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I think I've spoken very positively about my wife here on the forum. I suppose I'm bragging a bit, but when you've got something good you like talking about it, right? And sometimes you see or experience things that completely reinforce how good you have it. I already know I'm onto a good thing with my wife, but sometimes I forget just how good I have it. Then I get little reminders.
For the last week, my wife and I have had some house guests. They're very good people and in no way do I wish for this to be misconstrued as a complaint. They are as good a house guest as you could ask for. But when you live closely with others for an extended period of time, or even as short as a week, you pick up on nuances that you would otherwise not notice.
This family is in a transitional period in their lives. They are on the brink of buying a new home, and it could be going a little more smoothly for them. I can appreciate her frustration because my wife and I went through the same thing last fall. But what blows me away is how much she marginalizes her husband. She also becomes extremely irritable with him over the smallest things. Usually this happens as a result of frustration due to the search for a house, but there are other examples, too. While the husband is the primary bread-winner in their family, the wife is the one who has the strong personality. He is passive, though certainly not a floor mat. It's just their dynamic.
Yesterday my wife and I were outside doing some yard work. Our guests were tending to their housing search. I mentioned to my wife how glad I am that she does not talk to me the way our friend talks to her husband. I'm decisively less passive than our friend, so if my wife talked to me like that it would likely result in an argument. But the point is, she doesn't.
I realize I am comparing my family dynamic to someone else's which is not necessarily an apples to apples comparison. But if I had to sum it up, I would definitely say my wife respects me much more than our friend respects her husband. That is the perception from where I sit, though I acknowledge I am probably not seeing their whole picture. Still I can't help but have a renewed sense of gratitude with the wife I have.
First, I am glad that you and your wife have such a wonderful relationship. No money can buy that. However, what you are seeing from your house guests may not be disrespect as much as stress. They are living in your home, eating your food, not knowing how long they will be living in your home and eating your food, trying not to make a mess of your home, trying to live within the boundaries of your rules, looking for a new home for themselves--you get the picture.
Everyone's relationship is different. If this is how you always see them, then this dynamic works for them. It just won't work for you.
First, I am glad that you and your wife have such a wonderful relationship. No money can buy that. However, what you are seeing from your house guests may not be disrespect as much as stress. They are living in your home, eating your food, not knowing how long they will be living in your home and eating your food, trying not to make a mess of your home, trying to live within the boundaries of your rules, looking for a new home for themselves--you get the picture.
Everyone's relationship is different. If this is how you always see them, then this dynamic works for them. It just won't work for you.
I would buy that if not for the fact that I have picked up on it in small doses in previous engagements with this family. I'm sure what I'm seeing is at least partially a result of stress, but this is a dynamic I've seen before in this couple.
First, I am glad that you and your wife have such a wonderful relationship. No money can buy that. However, what you are seeing from your house guests may not be disrespect as much as stress. They are living in your home, eating your food, not knowing how long they will be living in your home and eating your food, trying not to make a mess of your home, trying to live within the boundaries of your rules, looking for a new home for themselves--you get the picture.
Some people don't treat others disrespectfully no matter how stressed they are. Or, at least, they instantly catch themselves and apologise.
I would also add that your wife is a lucky woman to have a husband that takes the time to appreciate her. That appreciation and verbal confirmation is worth more then flowers or empty compliments.
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Respect yourself and others will follow suit.
