. When I live my life, I do so alone because I like being alone and living a solitary life. I'll be the person out in the middle of the woods asking, "how come I don't get dates". And then that's when you'll tell me, get out, go find men, put yourself out on the market. Very contradictory to a person like me. (I wasn't being overly serious with this).
I will say though...I got out of a 10-year marriage looking forward to being alone and figured I wouldn't be dating anyone at all for quite awhile. And what happens? 4 months after the divorce was finalized, the love of my life basically slaps me in the face and said, "here I am". bad timing.
On the flipside of that. I have a friend who has been on many many many dates and hasn't had a relationship for over 10 years now. None of the guys live up to her standards or things just don't progress. But there are days that she hates being single and it wears on her. And she is one who lives her life and doesn't worry about it. Well, she worries now a lot more because she wants kids. Unfortunately, there is that clock.
The OP’s point is valid, but it’s easier in theory than in practice. In practice, nearly everyone (in my demographic) is married. Adults unrelated to each other will only interact through family, typically through each others’ children. Being single basically means leading a completely solitary life. That can be fine from time to time, but isn’t a viable permanent lifestyle.
What the mainstream view of “desperate†men tends to miss, is that largely the desperation is regarded as sexual. The desperate guy is desperate to “get laidâ€. That may be true in the college-age demographic, and even then the assertion is questionable. It’s far less true later in life, where the real need is for a life-partner. Simply put, taking a European vacation is much more rewarding when you’re with your life-partner, than alone. Going hiking or to the gym is more rewarding with your life-partner, than alone. Being alone doesn’t mean that one should not hike, work out or travel. But it does mean that these activities become far less rewarding.
This. I don't want to be 45 years old doing the same thing I'm doing today. I want to share those experiences with someone. I do plenty of things by myself, but it gets old after a while. Any experience I've had in the past were enhanced when I was in a relationship.
The OP’s point is valid, but it’s easier in theory than in practice. In practice, nearly everyone (in my demographic) is married. Adults unrelated to each other will only interact through family, typically through each others’ children. Being single basically means leading a completely solitary life. That can be fine from time to time, but isn’t a viable permanent lifestyle.
Also, many of us are “recovering†from long-term relationships where we were comparatively happy and where we came to define ourselves as half of a couple. To now be finding ourselves as individuals, is a jarring and stressful transition.
What the mainstream view of “desperate†men tends to miss, is that largely the desperation is regarded as sexual. The desperate guy is desperate to “get laidâ€. That may be true in the college-age demographic, and even then the assertion is questionable. It’s far less true later in life, where the real need is for a life-partner. Simply put, taking a European vacation is much more rewarding when you’re with your life-partner, than alone. Going hiking or to the gym is more rewarding with your life-partner, than alone. Being alone doesn’t mean that one should not hike, work out or travel. But it does mean that these activities become far less rewarding.
A solitary life is viable for me.
It's been 9 years since my last "date" if you could call it that.
You can always do stuff with friends or family members even if you don't have a girlfriend.
This. I don't want to be 45 years old doing the same thing I'm doing today. I want to share those experiences with someone. I do plenty of things by myself, but it gets old after a while. Any experience I've had in the past were enhanced when I was in a relationship.
I want alot of things I dont get, you just do the best you can till you run out of time.
I agree, I know waaayyyy too many women whose lives center around when she is going to find "the one", get married and have babies. It just doesn't compute to me. I'd rather enjoy myself and define myself entirely as my own person-without the need for the gf/fiance/wife/mother label.
I think that quite a few people are either young or inexperienced and rely on a BF/GF to make their life worthwile. It goes sort of like this "Well, my life sucks now, but as soon as i find a BF/GF im sure ill be happy and content". THe problem with that line of thinking is that if you arent already content with your life, happy with yourself and passionate about your life, its rather difficult to attract anyone, no matter what else you bring to the table. On the other side of the coin, those who have alot going on in their lives and are able to live their lives to their fullest, exude a level of confidence and happiness that attracts many.
I know waaayyyy too many women whose lives center around when she is going to find "the one", get married and have babies.
If you hung around a different crowd I will guarantee you this wouldn't be the case. I teach graduate students, most are between 22-28 years old. Almost none of my female students have the slightest desire to have children and very few, if any, have children. Sure, they want to find a BF, but they're not hung up on marriage and recoil from the idea of being saddled with kids. There is the occasional exception, as there is for all situations in life.
I think you'll find that the more highly educated a woman is, the less their desire to have kids. Marriage is fine, but kids? Not on the agenda, generally speaking.
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bad timing.
