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Old 07-03-2013, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Canada
11,756 posts, read 11,959,768 times
Reputation: 30181

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Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
I recently met a girl off the internet. I contacted her after seeing her ad. We just had a couple email exchanges, texted a little and we met for dinner 2 nights ago. It was probably a typical meeting/date. I made no attempt to make a move on her, since we were just meeting for the first time.

Anyway, I texted her the next day to see if she wants to see me again. I was just being direct, so I know where I stand. She responded back with the same question. That was kind of lame, but whatever. I said "yes" she said "ok" I left it at that. Now I think she seems too passive or uninterested. I know I can text her and ask her to do something specific. But it seems like I'm already having to make all of the effort or just having to put myself out there. I would be interested in seeing her again, but only if she makes some effort to contact me. The way I see it, is do I really want to be the only one making an effort?

Also, the reason for texting isn't because I won't talk on the phone. I told her in the second email, that we can text, but I would prefer a quick phone conversation rather than a lot of texting. I she texted me first, but she was at work and she said she would call after work, but didn't. It seems she is text dependent.
Emails, texts and one dinner are not a huge amount of effort.

I think the worst thing to do is the bolded, because now you're placing an expectation on her that she's not even aware of. If you're interested in her, make that known, put in the effort that is required to show interest. It's not tit-for-tat and keeping score. If you like her and want to see her again, ask her out somewhere with a plan in mind. I think it takes a couple of dates to gauge interest and compatibility. If you think a couple of extra texts is too much effort, then I wouldn't bother dating at all.
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:09 PM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 19,903,572 times
Reputation: 11706
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
But where's the fun, if I'm not playing a game?
I would go one step further than liberty. Not only are you placing an expectation on her to take initiative without her knowing you have that expectation, but you are also trying to manipulate her into that intiative by baiting her by initiating the conversation of seeing each other again.

I thought the fun in dating someone was going on dates, not seeing whether I could lead them to decisions by laying down some random breadcrumbs and expecting them to read my mind.
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:16 PM
 
3,770 posts, read 6,714,518 times
Reputation: 3019
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24 View Post
I would go one step further than liberty. Not only are you placing an expectation on her to take initiative without her knowing you have that expectation, but you are also trying to manipulate her into that intiative by baiting her by initiating the conversation of seeing each other again.

I thought the fun in dating someone was going on dates, not seeing whether I could lead them to decisions by laying down some random breadcrumbs and expecting them to read my mind.

I didn't really mean to play a game. I was trying to not play games by being direct. The only thing that bothered me is that she wouldn't directly answer the question "do you want to see me again?" It's either because she is on the fence or she is too insecure to say "yes" when obviously my asking means I am interested. I'll probably ask her out tomorrow or the next day.
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:22 PM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 19,903,572 times
Reputation: 11706
Maybe she was trying to be flirty figuring your answer would be "yes" since you texted her?
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Toronto
2,159 posts, read 2,802,861 times
Reputation: 1158
If that's all it takes to discourage you, do her a favour and drop her. You're not interested in her, that much is clear. Shame she hasn't picked up on that yet.
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:58 PM
 
523 posts, read 838,422 times
Reputation: 643
As others have said, you haven't put much effort in and I don't think she's that interested. She's probably on the fence.
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Old 07-03-2013, 01:05 PM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,944,484 times
Reputation: 13949
She doesn't seem very interested in you. I'd drop her and find someone else.
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Old 07-03-2013, 01:06 PM
 
3,770 posts, read 6,714,518 times
Reputation: 3019
I asked her when she's available...still waiting. Either way, I'll know what's going to happen sometime today. It's possible we're both on the fence. I'd have to see her again to know for sure.
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Old 07-03-2013, 04:35 PM
 
3,770 posts, read 6,714,518 times
Reputation: 3019
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince_Frog View Post
She doesn't seem very interested in you. I'd drop her and find someone else.

You were right. She didn't get back to me. But that's ok. She was the first and only girl I contacted and I got to meet her a day after that, so that's not so bad. On to the next.
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Old 07-03-2013, 08:57 PM
 
Location: The Valley of the Sun
1,479 posts, read 2,710,059 times
Reputation: 1534
Put in the effort for a month or so, or maybe 10 dates. If she still does not ever take any initiative to make something more of the relationship then ask her why she behaves this way. If she gives you some vague answer then get rid of her and start looking elsewhere.
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