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IMHO, for many people, men and women, long term relationships, monogamy are just too boring a lifestyle. A new lover is fun, exciting etc. In most cases, I don't think the problem is that you became first so wonderful that they fell in love, and then so horrible that they couldn't wait to get out. Its just they became bored, the flame and fire in the relationship died out and they wanted a new exciting lover.
As to problems in the relationship. I think in most cases, there have already been lots of conversations. But most people are selfish and stubborn. They want things their way. So there is no change. They assume that the spouse will not leave, but then are shocked when they do. IMHO, all couples, married or not are kidding themselves if they are not putting an effort into making the other happy, because at the drop of a hat, its possible for almost anyone to walk out when they just can't stand it anymore. Add in a mix of many available potential new partners, and new sexual relationships and the alternatives to the "relationship" can be pretty tempting.
Last edited by augiedogie; 06-25-2013 at 06:47 AM..
No, reason is because many people take everything for granted and he sees you as a commodity, like anything else that he has at his disposal. A car analogy comes into the deal. This means you're literally disposable at any moment and that's it. It's not a "man's thing" it's as much present among women as it is among men. Everything in the life is seen as commodity to a personal "success" or happiness.
Those are some tough times because many folks generally see others as non-human beings. They aren't even aware of that but their mindset functions like that and that's one of the biggest problems.
Both genders can be equally guilty of not realizing that it is not ones work, spouse, significant other, children, etc. which we derive our personal success, happiness...contentment, but rather our own mindset and attitude.
It is akin to chasing the when I (fill in the blank for whatever you think will bring you to your end result) and I promise you it will not be just one thing but rather a variety of life achievements and personal work that brings one to that place...that place of personal contentment and satisfaction.
It is not sex, the beautiful woman, the handsome man, the big bank account, the best job, it is the accounting of your life, your goals, your achievements (regardless of how small or how large) and seeing the results of your effort and labor.
Happy is elusive and difficult to maintain regardless of the venue. Content is a much more realistic and satisfying pursuit and goal...in my humble opinion.
I would say people do it because they're not being honest.
And sometimes, you will never get all the answers.
Thank you for the emphasis on "people," coconut. Both genders can be less than forthright when there's a problem in a relationship. It's unfortunate that, as coconut said, sometimes we will never know the real reason why a SO lost interest in the relationship.
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There doesn't need to be a reason, unless you call a feeling that something is missing or not right a reason. However, lots of people want to argue the issue and want an A, therefore B, which implies C sort of response. That's not owed to you (and could be manipulative), and may be an invalid way to looking at things. Yes, it may make you feel better, but the answer you get may have more the flavor of rationalization than explanation. Accept that something wasn't working, and very likely can't be defined usefully.
Thanks for changing the title of the thread. I also addressed the issue of gender bashing on Page 1.
As far as being too manipulative or crowding, I want to state that I told my SO that he could do other activities. I didn't have to be with him. I didn't realize he would go do the co-worker. But whatever.
And someone else suggested that I should have talked to him. I asked him every couple weeks what was troubling him and he'd say "work". Well. . . if she's that much work, maybe he should've reconsidered. LMAO
Last edited by metamorphosis; 06-25-2013 at 07:29 PM..
IMHO, for many people, men and women, long term relationships, monogamy are just too boring a lifestyle. A new lover is fun, exciting etc. In most cases, I don't think the problem is that you became first so wonderful that they fell in love, and then so horrible that they couldn't wait to get out. Its just they became bored, the flame and fire in the relationship died out and they wanted a new exciting lover.
As to problems in the relationship. I think in most cases, there have already been lots of conversations. But most people are selfish and stubborn. They want things their way. So there is no change. They assume that the spouse will not leave, but then are shocked when they do. IMHO, all couples, married or not are kidding themselves if they are not putting an effort into making the other happy, because at the drop of a hat, its possible for almost anyone to walk out when they just can't stand it anymore. Add in a mix of many available potential new partners, and new sexual relationships and the alternatives to the "relationship" can be pretty tempting.
Great post. Except that I would say that people don't actually leave when they are just bored and only bored. There has to be a bit of unhappiness mixed in there too (i.e. they're contentious and don't have a fix) before someone will actually leave. When you mix boredom+ a bit of unhappiness+ a new lover... that can equal disaster.
That's not to say that they will not go on and repeat the same pattern with their new lover either. It depends on the people involved and what the problems are.
I think that there is a perception of the other sex being "heartless" or whatever other terms about it, but really people are people, it's just all about perspective... when a woman breaks my heart, she is a so and so... when a man does the same thing, I don't see it, cause its not happening to me... LOL, it that makes any sense.
So people are spineless and don't want to deal with conflict..... it's not really much more than that OP... if you think about, every reason he could say about dumping you, isn't gonna sound pleasant, hence he doesn't want to deal with it... while not fair... it is the "isness" of the situation.
srjth: I actually think some people set this up as a life pattern, and they just keeping moving from one relationship to the next. When the combination of bored, unhappy and a new lover comes along, they are out the door.
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