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It's unfair to ask for many of the benefits of a relationship without giving the other person any commitment. You're asking them to invest time, energy & their body into a situation which has no meaning & no future, and can come with quite a few emotional, physical & life-style risks if sex is a part of it.
This is like saying, "Where can I find a bank to just give me a million dollars to spend & not have to pay it back? I hate having to work for money, save it, and manage it. I just want to have it and spend it.". What bank would "invest" that money in you? You may say, "Oh, we're both having fun", but that's like telling the bank employees "Hey, you can spend the money with me."
You're pretty much offering a guarantee for a LOSS. That's not appealing to most women. This is also what is known as USING.
A woman who will play this game likely has low self-esteem, is deluding herself about the outcome of it (thinks it may turn into a relationship), and/or is deluding herself about her own emotional needs & ability to be hurt (which will arise eventually). There may be the occasional woman who just wants an FWB and really is able to keep detached, but I wouldn't know of any way to spot them from the majority who are not that way.
Okay, if you want a friend I'll be your friend, but we can't have sex.
Dang it....I never get to sleep with random women in other states who I haven't met and know little-to-nothing about. I am flattered by offer though. Thank you.
It's unfair to ask for many of the benefits of a relationship without giving the other person any commitment. You're asking them to invest time, energy & their body into a situation which has no meaning & no future, and can come with quite a few emotional, physical & life-style risks if sex is a part of it.
This is like saying, "Where can I find a bank to just give me a million dollars to spend & not have to pay it back? I hate having to work for money, save it, and manage it. I just want to have it and spend it.". What bank would "invest" that money in you? You may say, "Oh, we're both having fun", but that's like telling the bank employees "Hey, you can spend the money with me."
You're pretty much offering a guarantee for a LOSS. That's not appealing to most women. This is also what is known as USING.
A woman who will play this game likely has low self-esteem, is deluding herself about the outcome of it (thinks it may turn into a relationship), and/or is deluding herself about her own emotional needs & ability to be hurt (which will arise eventually). There may be the occasional woman who just wants an FWB and really is able to keep detached, but I wouldn't know of any way to spot them from the majority who are not that way.
That is an ideally thorough explanation. Thank you. I like how you explained specifically the why of it. I think there are many people who don't know that....They just see something that seems like a positive...and think they'll go after the positive....
I didn't think you had asperger's -- and your evidence is convincing, as well. I prefer not to say what I do think publicly, because it carries a stigma. But, no, you are not typical.
As for the question in your OP, I think you have learned the answer for yourself: People can become emotionally involved whether or not sex is involved. Sex may make it more likely.
I think what you should do, if you wish to proceed honorably, is work on being more persuasive when you tell women you are not interested in a relationship. Sure, there will always be someone who does not believe you. But I think if you work on how you communicate, you can get to the point where 99% understand easily that you are telling the truth.
Many women are interested in platonic friendship, or in casual sex. Finding activity partners who are comfortable keeping things at an acquaintance level may be a little more difficult, but not impossible. Improving your ability to get across exactly what you are and are not open to will maximise your ability to find it.
I didn't think you had asperger's -- and your evidence is convincing, as well. I prefer not to say what I do think publicly, because it carries a stigma. But, no, you are not typical.
I think this is pretty clear, which is why our advice probably will not make much sense to him.
So I will give my boilerplate answer to these types.
Stop treating people like they are programmable machines.
Stop overanalyzing every little thing.
Stop caring what other people think. Frankly, you probably barely register on their radar. .
Get out of your damn head.
Dang it....I never get to sleep with random women in other states who I haven't met and know little-to-nothing about. I am flattered by offer though. Thank you.
So, what's the best way to just hang out with as many women as possible? To women, how should a guy act, if he wants to be around you more/talk/do entertaining activities...but desires to avoid at all costs the emotional connections/maintenance work that seems required for relationships? Taking into account, that, in all likelihood, he will never want a committed relationship with anyone.
This has become a huge problem within our society, particularly among younger men socialized within the so-called "hook up culture." Many men (and some women) spend their early adult years in social networks where easy, meaningless sex is the norm. As a consequence, they enter later adulthood having never developed the skills, patience, or even the desire to forge meaningful connections with other human beings. They essentially want sex androids--i.e. people who will help them get their sexual needs met, whom they can then ignore afterwards. They do not understand that human relationships are reciprocal, that they require work, and that people have value beyond their immediate usefulness to us.
This has become a huge problem within our society, particularly among younger men socialized within the so-called "hook up culture." Many men (and some women) spend their early adult years in social networks where easy, meaningless sex is the norm. As a consequence, they enter later adulthood having never developed the skills, patience, or even the desire to forge meaningful connections with other human beings. They essentially want sex androids--i.e. people who will help them get their sexual needs met, whom they can then ignore afterwards. They do not understand that human relationships are reciprocal, that they require work, and that people have value beyond their immediate usefulness to us.
Great post.
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