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Talk to her directly, kindly, sincerely and openly. But nip it in the bud now. This kind of insecurity is completely toxic. If she needs to question your every move, then she will place blame for her every jealous feeling on you, which means she will never gain control of her jealousy herself.
I agree with this. I'm not sure I could be with someone who questioned my every move and I suspect the more serious you get the worse her jealousy and insecurities will become. Maybe she does need some counseling. There must be some reason for her trust issues.
Slow day at work...I thought about your post and wanted to chime in with something else. I think if you guys really love each other and she knows this is a problem and wants to change, then you can work on this. Sometimes people here are really quick to advise someone to dump their SO and move along, but the truth is no one is going to be perfect. You could dump this girl and find one more confident and trusting, but there will be something that bugs you because that's the way it goes. Does she acknowledge she has trouble trusting you? Sometimes you can know a behavior isn't rational or justified, but it's difficult to change even if you want to.
Some people are naturally confident and trusting while others aren't. I have a bit of a jealous streak myself and it's worse now that I had a very bad relationship experience in the past. I try to manage it, but sometimes I can't help it completely. I still think some counseling could help get to the root of her issues if this is really becomming a problem, but I don't think this is something you should just dump her and move along from. And 10 months is enough time to move in with someone...geez, some of you are so judgmental sometimes. Who says 10 months isn't enough time?
She sounds insecure. I suggest you both go to relationship counselling to deal with this issue of her lack of trust. It does not sound like you are doing anything that isn't totally normal, yet she is looking for problems. It's not healthy for the future of your relationship, and you should not have to "walk on eggshells" because of her issues.
I'm already exhausted and frustrated with what little you wrote about her insecurities. First 10 months is NOT long enough knowing someone to move in together. Next, she needs serious professional therapy for her extreme jealously and controlling ways. After that what the hades is she doing logging on to your facebook page? There are things that should remain private since you are still individuals even though you are a couple. It is not required nor advised to not keep some things separate.
As far as the text you received from an ex girlfriend there was no reason to tell the current girlfriend. You texted back not interested because you have a girlfriend, end of story. She should not be looking through your phone, email, facebook, computer history or wallet either. She is too high emotional maintenance in my opinion.
i dont think she goes through my stuff, but as a friend sees my occasional updates etc etc. I dont have any passwords set, and usually stay signed in to my FB or email. I agree some things should be kept private, but i truly have nothing to hide, so im not going to start locking things up, espacialy that i dont think shes being nosy. Its really hard to explain, but it doesnt matter what I do, she seems to have a need to create these issues from thin air, as long as we can argue about it every 3 or 4 days and she can question my loyalty in the process.
If nothing at all happens, she then goes months back into the past, digs up something petty and overthinks/overanalyzes it to a point where it becomes a complete fantasy. For someone who has always been loyal, its extremely taxing and draining. Im beginning to question our future as a couple, if we cannot get over this.
She's probably very insecure and a lot of times, it goes back to childhood, so just because she was never cheated on, it doesn't matter. She needs to build her own self-esteem and there is nothing you can do about it.
Slow day at work...I thought about your post and wanted to chime in with something else. I think if you guys really love each other and she knows this is a problem and wants to change, then you can work on this. Sometimes people here are really quick to advise someone to dump their SO and move along, but the truth is no one is going to be perfect. You could dump this girl and find one more confident and trusting, but there will be something that bugs you because that's the way it goes. Does she acknowledge she has trouble trusting you? Sometimes you can know a behavior isn't rational or justified, but it's difficult to change even if you want to.
Some people are naturally confident and trusting while others aren't. I have a bit of a jealous streak myself and it's worse now that I had a very bad relationship experience in the past. I try to manage it, but sometimes I can't help it completely. I still think some counseling could help get to the root of her issues if this is really becomming a problem, but I don't think this is something you should just dump her and move along from. And 10 months is enough time to move in with someone...geez, some of you are so judgmental sometimes. Who says 10 months isn't enough time?
I believe she has some deep rooted issues that are causing this, and i even told her she needs therapy, but it doesnt come accross very sincere during an argument, even if it actualy is. Im just trying to analyze my part in this, and if there is anything to make her feel more reassured.
Hi, no , unfortunately nothing you could do differently. You could shut down face book but I suspect you are right that would solve nothing. Your girlfriend is a bottomless pit and only time will cure that, she will see over time that your continued actions show that you are faithful and she will calm down. When? Could take a year. If she's worth it, hang in there. She will adapt to the fact she got a good man.
Hi, no , unfortunately nothing you could do differently. You could shut down face book but I suspect you are right that would solve nothing. Your girlfriend is a bottomless pit and only time will cure that, she will see over time that your continued actions show that you are faithful and she will calm down. When? Could take a year. If she's worth it, hang in there. She will adapt to the fact she got a good man.
Thank you. I think youre spot on, but its hard for me to be a passive bystander while what could be a great relationship is destroyed by petty false accusations. Id like to make it work, i guess time will tell if I can.
Ive been with my girl for 10 months, recently moved in together, and for the most part we have a close and loving relationship. Shes 32 and Im 37. She is attractive, intelligent, driven and has a great sense of humor. A week doesnt go by without her telling me how much she loves me, how happy she is and how shes never felt so strongly about anyone else before. We have too many things in common to count and are planning a future together.
At the same time, no matter what I do, i seem to have a hard time getting her to fully trust me, although I suspect it has little to do with me or my actions. She seems to have a need to question my loyalty on regular basis, usually once or twice a week and almost always based on something extremely trivial or out of my control.
Example, last night she asked me why i accepted a friend request on FB some months ago from someone I didnt know. I couldnt remember the actual person, or even if it was a guy or a woman, but explained to her that I dont really take FB seriously and accept requests without thinking twice about it. I suppose that explanation wasnt good enough, because she feels that FB should be reserved for close RL friends only.
Another example. I used to have a crush on one of my lil sisters friends, and we used to flirt every once in awhile, before i met my girl. She looks a bit like Mila Kunis, whom I liked on my FB page some time ago, so her pics pop up occasionaly on my feed. My GF gave me a hard time about that, and told me that i follow Mila because she reminds me of my lil sis friend, which is completly untrue.
I find this type of nonsense so juvenile and draining. For all I care i could get rid of my FB page, because I really dont care, but somehow i doubt that would fix anything. Many times her accusations have nothing to do with FB but are just as petty. I have never cheated on a GF, and have been 100% loyal and transparent with her, yet continue being accused of made up stuff.
An ex GF texted me some time ago and wanted to meet up late at night, which i replied to that im with my gf and not interested and immediately told my GF about the text and my reply, caught hell for that too. i admit that first 2 or 3 months of our relationship were a lil rocky because of me dating several girls before meeting my GF, having to break all those ties off as well as adjust from being a long time bachelor to being in a LTR, buti have never hidden or been dishonest about any of that. Never came close to wanting another woman while with my girl, because i take my commitments seriously.
Sorry, this is little long winded, but its not often i ask for relationship advice on here. Is there anything I could do differently to provide reassurance my GF is seeking? Is proving my loyalty and commitment with my actions not enough? What do you guys think is causing these issues and how would you proceed if you were in my shoes?
Congrats on your wonderful relationship with such a great gal; it really sounds like you guys have something very special and amazing together! Also sorry to hear you guys are going through this rough patch, atm...j/c, have you tried verbally telling her just how strongly you feel about her, and how much you truly love her (and would absolutely never cheat on her, b/c she is the one and only girl you dream of, stuff like that, etc.)? Does she react more favorably to verbal reassurances from you?
I'm really sorry as I wish I had better advice to provide, but you are already leaps and bounds ahead of me in terms of relationship savviness and expertise, lol
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 07-03-2013 at 10:46 AM..
Reason: Edits
Congrats on your wonderful relationship with such a great gal; it really sounds like you guys have something very special and amazing together! Also sorry to hear you guys are going through this rough patch, atm...j/c, have you tried verbally telling her the portions in your OP, that I bolded above for emphasis? Does she react more favorably to verbal reassurances from you?
I'm really sorry as I wish I had better advice to provide, but you are already leaps and bounds ahead of me in terms of relationship savviness and expertise, lol
HI Friend. Yes, I have told her that exact thing on several occasions, and she seems receptive to it. In fact, every time we have an opportunity to talk this out, she tends to agree with me and see my point of view. The problem is that when new thing comes up, a few days later, we're back to square one. Its maddening and draining to have the same half hour long conversation, once a week.
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Also sorry to hear you guys are going through this rough patch, atm...j/c, have you tried verbally telling her just how strongly you feel about her, and how much you truly love her (and would absolutely never cheat on her, b/c she is the one and only girl you dream of, stuff like that, etc.)? Does she react more favorably to verbal reassurances from you?
