Some parents should be required to get counseling before divorcing

[*Sixy*]

Originally Posted by cindersslipper

I don't agree with the assumption that "counselling" is necessarily a good thing in the first place.

Just like any profession, there are good ones and bad ones. What happens if you get a bad one?

Then you dragged out the process of divorce and lost a good bit of money too. Winning

[goodheathen]

It wouldn't drag out the process, unless people were looking to be officially divorced in a few weeks, which in 99% of cases is nuts.

Are there bad counselors? Absolutely. But let's assume there are more good than bad, and the idea would allow for switching counselors or both parents deciding that counseling isn't helping and proceeding with divorce. Of course people could post negative reviews on places like Yelp, so the system would be somewhat self-correcting (keeping business away from lousy marriage counselors).

[goodheathen]

I never addressed the negative feedback to my thought that marriage counselors would discount their services to parents on the brink. Why aren't they already doing that? Well, if publicized, their other clients probably would complain about having to pay more. And therapists probably would be more likely to discount when young children are involved than when it's just older children.

Anyway, read this.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/06/130629164737.htm?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium= feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+sciencedaily%2Fmind_brai n%2Fpsychology+%28ScienceDaily%3A+Mind+%26+Brain+N ews+--+Psychology%29

I'm thinking maybe it would be safer to only apply the requirement when there are kids under age 16. There isn't enough data on how divorce typically affects children of different ages, but I'm not surprised the article points toward more damage to young children.

[2mares]

"Much good." You seem to acknowledge that can help a little, and that's just
some lousy government-run class.

Im just going by the number of divorced couples that still can not manage to co parent and use their children as pawns or for revenge. These parenting classes IMO are a good idea just not carried out in a more positive manner. That's generally what happens when gov. mandates. Its just a money maker for those agencies providing the "counseling". They get paid regardless and there is not follow-up. It can even be done on-line.

I only learned after starting this thread that, in some places, judges can order
counseling. But why would he or she? I think a judge would rather stay out of
that stuff. Maybe that's why I'd never heard of it before.

Most divorces never go to court. There is a standard division of assets and debt and child custody/support etc. then couples and their attorneys negotiate. Sometimes outside mediation is required. When it all has to go before the judge is when it is a big ol' mess with losts of underlying issues, resentments and bad behavior. This is when the judge might determine that the couple needs counseling. It is their job to deal with that stuff.

Unless I see data or reports to the contrary, I'm going to believe that most
couples (with or without kids) never go to counseling before divorcing. Maybe
one side usually wants to, but often it doesn't happen for various reasons. In
my opinion, if a couple divorces without first getting counseling, in almost any
case that means they haven't done enough. (Nagging, putting the other person
first, and some other commonly used amateur techniques don't work.)

I have no idea. In my first divorce (father of our children) he became a violent alcoholic and cheated. No amount of counseling would have helped.

Second time, IDK, I might have once considered it but after doing some research on my own it was obvious he suffered NPD. The hardest thing to accept is that it cant get any better no matter what you do. I tried my best but sometimes you just have to jump ship to keep from drowning.

Cost? Okay, $200 per session would be an obvious burden on many people, and I'm
not sure I would be promoting the idea at that price. However, I figure that,
unlike mediation services, marital counseling usually is available for much less
than that. Sometimes, probably not often, health insurance pays for it. Also, I
expect that if government were mandating it, some counselors would step in to
offer discounted visits for self-promotion and/or from a genuine wish to spare
children the pain of divorce.

I have no idea what the cost is for marriage counseling. Again, I think the mandatory parenting classes would be beneficial but not the way they are conducted at least in my state. The attorneys, judges and everyone involved in family court don't really care about the children.

[goodheathen]

I wanted to thank your post, but apparently I've spoiled you too much lately.

Based on your experience and anything you've read, do you think a narcissist would be likely to agree to marriage counseling after separation? If not, then that would save everyone's time, since narcissists' relationships usually are doomed.