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The reason you are having trouble with responses from guys in this thread is that your thread title has the word 'game' in it.
For PUA types, 'game' means PUA -- in other words, date rape.
They see the title and they think you are asking for advice on how to become a rapist. And they are not the types to read anything beyond the title.
There is a way to change the title, but I don't know it. Message a mod and ask. Change your title to something like, 'Late to learning about relationships, NOT interested in casual'. Don't include the word sex, or that's all these guys will see.
This guy knows what he's talking about. If want to get different results, you need to start making some changes. Learn some pua, be more aggressive, and like the man above me said, if she's playing around and not putting by the third date (max), leave. Make your conversations with women more sexual, too. Trying to have an intellectual conversation with a woman is the quickest way to get friendzoned.
I'm not into that "pua stuff" and I've figured out that some guy even wrote a book about "pick ups" and sells it around. People gave links to it and I died laughing. I have no words to describe it, because I consider that it is really a masterpiece on how to sell dust, nothing else. Who needs books on dating anyways? Buying a book on "how to date and catch chick" is beyond my comprehension. But people are buying everything, who am I to judge them anyways. I won't, because it insults my intelligence on so many levels to buy such book or to waste time reading it.
I've just told my mere observation of mainstream population of men and women who date. This is exactly why they aren't a good long-term relationship prospects and why you shouldn't bother to even think of the notion "forever" for many folks. It just isn't a good bet to make for that in the U.S. dating scene in general. And it's the exact reason why people who aren't into such mainstream attitude will often avoid dating in general.
Learn some pua, be more aggressive, and like the man above me said, if she's playing around and not putting by the third date (max), leave. Make your conversations with women more sexual, too. Trying to have an intellectual conversation with a woman is the quickest way to get friendzoned.
If you just do the exact opposite of all of this, you will be fine .
PS: I once made a rule for myself that I would consider 100 guys before picking one. Most of those guys, I asked them out (or just chatted them up and then decided we were not compatible enough.) I recommend this method if, like me, you find it takes the pressure off for instant results.
100 guys? my god, that is a-lot. do you ladies really get bombarded with so many messages?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
You may only like to talk about deep, meanignful stuff, but it is nearly impossible to approach and get to know a stranger by starting off with the deep stuff.
Usually you START with the basics, small talk about trivial stuff, and build up to the deep stuff.
any good topic suggestions for trivial stuff that can nicely segway into deeper conversations?
nald, you are a poster child for PUA on this forum, even if you refuse to call it by that name.
I never heard of pua until people posted links to some videos and then they promoted some book to buy on amazon. I had to google to find out what it is. Buying a book about socializing and dating is silly in my opinion and I stand by my words. People could buy books on how to drive a bicycle and read hundreds of pages instead of going through a process of driving a bicycle. Guess how useful would that be.
What I definitely know is how things are going. The "game" those guys speak is a joke. The stories about impossibility to date are stupid and that's why buying a book on "how to date" is a proof of extorting people's money.
Mainstream dating functions like this:
1. most guys actually DON'T BOTHER TO APPROACH most of their time. They spend time in all-guy groups. There's not even a mention about dating in those groups. There's only hanging out in a group. This is why finding someone to date isn't hard at all, it simply requires a bit of effort.
2. mainstream profile of guys who are the most active are going exactly like I told - they act like being outgoing, but they quickly get on the main point why they date - to have sex. Combined with the fact #1, just about any guy can always find someone to date and have sex, if they just invest time seeking for a woman who also seeks to date someone. Anyone who questions this... they obviously never dated.
3. reason why approach #2 is widespread is rather conditioned with the mainstream attitude of women who date - they don't consider it serious unless they had sex with you. You guys aren't "actually dating for real" unless you bed the girl. Girls see sex as their "personal investment" or "contribution" to a relationship.
This is why I said it: it isn't a serious problem to find a date. There's a big problem in finding a serious date if you want a permanent relationship. This is a result of such dating and abandonment of one specific social construct by mainstream population.
OP should keep that on his mind, he missed out nothing in particular, unless he's anxious to have sex with as many people. To sum it up, it's easy to get a date, he needs just a bit of insight on environmental signals to learn how to get into a position to start normal talk and stuff like that.
But the issue about serious relationships is quite much different. Mainstream population, not just guys but girls as well, see sex as a way to connect with other people, or to get what they want. They see another person as a commodity that they can discard on a whim. That's how they are raised and that's the philosophy that is promoted. Look around yourself and see that it's the truth.
EDIT:
And there's one thing I "forgot" to answer you personally when you called me some weeks ago - I never had double standards for my dates.
(And staying away from PUA sites, which are really just about how to date-rape women.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
I once made a rule for myself that I would consider 100 guys before picking one.
Lol...Thanks for the laugh! Makes sense; you've been with 100 guys, probably slept with a few of them and have been bitter and attribute them to PUAs. Rather than use intellect, over-exaggerate, throw out the rape-word, race card or a reference hilter/nazi as it's easier. Educate me as I've never date raped anyone before, but I was under the impression to date rape all you do if offer to buy a girl a drink at a bar and put a roofie in her drink and drive her to your place. If I wanted just have sex with women I'd go that route or just show up at the bar during last call or even call a hooker...Any of those methods would are significantly easier than the PU methods. I enjoy socializing hence, meeting new people and if I find a girl I like will pursue her. I look forward to another entertaining reply but we're all endanger of this thread closing due to your use of the R-word.
I don't know where you deduced that weight loss lead to self-esteem issues. I would say they were there before the weight loss as well, but i find it a bit strange that you can make such a big statement based on so little information.
PU is used for both flings and long term relationships. The title alone is enough reason for me to recommend therapy. As another said, you're in the prime of your life and are down a lot of weight which is a life changing event. If it's free through your employer, why not give it a shot and be free of problems and fears?
any good topic suggestions for trivial stuff that can nicely segway into deeper conversations?
Not really, because it depends on the person and the situation.
WHen you find yourself with someone you find interesting, notice where you are and why you're both there. Then make a comment about that situation. If you're in school, ask if they've had this particular professor before. Then you can ask about their major or where they live etc. It's a progression.
One time in college I kept passing a good looking guy in the grocery store, and we kept "making eyes" at each other. By the time we got to the dairy section near the end, I was hanging out longer than necessary examining each item in hopes he might say something to me.
He never did, so I checked out and headed to my car. Coincidentally he was parked two cars down from me, and I noticed a sticker from an out-of-state university on his car. While I loaded my groceries, I said, "Did you go to XX school?"
He said yes, we chatted about it a few minutes by our cars, and then he asked if I had time to talk at a nearby pub. I said yes, and after we sat down I asked, "What made you move here from there?" That kind of got the ball rolling, but it was only a short jump from the purely information-seeking level of questions (Did you attend xx school?) to a deeper level of questioning (WHY did you change?)
That's just an example, and it was a lucky moment for me. We went out a few times, but no love match.
It just takes observational skills, quick thinking, and guts.
But the issue about serious relationships is quite much different. Mainstream population, not just guys but girls as well, see sex as a way to connect with other people, or to get what they want. They see another person as a commodity that they can discard on a whim.That's how they are raised and that's the philosophy that is promoted. Look around yourself and see that it's the truth.
What on Earth are you nattering on about now? Who raises boys (or girls) to view others as a commodity to be discarded on whim? (I mean that as a serious question to you. Back up your statement.) Where are you from? I had the impression you're not originally from North America or "the West".
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