Some parents should be required to get counseling before divorcing (date, wives)

[goodheathen]

And the fact that I would have to talk to anyone who doesn't know me from
Adam, and that person who knows nothing about me or my situation dictate whether
I should stay in a relationship or not is just ridiculous.

That probably means me, but if you mean a marital counselor, even he or she doesn't really dictate anything. Therapy usually provides a few tips and helps people sort out their feelings and goals. If more people went to counseling and learned things from it, maybe it would spread by osmosis, even to people who aren't in therapy. One objection I can agree with is the opening up to a stranger about a personal situation - but still, that's not a good reason to forgo marital help, especially when the well-being of children is involved.

[goodheathen]

Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou

If she hadn't cheated then the parents would be together and maybe he wouldn't have robbed a bank.

It would be a less eye-rolling example if you explained it by way of his hanging out with the wrong crowd and/or developing a drug addiction as a coping method for divorce-related turmoil. Even so, I couldn't absolve him of all responsibility.

Can you or someone else please change course and talk (off-topic slightly) about situations in which the Catholic Church, in pre-marital counseling, might discourage people from marrying?

[Idon'tdateyou]

Originally Posted by goodheathen

It would be a less eye-rolling example if you explained it by way of his hanging out with the wrong crowd and/or developing a drug addiction as a coping method for divorce-related turmoil. Even so, I couldn't absolve him of all responsibility.

Can you or someone else please change course and talk (off-topic slightly) about situations in which the Catholic Church, in pre-marital counseling, might discourage people from marrying?

I also do some work with kids and there is a big difference between the kids with married parents and those with divorced or never married. I do know when the parents got divorced the kids started getting in trouble at school. I saw it when my friend's niece and nephews and though the other kids didn't get into trouble like he did they did get into issues like drugs.

I haven't gone through the process at the Catholic Church but if someone is incompatible they strongly discourage the wedding.I believe it mostly has to do with various moral issues, like having kids.

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by Raptor76

Punish the kids???? The kids can still be taken care very well if the parents divorce, just like they can live a life of total misery if they stay together.

In my instance, my mom divorcing my father was a matter of survival. It may have been a struggle financially for a while, but in my case money problems were a nice problem compared to dealing 24/7 with an alcoholic father.

[2mares]

but realistically government-pushed divorce counseling is probably the
biggest feasible fix.

Do you live in the US? Government pushed anything is never the best feasible fix.

[strawberrykiki]

Terrible idea, sorry. I'm an adult and if I want to get married and divorced, then that's my decision and none of the government's business. There shouldn't be hoops to jump through to get married or divorced. Let's assume mentally capable adults can make decisions about their personal lives without government help.

Counseling can be fantastic. I bet counseling has saved quite a few marriages, but counseling helps people who really want it. It won't do anything forcing someone to sit through a bunch of sessions they don't want to be at.

[Cantabridgienne]

Here's the thing: if one or both people are checked out of a marriage and want to end it, it doesn't matter if this dream government of yours insist they "try harder". Married couples can live apart and sleep with other people and not be together in any way except in title. It sounds like the title is more important to some of you than anything else.

[highlife2]

Maybe if divorce is not even allowed with minor children involved. Then when mom gets tired of cheating and dad gets tired of the hookers out of the family account they can work it out.

[highlife2]

Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne

Here's the thing: if one or both people are checked out of a marriage and want to end it, it doesn't matter if this dream government of yours insist they "try harder". Married couples can live apart and sleep with other people and not be together in any way except in title. It sounds like the title is more important to some of you than anything else.

It would prevent things like alimony and child support so if the mom wanted to live on her own then thats fine but there would be no bennies, this would enable dad to hire out his sex since most women wont tolerate sleeping with a married man like men tolerate sleeping with married women.

so it would actually work out pretty decently.

[*Sixy*]

Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou

Getting divorced because someone got fat or because they fell out of love are definitely ridiculous reasons. Fine find your spouse repulsive but stick with the because of the kids. Fine fall out of love with your spouse (whatever that means)but don't punish the kids.

Are you for real? If my husband found me repulsive I would HOPE he would have enough sense to leave. I don't want anyone that doesn't want me and I sure as hell wouldn't want him sharing my bed and my home if he found me repulsive. I wouldn't want my kids being raised in that kind of environment and having that be their example of what marriage should be like.

Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou

Yes kids need both parents and yes I have had relationships. However I am tired of parents not sticking together for the kids. A friend of mine had a sister who dumped her husband for another man. Her son is now in prison for armed robbery.

Maybe it was their crappy marriage that caused his behavior. Ever hear of attention seeking behavior? Maybe, maybe, maybe. There are a lot of variables. The fact that they divorced is hardly the reason.

Originally Posted by goodheathen

Can you or someone else please change course and talk (off-topic slightly) about situations in which the Catholic Church, in pre-marital counseling, might discourage people from marrying?

I went to pre-marital counseling (Catholic) before we were married. They really do not discourage people from getting married...they just give you strategies to "problem solve" in a relationship. Most people who go to this counseling do so because it's required to get married in the Catholic church, not because they want to be there. It was pretty much a waste of time (or at least the ones my family attended -all at different churches). The only thing I actually remember from counseling is discussing what family we'd spend the holidays with. The rest obviously wasn't earth shattering information.

Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou

I also do some work with kids and there is a big difference between the kids with married parents and those with divorced or never married. I do know when the parents got divorced the kids started getting in trouble at school. I saw it when my friend's niece and nephews and though the other kids didn't get into trouble like he did they did get into issues like drugs.

I haven't gone through the process at the Catholic Church but if someone is incompatible they strongly discourage the wedding.I believe it mostly has to do with various moral issues, like having kids.

I teach and I can almost always tell which parents have a crappy marriage and which kids have lost a parent to an untimly death. The kids that have divorced parents are usually not the ones that are acting out. Actually, of the approx 150 kids I taught this year...the ones with the worst behavior problems were in families where the parents were still married. Mostly it was inappropriate behavior towards the opposite sex and violent outbursts with both teachers and other students.