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I think what has made me bitter is that too many men had issues that I realized were problems for me. For example I am very staunchly anti dad and the reason is because in my 20's I dated a couple of dads with severe drama and financial issues that I vowed then never to date a dad because these could happen again. It isn't fun to go from one guy who has money to buy nice gifts and take me out to dinner to another guy where a dinner at McDonald's and a budget movie is all he can spend because he is supporting an ex-wife too lazy to work and his kids. It's not fun when you see your friends dating and marrying guys with no drama while dating a guy who tells you he's probably not going to marry because of the ex. Then of course when I did online dating and came across men my age desiring younger women. I've never experienced this problem offline and tended to attract much younger men who think we are the same age.
The constant rejection. Even when things are going well, I still get rejected. Every time. Without fail. I'm told that simply by the virtue of being a woman I should have men lined up around the block to date me, but all I get is either ignored, or rejected.
a feeling like going on a job interview, a hopeless backwards feeling, a self conscious feeling, being uncomfortable about the idea of looking for companionship, like i would be seen as more desirable if i already had someone, a feeling of pointlesness and dread, having to reveal my salary, faults and misgivings to another person and believe me i do not make a lot of $$$ and i have a lot of misgivings in my life, a feeling that it will never work out and whats the use...
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