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32 and a virgin. Sounds like that is 90% of your problem.
If you arent feeling sexually attracted to men its probably cause you dont know what youre missing.
Right, but I don't know if this guy is the one to show me what I've been missing. It is true that since I'm a virgin, I always focus too much on "Do I want to have sex with this guy?" whenever I meet someone and if the answer is no, I usually just move on.
32 and a virgin. Sounds like that is 90% of your problem.
If you arent feeling sexually attracted to men its probably cause you dont know what youre missing.
While it may be sexual problem, I don't think it will prevent her from finding a good guy.
But certainly as a virgin who has little sexual experience, I would recommend her to keep dating him. As you are saying, she doesn't know what she is missing.
Right, but I don't know if this guy is the one to show me what I've been missing. It is true that since I'm a virgin, I always focus too much on "Do I want to have sex with this guy?" whenever I meet someone and if the answer is no, I usually just move on.
Have you ever wanted to grab one of the guys you are dating, toss him down and have your way with him?
Or has the idea never crossed your mind? Are you scared?
Do you think you get to the "do it or move on" phase and decide to toss in the towel?
I've gone out a few times with a nice guy. He seems to be somewhat interested in me, but it's too early to say where things are headed. We're almost at the point where I guess there would be a reasonable expectation of some physical contact and while this doesn't repulse me, it doesn't excite me either. He's cute but I don't really have an interest in getting naked with him at this point and based on past experience, I either have that kind of attraction for someone right away or I never do.
So basically at this point, I would normally choose to part ways with someone because I truly do want someone who I can feel passionate about in that way. But I no longer feel that I can just move on to the next guy because the chances of me finding what I'm looking for are slim (based on past experience and reality) and if I want to have children, I have to do it in the next 5 years or so. Really, it's not so much having children that I'm worried about but I'd just rather be settled and not dating in my mid-30s and up (I'm 32 now). I know that in general, dating options for women just get worse and worse so I should just realize that this guy is probably the best that I'm going to get, hope that he settles for ME, and be happy about it. Sure, I could just remain single, but studies show that I would have a better chance of being happy with a good guy who I don't feel fireworks with than just being on my own.
I'm a hopeless romantic at heart though so thinking about a potential relationship this way is somewhat depressing. It's not that I expect someone to be everything that I want, but I at least want to feel excited about being with that person. Am I being unreasonable? Can anyone here actually admit that they "settled" for someone and turned out to be happy with their decision? Anyone regret not settling when you were younger because you now realize that you probably would've been better off doing so?
When I say "settling", I don't mean overlooking things that are truly important to you, but just things you don't necessarily NEED to have in someone. Since I haven't felt sexually attracted to 90% of the guys I've dated, I think that just might have to be something that can't be a requirement for me although it is something that I would like very much.
Could you become more attracted to him if you start having sex with him and the sex is good?
Age is just a number as it is said but 32 I think seems too young to settle.
The way you think is questionable. You are no one to settle for. What do you have to offer? What do you think he values?
Make a list of his plusses and minuses, your plusses and minuses and if he has most of what you're looking for (70-80), I'd take a chance. Look at long term things like do you think there is something physical about him that would turn you off in the future? (tendency to overweight? If you are already unsure if there's fireworks . . .) Look at other things, you're interested in kids, is this man a marriage minded (if that's important to you) man who is likely to stick around? Does he have good character traits that will make him a good father?
People aren't checklists. But if he has most of what you want, I'd give the attraction time to develop. Don't marry him tomorrow or have the kids tomorrow but give things a chance.
Commit when you don't feel like there is settling going on on either side. True you need to be realistic but it is NOT time to settle just yet to answer your question. Doesn't mean you don't continue to give him a chance. Hope you'll let us know how this turns out.
Have you ever wanted to grab one of the guys you are dating, toss him down and have your way with him?
No, but I've felt that way about people who I weren't dating. lol
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Or has the idea never crossed your mind? Are you scared?
Do you think you get to the "do it or move on" phase and decide to toss in the towel?
Yes, I always choose to stop seeing guys when I know for a fact that I don't want to have sex with them because I feel like that's all they want anyways, so why waste their time and mine?
Does he have other qualities that you are looking for? Does he treat you well? Do you enjoy spending time with him? The older I get the less I'm looking to meet someone who sets me on fire. In my experience, the guys who set you on fire physically aren't always great relationship matches for the long run. I don't think there's anything wrong with seeing where things go. If he is a nice guy and you like him as a person, then you may feel more attracted to him over time. This is assuming he doesn't repulse you and the thought of kissing him doesn't make you want to throw up. Good, decent, honest guys who will be good fathers and husbands are HARD to find.
The bolded part is where I stand, replacing the "he" with "she" of course. I voted "maybe" because looks to me aren't everything...
Could you become more attracted to him if you start having sex with him and the sex is good?
I don't see why not.
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Age is just a number as it is said but 32 I think seems too young to settle.
The way you think is questionable. You are no one to settle for. What do you have to offer? What do you think he values?
Make a list of his plusses and minuses, your plusses and minuses and if he has most of what you're looking for (70-80), I'd take a chance. Look at long term things like do you think there is something physical about him that would turn you off in the future? (tendency to overweight? If you are already unsure if there's fireworks . . .) Look at other things, you're interested in kids, is this man a marriage minded (if that's important to you) man who is likely to stick around? Does he have good character traits that will make him a good father?
People aren't checklists. But if he has most of what you want, I'd give the attraction time to develop. Don't marry him tomorrow or have the kids tomorrow but give things a chance.
Commit when you don't feel like there is settling going on on either side. True you need to be realistic but it is NOT time to settle just yet to answer your question. Doesn't mean you don't continue to give him a chance. Hope you'll let us know how this turns out.
I don't think 32 is too young at all, but other than that, you made some good points.
Find a guy that you genuinely enjoy being around, has similar interests, and is looking for love.
Marry him and then bang his brains out.
Your sexual needs are not nearly as important as your emotional needs. You are a 32 year old woman. 40 will be approaching quicker than you think. Time to get things together.
Find a guy that you genuinely enjoy being around, has similar interests, and is looking for love.
Marry him and then bang his brains out.
Your sexual needs are not nearly as important as your emotional needs. You are a 32 year old woman. 40 will be approaching quicker than you think. Time to get things together.
I was hoping she would just agree to hammer it out with this guy ASAP and report back!
Find a guy that you genuinely enjoy being around, has similar interests, and is looking for love.
Marry him and then bang his brains out.
Well, when you put it like that...
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Your sexual needs are not nearly as important as your emotional needs. You are a 32 year old woman. 40 will be approaching quicker than you think. Time to get things together.
That's what I'm saying. I don't want to still be dating at 40 (or 35), but I also think it would be wrong to marry someone who I'm not truly in love with.
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