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You're telling me to get rid of a perfectly good guy just because I don't find him sexy? Not everyone can be sexy though, and even guys who start off sexy might not be so sexy 10-20 years from now.
Yes, that's exactly what I mean. I haven't kissed him yet (probably will on our next date), but I don't think I'll be repulsed at all. I just don't expect to swoon. lol Overall, he seems to have great qualities, but I am just getting to know him so it's too early to say how well we get along.
It is ultimately up to you what you do. If you are satisfied with him, than stay with him. If you want to go forward with this, then go forward. You might find yourself in a great relationship.
I'm still trying to get past the revelation revealed in such a "by the way" manner. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, but it was kinda important to the thread, I thought, especially in the context of the question being "Would you settle for someone who you weren't particularly sexually interested in?" It changes all the advice we've given you in my opinion. First, while it still seems you are not interested in the dude, he needs to know you are a virgin. Sure, it may run him off, but it may help explain some things to him to about you. But a question: you have said you are not sexually attracted to most men you date. But are you attracted in any way to them?
I'm still trying to get past the revelation revealed in such a "by the way" manner. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, but it was kinda important to the thread, I thought, especially in the context of the question being "Would you settle for someone who you weren't particularly sexually interested in?" It changes all the advice we've given you in my opinion.
Does it?
Quote:
First, while it still seems you are not interested in the dude, he needs to know you are a virgin. Sure, it may run him off, but it may help explain some things to him to about you.
I don't think he needs to know right now considering that we've only been out a few times, but I won't have a problem telling him if/when it gets to that point.
Quote:
But a question: you have said you are not sexually attracted to most men you date. But are you attracted in any way to them?
I thought they were pleasant enough to spend time with, but I had no strong feelings for them aside from that.
I've gone out a few times with a nice guy. He seems to be somewhat interested in me, but it's too early to say where things are headed. We're almost at the point where I guess there would be a reasonable expectation of some physical contact and while this doesn't repulse me, it doesn't excite me either. He's cute but I don't really have an interest in getting naked with him at this point and based on past experience, I either have that kind of attraction for someone right away or I never do.
So basically at this point, I would normally choose to part ways with someone because I truly do want someone who I can feel passionate about in that way. But I no longer feel that I can just move on to the next guy because the chances of me finding what I'm looking for are slim (based on past experience and reality) and if I want to have children, I have to do it in the next 5 years or so. Really, it's not so much having children that I'm worried about but I'd just rather be settled and not dating in my mid-30s and up (I'm 32 now). I know that in general, dating options for women just get worse and worse so I should just realize that this guy is probably the best that I'm going to get, hope that he settles for ME, and be happy about it. Sure, I could just remain single, but studies show that I would have a better chance of being happy with a good guy who I don't feel fireworks with than just being on my own.
I'm a hopeless romantic at heart though so thinking about a potential relationship this way is somewhat depressing. It's not that I expect someone to be everything that I want, but I at least want to feel excited about being with that person. Am I being unreasonable? Can anyone here actually admit that they "settled" for someone and turned out to be happy with their decision? Anyone regret not settling when you were younger because you now realize that you probably would've been better off doing so?
When I say "settling", I don't mean overlooking things that are truly important to you, but just things you don't necessarily NEED to have in someone. Since I haven't felt sexually attracted to 90% of the guys I've dated, I think that just might have to be something that can't be a requirement for me although it is something that I would like very much.
Why don't you just continue to date him, but don't jump in bed with him?
Take it slow, and just have fun getting to know the guy.
All these threads from people that 'have trouble settling with the not-hot guy'.
You people do realize that ugly people DO fall in love also, right?
You don't HAVE to be hot to fall in love, and your s/o doesn't HAVE to be hot to fall for him/her.
OP, where are you looks wise? Where is the guy looks wise? Do you two at least share the same ideals as far as fitness and overall health and maintenance? You do realize looks fade at some point, and you have to actually like the other person, at some point they won't be 'hot', and eventually more likely than not, you won't be having sex every day.
I swear it seems like attractive people believe it is impossible for people that aren't as attractive to fall in love.
I guarantee if you fell for some guys personality instead of his looks, you would eventually find something about his looks that you enjoyed.
I mean really, how do you think guys like me wind up with girlfriends and having sexual relations? SOMEONE actually got to know me and give me a chance. Cause it sure wasn't because I was considered 'good looking'.
Right, but I don't know if this guy is the one to show me what I've been missing. It is true that since I'm a virgin, I always focus too much on "Do I want to have sex with this guy?" whenever I meet someone and if the answer is no, I usually just move on.
Oh my.
Nevermind.
Now I get it. Waaaaaaay too much build up at this point.
Honestly, just lose the V-card unless you plan to wait till marriage.
At this point, even internally to yourself, your V-card is hurting you.
IMO, once you lose the V-card, you will see things differently.
IF, you aren't waiting for marriage. But if you are, then sex obviously isn't something you are very interested in. So just find a guy you like personality wise.
Why don't you just continue to date him, but don't jump in bed with him?
Take it slow, and just have fun getting to know the guy.
All these threads from people that 'have trouble settling with the not-hot guy'.
You people do realize that ugly people DO fall in love also, right?
You don't HAVE to be hot to fall in love, and your s/o doesn't HAVE to be hot to fall for him/her.
OP, where are you looks wise? Where is the guy looks wise? Do you two at least share the same ideals as far as fitness and overall health and maintenance? You do realize looks fade at some point, and you have to actually like the other person, at some point they won't be 'hot', and eventually more likely than not, you won't be having sex every day.
I swear it seems like attractive people believe it is impossible for people that aren't as attractive to fall in love.
I guarantee if you fell for some guys personality instead of his looks, you would eventually find something about his looks that you enjoyed.
I mean really, how do you think guys like me wind up with girlfriends and having sexual relations? SOMEONE actually got to know me and give me a chance. Cause it sure wasn't because I was considered 'good looking'.
I don't disagree with what you've written and I don't think this guy is unattractive. I just don't look at him and think, "I want to have sex with him." My problem is finding motivation to have sex. I've never been in love, so that's never been a motivation. I'm not particularly horny, so that's not a motivation and I don't find the guys I date to be sexy, so that's not a motivation either. I understand the whole "get to know him first and see where it goes" thing, but I just focus on the sex part too much because I know that sooner or later that's what all men want and I'll have to face it.
I voted yes - sex is a small part of a rewarding and successful relationship. Don't quote me but after several years together, the average couple have sex maybe 2-3 times a week and the act itself is less than 1 hour. What does one do all the rest of the time with a person that they do not respect, like and have something in common with?
Sweet Like Sugar, in response to your last post - I am a female and agree for men the dynamics tend to be different.
I don't think he needs to know right now considering that we've only been out a few times, but I won't have a problem telling him if/when it gets to that point.
I think that is entirely fair. I appreciate your candor on this board, by the way. It's refreshing, but I can't help felling you need better advice than we can offer.
Last edited by Joe the Photog; 07-03-2013 at 02:53 PM..
Reason: Changed one word to "advice"
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