Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We booked all the wedding vendors and I ordered my wedding dress.
About a month ago he showed me a picture of the ring and it wasn't at all the one I picked out. I wasn't mad or anything, a ring is a ring and the new one was pretty, but I did say "oh, you ordered a different one" He said this one was cheaper. I just said ok and left it. Two weeks ago my mom asked him what the hold up is with the ring (the store said 3-4 weeks and at this point it had been 6) and he told her, to my total shock, that he had cancelled it because it wasn't the one I wanted. He said he hasn't ordered a new one yet and he will "when he gets around to it"
A week before we got engaged he bought himself a Porsche and a new golf membership. He definitely does not have any money issues and has more than twice my annual salary in his chequing account alone. Keep in mind, I have a great job and I'm not short of cash myself so I am definitely not a gold digger. The day after the conversation with my mom he bought himself an expensive new computer for playing online poker. All he does when he is not working or golfing is play online poker.
I know this sounds bad but I'm growing more and more resentful every single day. I'm so sick of people asking to see the ring and hear about the proposal story and I have neither. I'm hurt! He knew that both (the proposal especially) was super important to me and he just ignored it. I feel so unimportant to him over this and I'm sure I'm probably being stupid but I can't help it. I put up with his outright lies about a proposal coming soon for an entire year and now that we're engaged I hate it! I'm sick of the pity looks and I'm sick of the "did he spend the ring money on his new car?" comments. My ex didn't propose (I married and divorced young) and got me a ring that was on sale so that he could get himself a new bike and it always made me feel like crap. Now 10 years later I'm in the same situation.
He is a great guy. He usually puts me happiness first and we have so much fun together. I do love him with all my heart which is why all of this is even more difficult.
How can I get over this and feel less resentful? Am I just being really selfish?
Read the words you wrote then make a decision as to what you should do, you are the only one who knows what is right for you and random strangers on a public forum can only guess as to what should be done without knowing from him directly what his side of the story is.
Buy yourself a ring that you love instead of waiting for him to follow through. He's had plenty of time and opportunity. It's just not high on his list.
Well, he doesn't sound like he feels strongly about being married to you, vanilla. But I'd talk to him about your feelings. If you're getting married to him, you might as well get this out so that you're not walking down the aisle with feelings of resentment.
We booked all the wedding vendors and I ordered my wedding dress.
About a month ago he showed me a picture of the ring and it wasn't at all the one I picked out. I wasn't mad or anything, a ring is a ring and the new one was pretty, but I did say "oh, you ordered a different one" He said this one was cheaper. I just said ok and left it. Two weeks ago my mom asked him what the hold up is with the ring (the store said 3-4 weeks and at this point it had been 6) and he told her, to my total shock, that he had cancelled it because it wasn't the one I wanted. He said he hasn't ordered a new one yet and he will "when he gets around to it"
A week before we got engaged he bought himself a Porsche and a new golf membership. He definitely does not have any money issues and has more than twice my annual salary in his chequing account alone. Keep in mind, I have a great job and I'm not short of cash myself so I am definitely not a gold digger. The day after the conversation with my mom he bought himself an expensive new computer for playing online poker. All he does when he is not working or golfing is play online poker.
I know this sounds bad but I'm growing more and more resentful every single day. I'm so sick of people asking to see the ring and hear about the proposal story and I have neither. I'm hurt! He knew that both (the proposal especially) was super important to me and he just ignored it. I feel so unimportant to him over this and I'm sure I'm probably being stupid but I can't help it. I put up with his outright lies about a proposal coming soon for an entire year and now that we're engaged I hate it! I'm sick of the pity looks and I'm sick of the "did he spend the ring money on his new car?" comments. My ex didn't propose (I married and divorced young) and got me a ring that was on sale so that he could get himself a new bike and it always made me feel like crap. Now 10 years later I'm in the same situation.
He is a great guy. He usually puts me happiness first and we have so much fun together. I do love him with all my heart which is why all of this is even more difficult.
How can I get over this and feel less resentful? Am I just being really selfish?
Put the brakes on the wedding until you get to the bottom of why you keep choosing men like this.
There IS a reason.
And until you understand it and do some internal work on yourself, you will not make relationship choices that lead to happiness.
Forget about a damn ring. You really need to sit down and rethink the entire relationship.
Here are some of the comments I pulled out of your post....
He said he hasn't ordered a new one yet and he will "when he gets around to it"
All he does when he is not working or golfing is play online poker.
I feel so unimportant to him over this.
I put up with his outright lies about a proposal coming soon for an entire year
now that we're engaged It always made me feel like crap.
Now 10 years later I'm in the same situation.
He is a great guy. He usually puts me happiness first and we have so much fun together.
****NUMBERS 1-4 COMPLETELY CONTRADICT YOUR LAST STATEMENT.****
When a man is truly interested in you HE WILL MAKE YOU A PRIORITY.
THE GUY DIDN'T EVEN PROPOSE. YOU PROPOSED TO HIM.
When are you ladies ever going to learn?
Don't make the same mistake twice.
So well said.
This is the way I would put it - never marry a man who is not willing to swim through crocodile infested waters to bring you a lemonade on a hot summer day
He's just not that into you. He's done you a favor by cancelling the ring and dragging his feet in general. It gives you an opportunity to walk away, which I strongly recommend you do. It won't get any better than this. It'll only go downhill. You don't want to be locked into a marriage with this guy for the rest of your life, do you?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
