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Old 07-08-2013, 11:13 AM
 
896 posts, read 1,172,700 times
Reputation: 1283

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Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
I think there is a huge difference between having realistic standards and settling.

Settling, to me, means having a relationship with someone who just doesn't feel 'right' to you, or who doesn't have basic characteristics that you need in order to be content in a relationship. It means committing to being at least a bit unhappy, all the time.
Thanks for the clarification, I do agree with you.
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Old 07-08-2013, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Canada
11,755 posts, read 11,940,536 times
Reputation: 30129
Quote:
Originally Posted by GraciousVox View Post
What if what you want isn't realistic? Isn't it smart to revise your standards if they aren't realistic in the first place?
^^^This.

To me, settling implies taking whatever you can get, whether you want it or not, because you don't perceive another option.

IMO, "lowering" your standards is more a reflection on you rather than the person you're interested in. If no one ever measures up to your standards, odds are yours are too high, rather than everyone else not being good enough.
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Old 07-08-2013, 12:35 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,230 posts, read 16,489,321 times
Reputation: 9174
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
A lot of people talk about lowering your standards, or settling for someone who isn't really what you want.

But is that even really possible? For you?

I don't think I could sustain a relationship for three months, let alone 30 years, with someone I didn't really want to be with. The whole thing would be like fingernails on a blackboard to me. Is this just because I am a bit of an introvert?
There has to be room for some compromise in any relationship. There are some things I can work with and others where I won't budge. I say if you are willing to be alone for however long it takes to get what you want, have at it. Some people are just plain unrealistic but, again, they have to be willing to live with their choices. But I can't see being with someone I didn't really want to be with. I don't know why anyone would go that route. That's settling, big time.
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Old 07-08-2013, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,669,046 times
Reputation: 25360
No I won't settle. If I never find a bf or husband it wasn't meant to be. I'm concentrating on my career.
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Old 07-08-2013, 12:46 PM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,929,537 times
Reputation: 13948
I don't really even have standards, I have a few deal breakers and most everything else is negotiable.

So settling for me would be having someone who violates those deal breakers and I have to live with that, which means I am not physically attracted to that person, and I have to find a way to be around her while sh's smoking, which I don't see either working for me, so I probably am unable to settle in this regard.
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Old 07-08-2013, 12:56 PM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,558,218 times
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Hmmm... maybe I could, but I doubt it would feel like settling.
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Old 07-08-2013, 01:04 PM
 
Location: moved
13,566 posts, read 9,576,463 times
Reputation: 23302
I can't compromise on the big three, or at least the first two of the big three: child-free, atheist/agnostic/secular, and thrifty attitude towards money (or at least my money). Everything else, including physical appearance, is up for compromise.

Unlike most others here, I'd rather have a partner who strongly deviates from my theoretical desires, than no partner at all. But I'm a bit older, surrounded by married people whose concerns revolve around their own families; and I have very few living relatives (and none within a day's drive). For me a partner is less about sex or romance than about simple companionship.
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Old 07-08-2013, 01:08 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,932 posts, read 11,656,829 times
Reputation: 13169
There are always tradeoffs.
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Old 07-08-2013, 01:25 PM
 
10,029 posts, read 10,856,170 times
Reputation: 5944
Look wise yes I can settle. Morals wise, nope and I would rather die alone with 100 cats (which then technically wouldn't be dying alone if I have cats).
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Old 07-08-2013, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,112 posts, read 30,530,848 times
Reputation: 16394
Nope.
I'm perfectly happy and content being alone and will only choose to be with someone if they add to my life and make it better.

Right now, I don't see that happening so I'm planning on being alone for the foreseeable future.
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