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You sound like a good man. You can only control your actions and she's not responding.
I don't think you've got a choice. You may not want the divorce but she's not given you any indication she wants to stay together.
I got divorced about 1.5 years ago after a 30+ year marriage. Do you know I still see her ? We had dinner tonight, watched a movie and went for ice cream.
Just because you're divorced doesn't mean you can't possibly be in her life. It might take the pressure off and you might be able to see more clearly.
She has a lot of history.
Why would you formally marry anyway? If people want to be together they are together..much like this writer..after almost 30 years together - I still have lunch with my former spouse..we discuss the adult kids..and on occasion we get intimate. The point is...Children are a history and a bond between people...Maybe you should get out of the way and allow the father to be father...Your interests are in the woman...not the family.
Well, I think she has problems-- and maybe you do too. The screaming, throwing things, and picking apart what you say is not just about the ex husband, is it? Normal people do not behave that way consistently. Normal healthy people don't do that.
I'm sorry for her children, but you should let the divorce go through and get very far away.
Well, if she has three children from 3 different men at age 30, I'd say she has issues. Perhaps she enjoys the hunt of capturing a man and then when she has him, she is ready to move onto another.
I really don't know, all I know is that if it were me, I'd cut my losses and move on. The true victims are her children, they will carry their childhood into adulthood, she certainly is not leading by example.
I find women are much more willing to quit because the laws favor them in the divorce, she has a better chance of being happy post divorce than she would have had 50 years ago so there is no motivation for her to stay. This is why there is no motivation for men to even get married in the first place.
The government is trying to social engineer society and its not working, its resulting in negative birth rates for white upper middle and middle class and less marriages.
Negative birth rates? What is that, murder or something??
When you go into a situation like that (she's been a single mother her whole life, she's used to DOING everything herself, she doesn't need a guy's help) it can sometimes take a lot of adjusting.
As a guy, you probably want to tell her 'You should maybe do this, or maybe do that' but having always done it herself she doesn't want to hear it, and will likely do it her way anyhow.
The problem is that there are so many dynamics at play, it's difficult to have a peaceful relationship. There's your relationship with your wife, your relationship with each child, her relationship to her exes, your relationships with her exes, your and the wife and kids relationship as a family. That's a lot of potential for conflicts on many fronts.
Only the two of you can decide if your relationship is strong enough to work through this. It takes a whole lot of work and honest communication.
This is a tough one. I look at her pattern. It seems she has had a daughter with more than one man. At least one of these men is crazy. I am curious what attracts a man to a woman like this. If you could tell me I'd really appreciate it and would really like to understand. But besides that, one of two things is happening. Either she is confused as to what she wants or she has decided she doesn't want to save the marriage and that is why she is avoiding you. I think she needs to decide on her own if she will return to you or not. You've reached out, she has not responded. Just sit tight, move if you need to move. If there is something to do on your end as far as the divorce and you don't want the divorce, don't do it. I hope that helps. But give her space. She is fully capable of reaching out when she's ready. Don't become like her ex that harasses you two.
Don't miss the court date or the judge will give her wants she wants in court and you will be screwed. If anything maybe try to talk to her again before court.
Oh I didn't notice this, if there is a court date, yes, you must show up. Let her divorce you is all I meant, don't do the work for her. I think she expects you to chase her like the Jerry Springer ex. DON'T.
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For a guy that's pretty disappointing.
