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I see the usuals tell me that I am picky for not dating dads but will date alcoholics. Yes I would prefer an alcoholic over a divorced dad because there isn't kids or an ex wife in the picture. At least with him I am able to experience things for the first time I never could with a dad. The thing is he is a good guy with problems. Yes I would date men with mental problems but not dads and that isn't going to change. At least with mental issues he's not supporting someone else.
Anyway, he knows he has a problem and is working to deal with it. I know he will always be a drunk but he can work on dealing with the problem.
OK, you have made the bed that you will be laying in. Good luck.
I see the usuals tell me that I am picky for not dating dads but will date alcoholics. Yes I would prefer an alcoholic over a divorced dad because there isn't kids or an ex wife in the picture. At least with him I am able to experience things for the first time I never could with a dad. The thing is he is a good guy with problems. Yes I would date men with mental problems but not dads and that isn't going to change. At least with mental issues he's not supporting someone else.
Anyway, he knows he has a problem and is working to deal with it. I know he will always be a drunk but he can work on dealing with the problem.
I really don't care what your dating criteria is, however, it is obvious that you have no clue about what you are in for. You are right, you are able to experience a whole new thing...hooking up with a 50yo addict. His disease has tenacles that reach far and wide and negatively affect all they come in contact with, strap yourself in, you are on the rollercoaster ride from h#ll.
By the way....IMO, you are already dating a guy with mental issues....you have a twofer. Good Luck!
I am considering taking a break from dating him and look at other options but I doubt I will find another never married childless Catholic (I can bend on the religious aspect as long as the guy is a Christian). If anything I'll help him deal with this and be there for him but not date anyone else. He needs me more than anything else to be there for him and I am going to attend Al-Anon and other programs with him.
I see the usuals tell me that I am picky for not dating dads but will date alcoholics. Yes I would prefer an alcoholic over a divorced dad because there isn't kids or an ex wife in the picture. At least with him I am able to experience things for the first time I never could with a dad. The thing is he is a good guy with problems. Yes I would date men with mental problems but not dads and that isn't going to change. At least with mental issues he's not supporting someone else.
Anyway, he knows he has a problem and is working to deal with it. I know he will always be a drunk but he can work on dealing with the problem.
You are very naive. Even if he "works on the problem" and gets sober, how long will it last? Even if by some chance, he's one of the few that tackles it and stays sober, the addiction will always be the thing he needs to focus on most. You and your relationship will always come second. I dated someone who was in AA. I gave him a chance after I found out, and never once saw him with a drink or drunk. It still didn't work because he had no business trying to be in a relationship. He was a very selfish person. I should have listened to my gut and ended it early on in the process. I could have saved myself a lot of hassle and problems.
I know you won't listen to people who have been there (or in various stages of the process), so best of luck and don't come crying when things go bad.
You are very naive. Even if he "works on the problem" and gets sober, how long will it last? Even if by some chance, he's one of the few that tackles it and stays sober, the addiction will always be the thing he needs to focus on most. You and your relationship will always come second. I dated someone who was in AA. I gave him a chance after I found out, and never once saw him with a drink or drunk. It still didn't work because he had no business trying to be in a relationship. He was a very selfish person. I should have listened to my gut and ended it early on in the process. I could have saved myself a lot of hassle and problems.
I know you won't listen to people who have been there (or in various stages of the process), so best of luck and don't come crying when things go bad.
I see the usuals tell me that I am picky for not dating dads but will date alcoholics. Yes I would prefer an alcoholic over a divorced dad because there isn't kids or an ex wife in the picture. At least with him I am able to experience things for the first time I never could with a dad. The thing is he is a good guy with problems. Yes I would date men with mental problems but not dads and that isn't going to change. At least with mental issues he's not supporting someone else.
sigh! You can say this kind of things because you haven't met one of those guys with serious mental problems.
I've dated a high profile attorney who suffered from depression and mood disorder for years. He was FULLY aware of his mental condition and has been taking meds. But unfortunately, mental illness can be fatal. My loved one was loving, giving, wonderful human being, he was also incredibly handsome and talented. He committed suicide eventually. It took me over four years to realize I didn't cause hie illness, I didn't make it worse, I could never make him better.
You cannot tell a terminal cancer patient, "If you love me, make that cancer go away." You cannot tell a drunk "If you love me behave yourself, stop drinking." It is not that simple. They are suffering from a disease, an ugly illness. They need a whole medical team to treat them, it might take a life time to get better.
If you really want to date this guy, you need to be mentally prepared. You need to ask yourself a serious question because at the end of the day, you have to be the one deal with this guy on daily basis, not city data posters. Can you honestly handle his problems forever for the rest of your life?
I will never date another man with depression or mood disorder because it is too painful. My ex was a high profile attorney for crying out loud. If I didn't have my very supportive brothers and family, If I didn't have my grief counselor and my grief support group, I don't think I can make it. Somebody else's action changed my entire life! I sure didn't sign up for this!
You think you can fix somebody, you CAN NOT. Think about it, iddy. He cannot have a good relationship with you because he is not well.
Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 07-05-2013 at 01:35 PM..
I am considering taking a break from dating him and look at other options but I doubt I will find another never married childless Catholic (I can bend on the religious aspect as long as the guy is a Christian). If anything I'll help him deal with this and be there for him but not date anyone else. He needs me more than anything else to be there for him and I am going to attend Al-Anon and other programs with him.
No, he doesn't need you more than anything else, that is your ego talking, he needs to detox under medical supervision and then hop on the recovery train, work the AA program and garner all the support he needs from others in the program and his sponsor. Al-Anon is for you, you work one program he works another. This isn't like taking a child to his first day of kindergarten, he is an adult, he created this problem and now it is up to him to seek and work a strong recovery program.
No, he doesn't need you more than anything else, that is your ego talking, he needs to detox under medical supervision and then hop on the recovery train, work the AA program and garner all the support he needs from others in the program and his sponsor. Al-Anon is for you, you work one program he works another. This isn't like taking a child to his first day of kindergarten, he is an adult, he created this problem and now it is up to him to seek and work a strong recovery program.
Word.
(as the kids say)
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It took me over four years to realize I didn't cause hie illness, I didn't make it worse, I could never make him better. 
