Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So I (26 years old) have been with my boyfriend (29y) for 2 years now, almost one year of living together.
I would describe our relationship as wonderful, with a lot of love and kisses, a lot of sex and doing many activities together.
Nevertheless, we broke up 5 months ago, only to get back together less than 2 months later, initiated by both of us.
3 months ago then we went together on a trip to South America, three full weeks of traveling together, it was wonderful. He planned the trip alone first because we were seperated at the time he started planning the trip, but when we were back together he asked me if I wanna come with me and I said yes.
Shortly after the trip I was sitting one evening next to my boyfriend when he was on Facebook. He received a message, clicked it- When he opened the message it was his ex-girlfriend who lives in Europe now. He didn't even read the message, instead he closed it superfast and didn't talk about it. I didn't even know they were still in contact, he never talks about her with me and once he said they're almost never in contact. I was wondering- If there is nothing to hide, why hiding the message?
I know, many people here will trash me for this, but I went in my boyfriend's Facebook a day after. I don't have his password, I used his laptop where he's permanently logged in. I found the message of that girl. She was asking him how his South America trip was (not mentioning me in a word) etc.
I scrolled up and there it was. A message from him to her, one day before we came back together- He told her he's going to South America alone and if she wants to fly over from Europe so they can travel together. I couldn't believe it. The day before we came back together we already started dating again, saw each other every few days, him texting and calling me every day. If he was so convinced of us getting back together (he initiated btw, he did 'the talk'), why would he write this to an ex-girlfriend without ever mentioning it to me, one day before getting back together?
When she didn't answer at first, he wrote her another message on the day we came back together. 'I guess no answer means no?' he wrote.
Two days later he asked me if I wanna go to South America with him. It looks to me like I was second choice. I even start thinking that maybe we wouldn't even have gotten back together if she answered yes, if she met alone with him in South America to travel together.
Two days after us getting back together she wrote him back, saying that she cannot go. He wrote back 'I just had to ask. It would have been awesome. Hope one day I can pick you up in Europe. How long can you wait for me?'
I really don't know what to think of all this. It didn't look like they're permanently in contact, but he seems to think of her. I mean who the hell asks his ex-girlfriend to travel alone together through South America if both even have to make a long trip to get there? I mean if she lived there and he would have told me before he's going to see her there it would be okay, but that's a completly different situation. Plus we just came back together and I should be the one he thinks of, not her.
Ever since I haven't checked his Facebook, but I cannot stop thinking of it. What do you guys think about it? You think he's still hung up on his ex, maybe even planned on cheating? What would you do in my shoes?
I don't think it's a good idea to fixate on what he did while you two were broken up. I also don't think it's a good idea to go poking around in someone else's computer.
However, now that you know, to be honest, I don't think I could live with that, myself. I would probably dump him, not only because apparently he has no problems changing women like he changes his underwear, but because rushing off to invite someone else on such a trip that quickly speaks to an inability to be alone for any length of time, and I can't respect that kind of desperation in a man.
What he did before you got back together, even if it was 1 minute before is of no consequence to you. You had no idea then that he asked her first and was not even patient enough to get a yes or no from her before reconciling with you.
However, he is still asking afterwards. Now, talk is cheap. I could invite you right now if I wanted to, doesn't mean it will really happen.
BUT none of this sounds good. You have to decide if you want him or not and if you do, become more of the woman he wants. Even this may not work if he is just someone who doesn't know what he wants.
I think you may need to take a step back and evaluate here. Not saying break up, just spend less time with him so you can be as clear as possible in your mind what is really going on. Why is he not satisfied with you, is it you or is he still in love with her or is it just an issue that is his? All you can do if you end up deciding to stay is be the best version of yourself. He will either love you or he won't. Do you love him? Are you in love with him? And WHY the mutual break up before- if you can answer that correctly, that will be of great help.
But we weren't broken up- We started dating again already, we were sort of a couple already again, and only one day later (after she didn't reply to his message the day before) he initiated 'the talk', asked me if all the last days meant that we're a couple again now because that's what he wants. And we were already officially back together when he wrote her 'I just had to ask, it would have been awesome'.
But you're right, I think I cannot live with being the second choice. I'm just wondering why did he want to get back together with me and why does he permanently say he loves me if I'm the backup plan?
But we weren't broken up- We started dating again already, we were sort of a couple already again, and only one day later (after she didn't reply to his message the day before) he initiated 'the talk', asked me if all the last days meant that we're a couple again now because that's what he wants. And we were already officially back together when he wrote her 'I just had to ask, it would have been awesome'.
But you're right, I think I cannot live with being the second choice. I'm just wondering why did he want to get back together with me and why does he permanently say he loves me if I'm the backup plan?
Because us guys need to know where dinner is.
But this back & forth from one vagina to the other is greasy kid stuff.
you guys were in transition into getting back together. i'm both of you had doubts. what matters is how he has behaved since.
if you want this for long term, maybe it's time to talk about exclusivity and sharing passwords on social media.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
