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This has happened several time in making plans to meet up with a potential Internet date. We can establish the times and areas where going to be and even establish that we definitely *do* want to meet in person... But there seems to be a long haul when getting up to choosing the actual bar/restaurant/location. It usually ends up that I offer a location not because I really like it but just because he seems too slow in suggesting a place.
Is it that I am too abrupt and want an address immediately? Or was I the one, as the female, to choose a location?
I always thought the guy was supposed to take the upper hand in dating (since women get it in marriage, bwa ha ha!)
This has happened several time in making plans to meet up with a potential Internet date. We can establish the times and areas where going to be and even establish that we definitely *do* want to meet in person... But there seems to be a long haul when getting up to choosing the actual bar/restaurant/location. It usually ends up that I offer a location not because I really like it but just because he seems too slow in suggesting a place.
Is it that I am too abrupt and want an address immediately? Or was I the one, as the female, to choose a location?
I always thought the guy was supposed to take the upper hand in dating (since women get it in marriage, bwa ha ha!)
I guess it depends on what you mean by immediately.
Internet dating is tough. Not knowing someone well and trying to pick a decent place takes experience and practice. And then there's the whole, "Are we ready for a dinner type date, or is this a coffee type meet and greet?"
Most the time, I ask if she is interested in meeting up. I choose an evening a few days out. Then I pick a place in 24-48 hours. If the woman is willing to give input on meeting up, it is a huge bonus (as long as it is realistic, and not a $100 /plate restaurant suggestion).
And then there's the challenge of knowing logistically a good spot. Many people get turned off if they have to travel, or 'aren't that into you' enough to drive that 20 miles or whatever.
I think I've only ever wanted to meet for coffee or drinks for first time meetings. There is nothing like the indigestion that comes from sitting through an entire meal with someone you can't stand!
That being said. I live in NYC and it's super hard to know "cool" locations, especially when you're both trying to find a place that is equidistant. I really find it uncomfortable, all the hemming and hawing, and usually do a quick search on Yelp to get us out of the situation. At the same time, I feel that maybe this approach is too aggressive.
I think women will end up picking the first meeting place because the guy travels to the woman. He may not know the area. The type of guys I date though, most do the picking.
Ok. That's a good point. I think I'll use that as a point of reference. He can come to me!
Yes, it's easier that way. Then if he wants you to pick, you can have one place that you usually go, then you don't have to think about it. For me, he gets bonus points if he doesn't know my area, but still picks the place!
I used to make plans and choose locations, but I generally don't anymore because of past issues with being too 'needy' or 'masculine'. I let the guy choose and if it's going to be an issue (I don't have a car, so suggesting somewhere in the suburbs isn't going to work)I'll say something, but it's rarely a problem. I don't do dinner for a first date, so it's usually drinks fairly early on and if we get along, sometimes that turns into dinner or some other activity. Last time, I met for drinks and we got along well so we went to the movies and then had dinner afterwards.
You - as the woman - should choose the location for an initial meeting. It should be public and safe, as should the parking area. If the distance is considerable, it's polite to offer something midway between, unless he's okay with the distance.
Whoever asked the other to meet up first should choose. I always choose though since it's easy and I like to try different coffee places. If a man can't choose a place, he either isn't that into meeting you, lazy/procrasticnator, or doesn't know what he's doing. This ain't rocket science esp with Yelp reviews nowadays.
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For me, he gets bonus points if he doesn't know my area, but still picks the place!
