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I was in a relatively happy marriage (At least I thought it was.) 2.5 years ago I discovered my wife was was having an affair. Shortly after, she left me. We were married 28 years. She remains with him today. At first I was so despondent I drank daily and lost 25 lbs. I eventually pulled out of that and have had varying moods. Some days are good, some not so good and some awful. One thing has never changed though. I live daily with an underlying sense of sadness, anxiety and regret with little or no motivation in this life, feeling all alone.
I used to be and extreme mountain climber, diver and other things. Spending 5 days a week in the gym to train. But this divorce blind sided me and knocked me down so hard, I still can't get up to even walk around the block. I walk around lost instead, not knowing where to turn or who to turn to. I virtually have no family with few exceptions. No one on her side has reached out to me once. I do have a GF who I live with. I've tried very hard to make things work but I just can't hide the things that haunt me and it's not fair to her.
My ex-wife was the love of my life and my soul mate. I've come to realize I'll always have a hole in my heart and live in this waking nightmare until G-D brings me peace.
i think, for soul mates to exist, both people have to feel the same way about each other, and obviously she did not if she was getting nailed by another guy behind your back.
I was in a relatively happy marriage (At least I thought it was.) 2.5 years ago I discovered my wife was was having an affair. Shortly after, she left me. We were married 28 years. She remains with him today. At first I was so despondent I drank daily and lost 25 lbs. I eventually pulled out of that and have had varying moods. Some days are good, some not so good and some awful. One thing has never changed though. I live daily with an underlying sense of sadness, anxiety and regret with little or no motivation in this life, feeling all alone.
I used to be and extreme mountain climber, diver and other things. Spending 5 days a week in the gym to train. But this divorce blind sided me and knocked me down so hard, I still can't get up to even walk around the block. I walk around lost instead, not knowing where to turn or who to turn to. I virtually have no family with few exceptions. No one on her side has reached out to me once. I do have a GF who I live with. I've tried very hard to make things work but I just can't hide the things that haunt me and it's not fair to her.
My ex-wife was the love of my life and my soul mate. I've come to realize I'll always have a hole in my heart and live in this waking nightmare until G-D brings me peace.
My sweet hurting friend, God cannot "bring you peace" until you allow him to.
Right now you are too invested in holding on to the pain because to let it go means you have truly let her go, and that is very scary for you I'm sure.
You have been deeply wounded and are grieving.
The loss of your wife is like a death, and no one recovers from the death of a loved one easily
Try to hang on - there is hope!
Time can be a great healer and you have just got to hang in there and give yourself more of it okay?
But, you also have to be more proactive. Remember, God helps those who help themselves!
Living with another woman is a bad bad idea.
First order of business, find your own place. Even if you want to keep the girlfriend (not really a good idea) you shouldn't be living with her, and you know it.
Ever heard the expression "fake it until you make it"?
This is what you are going to have to do to jump start your life at this point.
Start with small goals. Just for today set as a goal that you will walk down the street for 5 minutes.
Tomorrow set another small goal. The more small goals you accomplish day in and day out the better you will begin to feel about yourself.
Drive to your gym. Go in for 5 minutes. Stroll on a treadmill or do a few light weights, then leave. Promise yourself you'll only do a few minutes, no pressure.
Accomplishing little goals like this will get the ball rolling, I promise.
I sympathize with you, friend, but I don't think there is anything we can do or say to make it better for you. Have you tried medication/therapy? A short course of SRIs may help you overcome your listlessness enough to resume some of your old natural dopamine-boosting activities.
But I am very concerned for your girlfriend. Does she know she does not make you happy? Are you using her? Please don't do that to people.
My sweet hurting friend, God cannot "bring you peace" until you allow him to.
Right now you are too invested in holding on to the pain because to let it go means you have truly let her go, and that is very scary for you I'm sure.
You have been deeply wounded and are grieving.
The loss of your wife is like a death, and no one recovers from the death of a loved one easily
Try to hang on - there is hope!
Time can be a great healer and you have just got to hang in there and give yourself more of it okay?
But, you also have to be more proactive. Remember, God helps those who help themselves!
Living with another woman is a bad bad idea.
First order of business, find your own place. Even if you want to keep the girlfriend (not really a good idea) you shouldn't be living with her, and you know it.
Ever heard the expression "fake it until you make it"?
This is what you are going to have to do to jump start your life at this point.
Start with small goals. Just for today set as a goal that you will walk down the street for 5 minutes.
Tomorrow set another small goal. The more small goals you accomplish day in and day out the better you will begin to feel about yourself.
Drive to your gym. Go in for 5 minutes. Stroll on a treadmill or do a few light weights, then leave. Promise yourself you'll only do a few minutes, no pressure.
Accomplishing little goals like this will get the ball rolling, I promise.
I was in a relatively happy marriage (At least I thought it was.) 2.5 years ago I discovered my wife was was having an affair. Shortly after, she left me. We were married 28 years. She remains with him today. At first I was so despondent I drank daily and lost 25 lbs. I eventually pulled out of that and have had varying moods. Some days are good, some not so good and some awful. One thing has never changed though. I live daily with an underlying sense of sadness, anxiety and regret with little or no motivation in this life, feeling all alone.
I used to be and extreme mountain climber, diver and other things. Spending 5 days a week in the gym to train. But this divorce blind sided me and knocked me down so hard, I still can't get up to even walk around the block. I walk around lost instead, not knowing where to turn or who to turn to. I virtually have no family with few exceptions. No one on her side has reached out to me once. I do have a GF who I live with. I've tried very hard to make things work but I just can't hide the things that haunt me and it's not fair to her.
My ex-wife was the love of my life and my soul mate. I've come to realize I'll always have a hole in my heart and live in this waking nightmare until G-D brings me peace.
If this is real (I'm always suspect of new posters starting topics with their first post and without profiles) how does your GF feel about this? Seems very unfair to her as I do not think you are ready for any kind of a new relationship. You need help immediately from a trained professional.
I'm having a bit of a problem comprehending what I bolded.
How can one be "lost and alone" yet have a live-in girlfriend? The alone part does not make sense to me.
I was in a relatively happy marriage (At least I thought it was.) 2.5 years ago I discovered my wife was was having an affair. Shortly after, she left me. We were married 28 years. She remains with him today. At first I was so despondent I drank daily and lost 25 lbs. I eventually pulled out of that and have had varying moods. Some days are good, some not so good and some awful. One thing has never changed though. I live daily with an underlying sense of sadness, anxiety and regret with little or no motivation in this life, feeling all alone.
I used to be and extreme mountain climber, diver and other things. Spending 5 days a week in the gym to train. But this divorce blind sided me and knocked me down so hard, I still can't get up to even walk around the block. I walk around lost instead, not knowing where to turn or who to turn to. I virtually have no family with few exceptions. No one on her side has reached out to me once. I do have a GF who I live with. I've tried very hard to make things work but I just can't hide the things that haunt me and it's not fair to her.
My ex-wife was the love of my life and my soul mate. I've come to realize I'll always have a hole in my heart and live in this waking nightmare until G-D brings me peace.
"I used to be and extreme mountain climber, diver and other things. Spending 5 days a week in the gym to train"
With all of these activities were you ignoring your wife when you were married?
lovesMountains - Thank you for such a heartfelt post.
About 6 years ago I took my wife to Tromso Norway in March (during the equinox. The best time to see the Aurora.) It was 30 below. We drank hot chocolate and held hands while watching the lights dance. I don't know why but I keep going back to that moment. It was pure joy. The kind of joy that only lasts seconds. But this lasted much longer. She was not much of an adventurer and only went on a few of 'my' trips. Although I took her on so many cruises and other trips, I can't count them.
We did start growing apart, which I take half the blame for but instead of her coming to me she went to another man. She probably left me in her mind a few years before I ever knew it.
My GF and I have been together for 1.5 years. I just moved in with her last month and it hasn't been easy. We have little in common and fight often. She is VERY aware of my situation and what I'm going through. She came into my life when I was in a very bad place; much worse than now. I warned her about me yet she stayed. I have tried to break up with her numerous times yet we stay together. I know it's wrong but I can't bring myself to leave. I have been honest with her about my feelings. Perhaps on some level I don't want her to experience the hurt I did. Nor do I want to go through another breakup. It's really not fair to either one of us. I suspect, part of my current unhappiness is this relationship.
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