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Im 27 Years old, just been Divorced only a month w/ no children... She got the house and I moved into an apartment and I am soo lonely and just hurting. I have friends telling me she's already close with another man and I just don't know how to process this.. basically we both married each other at 23, and we were just immature and she kept cheating on me and we worked opposite hours and it just got worse and worse... she filed and I signed them but I didn't really want too... part of me did and didn't. I begged her to not go to court... but obviously she did.
I t was a long 4 years... and im just wondering how a woman can just basically up and divorce someone just because " we aren't compatiable" or she needs to "find herself" I admit I there were things I could have done to be a better husband, but here I am at 27 years old with no kids.. and an ok job. I want a family and that is so important to me, I just want to be in love and have children. can anyone relate?
Anyways man, relax, I understand how the urge to want to finally be with someone and get your life settled, but let's face it, dating takes time.
Anyways, I can tell you that you don't really want that cheating ***** of yours back. What you want is a fantasy of the person she could've been. You damn well that isn't happening, so you need to take your time and be yourself again, then when you are ready...
Im 27 Years old, just been Divorced only a month w/ no children... She got the house and I moved into an apartment and I am soo lonely and just hurting. I have friends telling me she's already close with another man and I just don't know how to process this.. basically we both married each other at 23, and we were just immature and she kept cheating on me and we worked opposite hours and it just got worse and worse... she filed and I signed them but I didn't really want too... part of me did and didn't. I begged her to not go to court... but obviously she did.
I t was a long 4 years... and im just wondering how a woman can just basically up and divorce someone just because " we aren't compatiable" or she needs to "find herself" I admit I there were things I could have done to be a better husband, but here I am at 27 years old with no kids.. and an ok job. I want a family and that is so important to me, I just want to be in love and have children. can anyone relate?
Man I truly understand where you coming from, it will sting but you have to look at it like this as a man you can't forget who you are you have to stay strong and focus. For future references never give a woman your trust, make her earn it.
I am so sorry that you are going through this, it hurts no matter what happened and the circumstances around it…
You need to tell your friends if they are truly your friends? This is the last thing you need to hear, which is your recent ex hooking up with another guy..This is not needed and not warranted…
How do you process it? You do not need to at this point…
She is going to do what she feels she needs to do and she is moving on with her life regardless of how much it hurts you…This is her choice and her decision..
This is something separate from you, so do not make it about you…
This is an after effect and you are not responsible for her moving on so quickly, this will be her issue when she finally chooses to deal with it…
Cheating is not based on immaturity…there are many young people whom do not believe in cheating ( I was young once) Do not make excuses for he behavior..She cheated simply because she could and wanted too…
She could have been stand up and broke it with you and filed for divorce before cheating…This is who she is and has nothing to do with you…
Do not take on more responsibility for the failure of your marriage than you need to…She cheated on you! Work schedules? Pish posh…
I was a military wife and lived away from my ex husband for 2 years at one time when he was over seas and never once did I use this as an excuse to cheat..you either choose to or don’t plain and simple…but again do not make excuses for her s-h-I-t-t-y behavior…
You can mull over it til the cows come home as to why she did this but you may never really get answers because she may not have real one
“Not compatible?” Okay it took her four years to figure this out?
“Needing to find herself?” That’s a cop out…
What would have more believable would be “I was too young when I got married, this is not what I thought it would be, I am not getting what I think I need or want and I want out.” It may not be nice but at least it would be honest..
I think you are on your way to being okay for the simple fact that you realize hind sight 20/20 that you did not do all things the way you would have likes and did make some errors which shows that you are taking accountability for your part in the failure of this marriage…
Stop looking back and beating yourself up..Mistakes are learning experiences…You are still young and you will find someone again maybe not now but you will..Concentrate on you and how to get back to you…
Best of luck.
Im 27 Years old, just been Divorced only a month w/ no children... She got the house and I moved into an apartment and I am soo lonely and just hurting. I have friends telling me she's already close with another man and I just don't know how to process this.. basically we both married each other at 23, and we were just immature and she kept cheating on me and we worked opposite hours and it just got worse and worse... she filed and I signed them but I didn't really want too... part of me did and didn't. I begged her to not go to court... but obviously she did.
I t was a long 4 years... and im just wondering how a woman can just basically up and divorce someone just because " we aren't compatiable" or she needs to "find herself" I admit I there were things I could have done to be a better husband, but here I am at 27 years old with no kids.. and an ok job. I want a family and that is so important to me, I just want to be in love and have children. can anyone relate?
You'll be fine if you could own a house in your name at age of 27.
My god... what a joke. By posting such nonsense you're devaluing people who are true victims of marital frauds and you are making a joke out of anyone who then points out how much destruction and further misery and mistrust is generated by laws that regulate social interaction in 20th century, and which is done deliberately. On top of that, it is also very much promoted and glorified deliberately to promote it into mainstream behavior.
I'm sorry for what you're going through. BTDT, it's not fun thinking you've failed life and you're only 27.
I want you to think about this really well....you said for 4 years she was cheating on you. You're not missing her, you're missing the person you thought she was. You're not mourning your marriage (because there really wasn't one), you're mourning your future.
Do you really want to be married to a woman who cheats. Maybe one day raising her child, that she had with another man? Supporting that child, knowing full well it's not yours? And knowing, she's probably still out there cheating on you? I doubt you really were thinking that's what life and marriage were going to be like when you got engaged.
And yes, I actually think you can up and divorce someone because you need to find yourself and not being compatible is huge. You two were young, people change. Heck, I divorced my XH of 10 years because I changed, a LOT and he didn't. And unfortunately, I no longer loved the man he was because I needed someone different, 10 years later. Sometimes you can stay married and stick it out through those changes and sometimes people change so much it's best to let them go. I let him go so he could find a woman who would truly love him, because I couldn't. He deserves to be happy with someone who loves him. Just like you do.
You will need to grieve the marriage. But I honestly believe you're grieving the "could have been's" and the future you thought you could have "if only". Once you let go of that, trust me, the grieving process will move along and eventually you will move on.
She cheated on you repeatedly and yet you still pine for her?
Come on, op.
She didn't "up and do" anything. She'd been doing it all along and now she just wanted it on paper.
I'm sorry. I know you must feel terrible. There are plenty of other people out there who are self-absorbed jerks.
Im 27 Years old, just been Divorced only a month w/ no children... She got the house and I moved into an apartment and I am soo lonely and just hurting. I have friends telling me she's already close with another man and I just don't know how to process this.. basically we both married each other at 23, and we were just immature and she kept cheating on me and we worked opposite hours and it just got worse and worse... she filed and I signed them but I didn't really want too... part of me did and didn't. I begged her to not go to court... but obviously she did.
I t was a long 4 years... and im just wondering how a woman can just basically up and divorce someone just because " we aren't compatiable" or she needs to "find herself" I admit I there were things I could have done to be a better husband, but here I am at 27 years old with no kids.. and an ok job. I want a family and that is so important to me, I just want to be in love and have children. can anyone relate?
You are still young, and one day you will find someone else and have your family. Both of you working opposite shifts didn't help I am sure, but not "being compatable" is a big deal. That means you cannot get along, and that can only last so long before a marriage falls apart. You have only been divorced a month, so this is all still new to you. Divorce is very hard no matter what the circumstances are. You are in a new apartment alone, just work and come home probably, and her already finding someone else doesn't help matters. Try to take it one day at a time. Maybe join a gym where you can work on your body as well as maybe meet someone. Go out with your male friends once in awhile, find things outside of the apartment that you can do for fun. Get a new hobby, jog in the park, see if there are any singles groups or group for people newly divorced. Good things will happy, you are just in a difficult place right now.
Sorry for you to go through this. It will get better and you'll realize you didn't miss a thing. Being young has it's advantages as you can recover quickly.
My only question is regarding the house. How'd you two come to the conclusion and further did you get your DP back or you just walk away clean from it altogether? Always been curious as to how this works in divorce.
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