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Maybe I'm a romantic...but I always expected a sort of spark...an unquenching thirst of sorts...
I don't feel it with her. She's a good person, though, and I don't want to hurt her.
She's talking about 'wanting my children' and I'm having these thoughts. It's not a good thing.
And I'm the one who introduced the idea to her. Gave her the ideal, and now it's like I'm about to snatch it away from her...and I don't want it to ruin her.
If it were me, and I cared as much about another as she seems to about me, and it was snatched away from me...I'd die.
I don't want her to die.
What do I do?
I personally have never wanted to have anybody's baby, although I can be very emotionally attached to somebody.
I don't know why are somebody so clingy, and emotionally unstable. (Yes, wanting somebody's children without proper planning is being emotional unstable. Threatening suicide / fantasizing about killing oneself is being emotional unstable.)
I am not attracted to 99% of the people I saw emotionally and or physically. There is not a darn thing I can do. If they don't do anything for me, they don't do anything for me. I cannot rescue anybody just because they want to die.
If she threatened suicide, you need to look up "borderline personality disorder", it is a very scary mental illness needs immediate medical attention because A LOT OF PEOPLE who threaten suicide do end up killing himself (My ex did, he suffered from depression and mood disorder) However, you are not responsible for somebody else's action, behavior, or thoughts.
If I were you, I'd slowly detach from this person, get her some help.
Don't worry, obviously she is not very selective about her mates so she will find someone else almost immediately and you will be a dim memory within a month.
Maybe I'm a romantic...but I always expected a sort of spark...an unquenching thirst of sorts...
I don't feel it with her. She's a good person, though, and I don't want to hurt her.
She's talking about 'wanting my children' and I'm having these thoughts. It's not a good thing.
And I'm the one who introduced the idea to her. Gave her the ideal, and now it's like I'm about to snatch it away from her...and I don't want it to ruin her.
If it were me, and I cared as much about another as she seems to about me, and it was snatched away from me...I'd die.
I don't want her to die.
What do I do?
Dude;
You sound like a melodramatic, selfish a**hole. It's not all about you and your feelings. Tell her how you feel, claim to be a "romantic" and break it off with her. Eventually, you'll go from being The One That Got Away to That A**Hole I can't Believe I Ever Cared For and she'll be much better for it.
What if I call her up like 50 years from now, having lived an awesome life, only to find her never having been married and living with a bunch of cats? I don't want her to be the old cat lady...and if some guy isn't smart enough to snatch her up, we'll that guy would be an idiot. And that's me.
Simple solution - don't call her up 50 years from now.
What if I call her up like 50 years from now, having lived an awesome life, only to find her never having been married and living with a bunch of cats? I don't want her to be the old cat lady...and if some guy isn't smart enough to snatch her up, we'll that guy would be an idiot. And that's me.
Wow, so you really think you hold the only keys to this woman's happiness? It's unbelievable the narcissism that is plainly evident in all of your posts. It's clear that you're already with the love of your life -- you!
If it isn't right for you and you are just going with the flow of it, maybe she is doing the same. Ending it could be what the both of you want but neither of you are willing to admit that to the other.
To make it more simple, just break it off. Both of you will be just fine.
Learn from my hard and long mistake from this. Let her go...
Had my first long term relationship of 5 years end a real hard way because of this. I was attracted to her because she was one of the few woman in my life that actually wanted wanted me and I was blinded by that, even though I wasn't attracted to her from the start, the feeling of being wanted and loved just felt so damn good and I kept up with it, even after it started to feel "not right" It wasn't until I finally realized later on I was in love with how she made me feel and not who she was. Though I did like her personality which kept me attached, I grew more withdrawn because I just didn't have chemistry when I looked at her, I honestly would have to grit my teeth to say she was beautiful, but because I didn't mean it. And I hated myself and struggled with this for 5 years, trying to figure out what to do and if somehow I would grow up and get over my terrible "grass is greener on the other side" but it just got worse, among my ocd and her panic and anxiety attacks along immature decision making and poor health choices drove me nearly to the point of utter depression and her a complete wreck. I
I eventually realized it was my fault for not ending it sooner and luckily our relationship ended for many other reasons over two years ago. It's been a very rough, strange and slow road for me to walk my way back to recovery after my first real deep relationship ended.
But one things for damn sure after going through that. I will only pursue woman that I have a definitive attraction too from the start. I will not waste my time or a gals if I don't have that spark from the start, its either there, or it isn't. I won't make that same mistake twice and I expect the woman to feel the same about me and if not, we pursue other people, simple as that. Life is to damn short, I will only compromise so much after my hard 5 year lesson.
I know what I want and need from a woman in the looks department for me to be happy and truthful of how I feel about her and if that makes me seem shallow to be picky, believe me, I am A-ok with that.
Wow....are you my ex?
I was basically the woman in your scenario and it sucked...it was absolutely horrible being broken up with because I wasn't attractive enough for him. Four years later and it's still affecting me and likely will for the rest of my life. I will never feel like I'm good enough physically for any guy.
So yeah, OP, please just break it off with her and spare her the feeling of inadequacy. If my ex had broken up with me 3 months into the relationship, I'd likely be an entirely different person now.
Maybe I'm a romantic...but I always expected a sort of spark...an unquenching thirst of sorts...
I don't feel it with her. She's a good person, though, and I don't want to hurt her.
She's talking about 'wanting my children' and I'm having these thoughts. It's not a good thing.
And I'm the one who introduced the idea to her. Gave her the ideal, and now it's like I'm about to snatch it away from her...and I don't want it to ruin her.
If it were me, and I cared as much about another as she seems to about me, and it was snatched away from me...I'd die.
I don't want her to die.
What do I do?
It's always a tough call but if you can't envision a future with her then it's probably best to break it off. I believe in your case, if you are already having doubts then you are only prolonging the inevitable. The longer you string her along the greater you will hurt her.
I was basically the woman in your scenario and it sucked...it was absolutely horrible being broken up with because I wasn't attractive enough for him. Four years later and it's still affecting me and likely will for the rest of my life. I will never feel like I'm good enough physically for any guy.
So yeah, OP, please just break it off with her and spare her the feeling of inadequacy. If my ex had broken up with me 3 months into the relationship, I'd likely be an entirely different person now.
Well thank God for both of us, we broke up because of many other reasons and in an ironic twist of fate, she started the relationship and she ended it, but my lack of "attraction" for her was never brought up, which terrified the crap out of me for years on what I was gonna do. So I got a major "GTFO of mental hell card" for free that round
As I said, won't be making that mistake ever again, even if it costs me to be alone to my grave.
Well thank God for both of us, we broke up because of many other reasons and in an ironic twist of fate, she started the relationship and she ended it, but my lack of "attraction" for her was never brought up, which terrified the crap out of me for years on what I was gonna do. So I got a major "GTFO of mental hell card" for free that round
As I said, won't be making that mistake ever again, even if it costs me to be alone to my grave.
I think you're very mature to have this realization and accept it. Although things have changed, I too struggled with someone I wasn't attracted to, and it wreaked havoc on both our relationship and my own sense of peace.
Staying with someone out of obligation or fear of hurting them is NEVER the right thing to do. I'd rather hurt someone, or be hurt (if I'm on the receiving end of things), than end up in a bitter, angry, loveless, resentful marriage.
Kudos to you, honestly!
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