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4 months ago I told my husband I wanted a divorce. We have been together 16 years, married for 12 and have 3 children ages 18 12 and 11. The reason is that I haven't been happy for a long time and I realized that he couldn't be the one to make me happy. I also decided that I was interested in someone else sexually, who's also married (more on that later). So for the first month he really tried...really, then things went back to normal as expected. I'm not sexually attracted to him anymore...he feels like a best friend, but I want my freedom and I know it will crush him. Our deadline for making any final decisions is looming in the near future. Meanwhile, I started an affair with a married man a few months ago (I work with him) and all of a sudden over the last couple days I haven't heard from him...well not without me contacting first. I have no idea what's going on there but my life in all these weird pieces is really screwing with my mind. Why the silence all of a sudden? No arguments or anything. My guess is he is just busy at home. We originally agreed it was sex only, but thats starting to bug me because i would like to get to know him as a person. I did decide that if I could have this affair then it obviously was the end of the marriage. I don't work this way as a rule...the cheating that is. Now I'm all confused..anyone been here?
Couple of things stick out...first, you say "he couldn't be the one to make me happy". It is your job to make yourself happy, not someone else's. second, you have already entered into an affair with this other guy, now you are becoming emotionally attached to him and he might be pulling away...
Now you are considering what, staying with your spouse by default because the affair guy has gone missing?
Where is the confusion?
Location: Central Bay Area, CA as of Jan 2010...but still a proud Texan from Houston!
7,484 posts, read 10,451,680 times
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Well the cardinal rule should apply that you don't sleep around with co-workers regardless if you are single or not.
Also apply it to sleeping with married men. That will get you no where in hurry as you are now finding out.
If home life is that unhappy then divorce and work on yourself before jumping into sleeping around.
Last no one can "make" you happy. You need to find a way to create your own happiness. I could not imagine finding happiness from what you are doing. It sounds more like living in a nightmare.
It feels good to be free of all of that baggage and living an independent life. After being married with kids as long as you have I would take time to find out who you really are and what you must do to regroup and find your own happiness and true self identity.
No...I'm not going to be staying with my spouse. Yes, I realize the effects on 2 families as does the other person. Neither of us are thrilled with ourselves, but the newness is exciting...I know that's not a reason but it's there nonetheless.
4 months ago I told my husband I wanted a divorce. We have been together 16 years, married for 12 and have 3 children ages 18 12 and 11. The reason is that I haven't been happy for a long time and I realized that he couldn't be the one to make me happy. I also decided that I was interested in someone else sexually, who's also married (more on that later). So for the first month he really tried...really, then things went back to normal as expected. I'm not sexually attracted to him anymore...he feels like a best friend, but I want my freedom and I know it will crush him. Our deadline for making any final decisions is looming in the near future. Meanwhile, I started an affair with a married man a few months ago (I work with him) and all of a sudden over the last couple days I haven't heard from him...well not without me contacting first. I have no idea what's going on there but my life in all these weird pieces is really screwing with my mind. Why the silence all of a sudden? No arguments or anything. My guess is he is just busy at home. We originally agreed it was sex only, but thats starting to bug me because i would like to get to know him as a person. I did decide that if I could have this affair then it obviously was the end of the marriage. I don't work this way as a rule...the cheating that is. Now I'm all confused..anyone been here?
You cheated on your husband with a married man you work with. First rule of thumb is NEVER sh*t where you eat. Do you understand this expression? You both originally agreed it was sex only. But then YOU changed the rules of the game. So he has stopped contacting you. You are getting upset with him? Why? What are you confused about? He is married, and he is not looking for a relationship. Do not get your feelings involved here. There are none.
Maybe guilt or remorse or morality took over for him. My advise is to stop cheating immediately!!! If you are not happy with your husband, then...LEAVE!!! You are only going to end up hurting your career, this man's wife/family and or you, your husband/family.
4 months ago I told my husband I wanted a divorce. We have been together 16 years, married for 12 and have 3 children ages 18 12 and 11. The reason is that I haven't been happy for a long time and I realized that he couldn't be the one to make me happy. I also decided that I was interested in someone else sexually, who's also married (more on that later). So for the first month he really tried...really, then things went back to normal as expected. I'm not sexually attracted to him anymore...he feels like a best friend, but I want my freedom and I know it will crush him. Our deadline for making any final decisions is looming in the near future. Meanwhile, I started an affair with a married man a few months ago (I work with him) and all of a sudden over the last couple days I haven't heard from him...well not without me contacting first. I have no idea what's going on there but my life in all these weird pieces is really screwing with my mind. Why the silence all of a sudden? No arguments or anything. My guess is he is just busy at home. We originally agreed it was sex only, but thats starting to bug me because i would like to get to know him as a person. I did decide that if I could have this affair then it obviously was the end of the marriage. I don't work this way as a rule...the cheating that is. Now I'm all confused..anyone been here?
No one can make you happy. That's your job.
Im sure the married guy disappeared cause you changed the rules. He wanted sex - now you want more.
As a divorced woman, with three children, I think you need to think long and hard about that "best friend" you call a husband. You think you want to be single, but you have no idea what that's like ... its not all affairs and the rush of newness. You'll be wishing for that stability and life long partner. Sexual attraction isn't everything - make an effort. Maybe you just need to spice things up with the man you committed yoru life to instead of looking for someone else to "make you" happy ....
In case you are wondering - youll get zero sympathy from this board... or any for that matter not in support of affairs.
4 months ago I told my husband I wanted a divorce. We have been together 16 years, married for 12 and have 3 children ages 18 12 and 11. The reason is that I haven't been happy for a long time and I realized that he couldn't be the one to make me happy. I also decided that I was interested in someone else sexually, who's also married (more on that later). So for the first month he really tried...really, then things went back to normal as expected. I'm not sexually attracted to him anymore...he feels like a best friend, but I want my freedom and I know it will crush him. Our deadline for making any final decisions is looming in the near future. Meanwhile, I started an affair with a married man a few months ago (I work with him) and all of a sudden over the last couple days I haven't heard from him...well not without me contacting first. I have no idea what's going on there but my life in all these weird pieces is really screwing with my mind. Why the silence all of a sudden? No arguments or anything. My guess is he is just busy at home. We originally agreed it was sex only, but thats starting to bug me because i would like to get to know him as a person. I did decide that if I could have this affair then it obviously was the end of the marriage. I don't work this way as a rule...the cheating that is. Now I'm all confused..anyone been here?
pretty ugly situation you put yourself in, but it makes sense since you're an ugly person on the inside.
It's a shame that new 2 marriages are ruined instead of just one.
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