Time to settle for a nice guy? (dating, women, single)
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I've gone out a few times with a nice guy. He seems to be somewhat interested in me, but it's too early to say where things are headed. We're almost at the point where I guess there would be a reasonable expectation of some physical contact and while this doesn't repulse me, it doesn't excite me either. He's cute but I don't really have an interest in getting naked with him at this point and based on past experience, I either have that kind of attraction for someone right away or I never do.
So basically at this point, I would normally choose to part ways with someone because I truly do want someone who I can feel passionate about in that way. But I no longer feel that I can just move on to the next guy because the chances of me finding what I'm looking for are slim (based on past experience and reality) and if I want to have children, I have to do it in the next 5 years or so. Really, it's not so much having children that I'm worried about but I'd just rather be settled and not dating in my mid-30s and up (I'm 32 now). I know that in general, dating options for women just get worse and worse so I should just realize that this guy is probably the best that I'm going to get, hope that he settles for ME, and be happy about it. Sure, I could just remain single, but studies show that I would have a better chance of being happy with a good guy who I don't feel fireworks with than just being on my own.
I'm a hopeless romantic at heart though so thinking about a potential relationship this way is somewhat depressing. It's not that I expect someone to be everything that I want, but I at least want to feel excited about being with that person. Am I being unreasonable? Can anyone here actually admit that they "settled" for someone and turned out to be happy with their decision? Anyone regret not settling when you were younger because you now realize that you probably would've been better off doing so?
When I say "settling", I don't mean overlooking things that are truly important to you, but just things you don't necessarily NEED to have in someone. Since I haven't felt sexually attracted to 90% of the guys I've dated, I think that just might have to be something that can't be a requirement for me although it is something that I would like very much.
Please break up with him and move on. Or just let him read your post and let him break up with you. Relationships are too important to settle for anyone or anything. You either feel it or you don't. If you don't and you move on with this guy, things are going to get bad. Best case scenario is that they get bad quick. Worst case is they get bad in 15 or 20 years when one or both have just had enough and can't take it anymore. So you have to split up the kids, the pets, the house, the cars....
Does he have other qualities that you are looking for? Does he treat you well? Do you enjoy spending time with him? The older I get the less I'm looking to meet someone who sets me on fire. In my experience, the guys who set you on fire physically aren't always great relationship matches for the long run. I don't think there's anything wrong with seeing where things go. If he is a nice guy and you like him as a person, then you may feel more attracted to him over time. This is assuming he doesn't repulse you and the thought of kissing him doesn't make you want to throw up. Good, decent, honest guys who will be good fathers and husbands are HARD to find.
Please break up with him and move on. Or just let him read your post and let him break up with you. Relationships are too important to settle for anyone or anything. You either feel it or you don't. If you don't and you move on with this guy, things are going to get bad. Best case scenario is that they get bad quick. Worst case is they get bad in 15 or 20 years when one or both have just had enough and can't take it anymore. So you have to split up the kids, the pets, the house, the cars....
Yeah, just break it off with him,
You're telling me to get rid of a perfectly good guy just because I don't find him sexy? Not everyone can be sexy though, and even guys who start off sexy might not be so sexy 10-20 years from now.
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Originally Posted by strawberrykiki
Does he have other qualities that you are looking for? Does he treat you well? Do you enjoy spending time with him? The older I get the less I'm looking to meet someone who sets me on fire. In my experience, the guys who set you on fire physically aren't always great relationship matches for the long run. I don't think there's anything wrong with seeing where things go. If he is a nice guy and you like him as a person, then you may feel more attracted to him over time. This is assuming he doesn't repulse you and the thought of kissing him doesn't make you want to throw up. Good, decent, honest guys who will be good fathers and husbands are HARD to find.
Yes, that's exactly what I mean. I haven't kissed him yet (probably will on our next date), but I don't think I'll be repulsed at all. I just don't expect to swoon. lol Overall, he seems to have great qualities, but I am just getting to know him so it's too early to say how well we get along.
You have not felt sexually attracted to 90% of the guys you have dated? Yowza.
I would jump the bones of 30% of the men I see randomly each day, do you sort of not like sex? Have you ever had a SO with whom you really enjoyed and looked forward to having sex with?
Either way, in this case I would ask yourself, if he were writing the same post would you want him to break it off or?
You're telling me to get rid of a perfectly good guy just because I don't find him sexy? Not everyone can be sexy though, and even guys who start off sexy might not be so sexy 10-20 years from now.
Yes, that's exactly what I mean. I haven't kissed him yet (probably will on our next date), but I don't think I'll be repulsed at all. I just don't expect to swoon. lol Overall, he seems to have great qualities, but I am just getting to know him so it's too early to say how well we get along.
Honestly and no offense because I like your posts, but maybe your expectations are out of whack? I would never tell someone to settle for someone that doesn't feel like a good match, but maybe you are waiting for a perfect charming handsome man to come along and rock your world like in a Hollywood movie, and you are so focused on feeling those sparks that you're overlooking really great guys who you could be happy with so you can wait for something that maybe doesn't even exist in real life.
You haven't even kissed yet! I would definitely not let go of him yet. He might surprise you.
You have not felt sexually attracted to 90% of the guys you have dated? Yowza.
I would jump the bones of 30% of the men I see randomly each day, do you sort of not like sex? Have you ever had a SO with whom you really enjoyed and looked forward to having sex with?
I'm a virgin and most men don't interest me sexually.
Quote:
Either way, in this case I would ask yourself, if he were writing the same post would you want him to break it off or?
I'd probably want him to give it more time and if after a few months he truly felt unhappy with me, I'd want him to break it off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki
Honestly and no offense because I like your posts, but maybe your expectations are out of whack? I would never tell someone to settle for someone that doesn't feel like a good match, but maybe you are waiting for a perfect charming handsome man to come along and rock your world like in a Hollywood movie, and you are so focused on feeling those sparks that you're overlooking really great guys who you could be happy with so you can wait for something that maybe doesn't even exist in real life.
You haven't even kissed yet! I would definitely not let go of him yet. He might surprise you.
No offense taken. I know it's too early to decide whether I'm truly attracted to him, but going by past experience, I think I'd already know it by now if I was. I'm still not going to stop seeing him right now though.
I'm a virgin and most men don't interest me sexually.
I'd probably want him to give it more time and if after a few months he truly felt unhappy with me, I'd want him to break it off.
No offense taken. I know it's too early to decide whether I'm truly attracted to him, but going by past experience, I think I'd already know it by now if I was. I'm still not going to stop seeing him right now though.
32 and a virgin. Sounds like that is 90% of your problem.
If you arent feeling sexually attracted to men its probably cause you dont know what youre missing.
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