If You Earn More $$ Than Your Mate, DO You Control the $$?
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This sounds like an ideal situation for the both of you, but I have a quick question:
Do you each set spending limits on the other one (eg no purchases above $200 without contacting the other first, etc)?
We've never discussed it, it just kind of... happens that way. We're both pretty laid back, and know our income vs. outgo and tend to keep our 'fluff' spending reined in. In general, I'd say if it's something over $100 or so we'd run it by the other. Just to make sure there hadn't been any surprise expenses, gift spending planned, etc etc.
My SO makes ~30k a year more than I do. We don't live together (my job is in another state, he is moving here within a year), but we plan vacation together and discuss apartment choices, and how we will treat finances. We are both pretty frugal (he actually has lots of debt from his masters, so technically my net worth is more), so we are pretty in agreement about money.
When I made more money and he was in grad school, I paid for most expenses, and I tended to buy him pricier gifts. Now that he works, it's more equal. For our vacation, he is booking the car and hotel meal expenses, and never asked me for a dime.
We agree that once we get married/engaged, our expenses and income will merge. I'm aware of all his debts, and we are aware of each others paychecks. The only time he "controls" money is if he decides he wants to do something more expensive. For example, one weekend I said I was only willing to pay x amount of dollars for the weekends activities because it was above my budget, yet he counteracted me and said he has no problem footing the bill. It just works. We take care of each other and don't argue.
I think it helps not to be materialistic. My brother and sister in law are. Keeping up with the jones.
If your the type of guy that cant score a woman who is at least a 7 then you might as well have a car that can do over 200 mph, a plane or some other such thing so you can at least get an adrenaline rush.
If your the type of guy that cant score a woman who is at least a 7 then you might as well have a car that can do over 200 mph, a plane or some other such thing so you can at least get an adrenaline rush.
The super nice crotch rockets are nice too.
Hmmm... I think many men can score a 7 or more if he has his stuff together.
I'm a 5 and I scored a few 9's when I was young. My friends saw the one guy and were amazed. Now he is fat like me. Lol
We're in a similar income bracket, although currently I make more, and have fewer debts (my student loans are paid off, his are almost paid off. His car payment is a bit bigger than mine. And I'm the one with a mortgage, he's still renting.)
We usually split stuff like vacations 50/50. If we go out to dinner, he prefers to pay, it's some kind of male/provider thing with him. It makes me a little uncomfortable, so I'm always offering to pick up the wine or the pre-dinner drinks. Occasionally, he humors me.
If we got married or officially moved in together, we'd probably do the "your money, my money, and our money" thing, with a shared account for house expenses. I don't think I'd be comfortable with any other sort of financial arrangement.
Hmmm... I think many men can score a 7 or more if he has his stuff together.
I'm a 5 and I scored a few 9's when I was young. My friends saw the one guy and were amazed. Now he is fat like me. Lol
I'm friends with him to this day.
So first off your not a 5, second the guys you were seeing were 9s (you are actually closer to an 8 or 9 yourself, this ties back to that body/face image issues for women again). How does that help a guy who is a 5?
I am saying for a guy who is a 5 and cant land a 7 to save his life he might as well supplement his 4 or 5 gf with a car that can do over 200 mph, a plane or what have you. I have always had my stuff together and have never been able to land a 7, in a way im glad I never had that one off woman who was hot because it would ruin me. Every women I have been with has been over 200lbs. I am also about 220 but I power lift and I do have a little extra weight but much less so than the women I have been with, I must have a really unattractive face.
We're in a similar income bracket, although currently I make more, and have fewer debts (my student loans are paid off, his are almost paid off. His car payment is a bit bigger than mine. And I'm the one with a mortgage, he's still renting.)
We usually split stuff like vacations 50/50. If we go out to dinner, he prefers to pay, it's some kind of male/provider thing with him. It makes me a little uncomfortable, so I'm always offering to pick up the wine or the pre-dinner drinks. Occasionally, he humors me.
If we got married or officially moved in together, we'd probably do the "your money, my money, and our money" thing, with a shared account for house expenses. I don't think I'd be comfortable with any other sort of financial arrangement.
This is the only way to do it, couple that with no kids and no legal marriage and then your both there because you want to be there not because you have to be there.
So first off your not a 5, second the guys you were seeing were 9s (you are actually closer to an 8 or 9 yourself, this ties back to that body/face image issues for women again). How does that help a guy who is a 5?
I am saying for a guy who is a 5 and cant land a 7 to save his life he might as well supplement his 4 or 5 gf with a car that can do over 200 mph, a plane or what have you. I have always had my stuff together and have never been able to land a 7, in a way im glad I never had that one off woman who was hot because it would ruin me. Every women I have been with has been over 200lbs. I am also about 220 but I power lift and I do have a little extra weight but much less so than the women I have been with, I must have a really unattractive face.
Thanks for the compliment. I have dated chunky men before. I don't know what you look like, but I'm sure you are fine. I see beauty in every human. You just haven't met a worthy person. You will.
7 years into marriage, and we really haven't worked this out yet. It's complicated. We really can't afford all the stuff we both want, with only me working. Dh getting unnecessary stuff he wants, IMO, without holding a paying job, surely won't motivate him to overcome his anxieties (and legitimate disabilities) and seek employment, and will just make our financial situation precarious. I have pulled the breadwinner card at times, although I know it's not healthy, and I should focus on my own unnecessary spending and on improving my skills so I can earn more. He also tries to control by hiding debit cards, claiming they never arrived in the mail, and such, and of course, I catch on pretty quickly. Ideally, both spouses would feel an obligation to row the boat, and both would compromise on the boat's course. Human nature being what it is, there is temptation to pull rank as wanna-be "captain," or secretly change the boat's direction in the dead of night while one's spouse is asleep, and hope the spouse doesn't notice upon awakening in the morning. Both spouses are responsible for fighting the urge to behave in these ways.
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