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I can agree. Most men are good/nice. So are most women. We should all be gaining wisdom with age. Some don't, some gain faster and slower than others and some learn all the wrong lessons. Sometimes, we make the wrong choices either because we don't know any better. Sometimes, we make the wrong choices because we can be selfish at times.
I would say there are very few that could be categorized as 'bad' men and women. Just normal people making bad decisions for the most part.
For sure "We should all be gaining wisdom with age.
If not, then you just become an old fool. A young fool has an excuse, an old fool has none.
One thing that makes a good, bad, and nice man is experiences. Experiences change how we interact with the things around us. Think about people you know that grew up very sheltered and Christian, they have a tendency to marry young and have children young. They do this, because they are surrounded by many people who married young and had children young. It's driven into their mind that if you meet the man/woman you love, you marry them, because you don't want anyone else.
I'm going to go out on the limb and say that the more you experience in the life, the more you find yourself independent and in a good way "selfish." You become self reliant and find you don't need someone around to make you happy. You may want someone around to do activities with and eventually open up your life to, but you have a tendency to likely not find yourself in as many bad relationships.
I characterize myself as a good/nice/bad guy; however, due to other people's experiences, they could view me is a super nice guy or even a jerk. Not everyone is going to pursue you the same, due to their own personal experiences through life. Experiences can be rough and if you can't find ways to make it through tough spots in your life, you're ultimately going to end up with a person or people that take advantage of you. For every person that does something out of the goodness of their heart, there's another person looking to take from you and offer nothing in return.
Not really sure on this. I may have made poor choices at times (who hasn't) but I don't think I have been BAD..in the way I'm thinking. I don't like to hurt people. And I can honestly say I don't have ulterior motives when dealing with people. If I don't like you, I cant pretend I do. And if I'm your friend, then I'm your friend, and I'm not a backstabber. With relationships, I never have any ulterior motives. My only motive is to find someone that I care for and who will care for me back. I don't date people to get something from them, or use them. NEVER>>EVER>>have I done that. Its really not in me to be that way, when it comes to relationships or friendships.
I feel there are people who are pretty decent, honorable people, but may make a poor choice here and there. I find that to be different than people who are just BAD. Meaning they live their life being total A-holes in the things they do, and the way they treat people. I for one just don't have it in me to be bad to people intentionally just to be an a$$. Now, if someone is hurting me or putting me or my family in danger that's a different story. Hell I feel I could kill someone If need be. But that is a different story.
I think even a nice person can make a bad choice or do something bad sometimes, or a good person can as well.
Or maybe you know a nice/good person, they seem that way on the surface, and they genuinely are. But they perhaps out of desperation make a few choices that aren't really that great or nice... there was a time I would date a guy who was labeled or perceived as a "nice" guy, but he had some issues that people didn't see (temper). He was seen as nice on the surface, but once you got to know him you could see his problems. I don't think it's all black and white either, it's not so simple. It's not just GOOD or BAD. There's gray areas. I don't think you can put most people in 2, or 3, simple, neat categories like that. And like the PP said, you may never know what a person is capable of until you put them in a tough situation.
I don't agree. It comes down to character, who you are at the core. Many people are messed up at the core. They're damaged for whatever reason and it causes them to act in unhealthy ways, to treat themselves and others dysfunctionally. For example, there are people who would never lie just for the heck of it - then there are people who have no problem lying about the dumbest things. Telling the truth doesn't appeal to them. That's a major character defect.
Just as stated here. There is good character and bad character, and as was stated also, there is making a bad mistake. This is not a black and white broad brush (though it really is) but a gradient of what is good or bad. And, it is without gender - you can have good and bad men as you can have good and bad women.
Are truly bad men and women incapable of committing good actions? Relative to men, I think of Tony Soprano, a TV character who portrays a bad guy, but he does good things. Sometimes the good things are what's called for. Sometimes the good things are to garner a favor in the future. And sometimes the good things are to gain an advantage from an unsuspecting person. A bad character will regularly call in favors, and their character and motivations are obvious. The hair on the nape of your neck just stands up. And I think there are a minority of bad men and women, but their presence is really startling - they just stand out. A woman who kills cats may keep her home immaculate, always water the lawn, take care of her flower beds, see her kids to school daily, but she still kills cats, indiscriminately, that are other persons pets, by putting out food for them in her yard, catching them in rigged pet cages, and putting them in her tub of water inside the house, so no one can hear them shriek.
Conversely, there are good men and women: think Ned Flanders. And they sometimes make bad mistakes. Does this make them evil or bad people? There is a character of remorse in their behaviors, and the acknowledgement or admission that they made a bad choice. They try to do good things and they act and function well in the community. They make mistakes every so often, sometimes glaring ones, sometimes little misfortunes. Depending how we decide to magnify it, a few know about this or more are made aware.
It is a horrendous thing to drive drunk. Many people who drink do this and get home safely when they are drunk. A handful get caught: some at DUI stops, some due to poor driving, and others in a crash. Some are single vehicle crashes and they just go to the hospital for discharge. Others are multiple vehicle, they get caught, and are arrested. The callous person who drives without regard is just as bad as the good fellow who was overly tipsy and crashed without forethought (real forethought would require admission that they need someone to drive them home). A good character with remorse will never do this again (even though many drinkers fall off the wagon/relapse 4-5 times before stopping for good). A bad character will show similar remorse but do it again the following night.
Fortunately or unfortunately, even many of the worst people get mellow over time because they gain a greater awareness of who they are and what they are capable of doing, and chose to do less (evil).
But then there is advantageous choice, fair choice, and altruism. Advantageous choice is the purview of bad people. They will do things that put them at a greater advantage. Fair choice will put many people (good and bad) in good standing with others, and they simply get something out of it. It just comes back to them - I will offer you a backrub b/c you will give me a backrub. Altruism is doing things for the simple benefit of others, similar to Mother Teresa or Gandhi or M. L. King, because it is a higher order act and it is fully selfless.
Most people (men and women, good and bad) will engage in fair choice, some people (most bad, some good making bad choices) will engage in advantageous choice, and few people will engage in altruism. Anyone can engage at any level and access greater or fewer benefits or behaviors of disrepute, but it may be fair to say that bad people will make choices to put others at disadvantage a greater amount of time than others, will infrequently engage in altruism, and will make some fair choices indiscriminately while good people will make fair choices frequently and bad choices infrequently, and will engage in altruism as an ideal, but when they get caught making bad choices, they are demonized (often) and made to look like bad people for the mistakes they've made.
When this is taken to relationships, the scenarios can be equally applied. There are a few bad men and women doing more disadvantageous acts (based on calculated choice), some good acts (as happenstance), and few altruistic acts AND there are more good men and women committing good and bad behavior (more good than bad and the few bad are based on poor choices, with some choices getting greater magnification), doing fewer disadvantageous acts (out of simple, short-term vindictiveness) and working to create an ideal of altruism. Few people are engaged in true altruism (a small number of bad people and a larger number of good people). A handful are engaged in disadvantageous acts (both people of good character and bad character). More people are engaged in fair acts, some of which have good outcomes and others that have less than ideal outcomes. And these action affect workplace relationships, neighborhoods, partnering for intimacy, marriages, and families.
As Stava states, it is who the person is at the core, their character, though I don't believe there are more bad people, though those who exist as bad men and women truly stand out, and those who are good people making bad choices (and are caught at the same) are simply magnified for what they did wrong.
As a further disclaimer, the imagined horrid scenarios are just that: imagined, horrid scenarios. I have known no one who did these things at such an egregious level, although many bad things have happened to good and bad people, and a review of CDR will inform you of the multiple permutations of the same.
<not merely two cents but two bucks - dyssomnia due to sleep cycle changes leads to extended extrapolations like this>
Wow some really great post and well said info. I tend to agree that most everything is about perceptions. Everyones reality is based on perceptions of what is good, bad etc. Just as perceptions can color our reality, so can changing how we think about something can change our perceptions and then realities and thus what is good, nice or bad. Anyone else want to post there opinion?
Is there any such thing as a nice, good, or bad guy in relationships? Don't every guy or person have personal agendas in hooking up? Whats your opinion?
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