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I was just reading a new thread started here in the Relationships Forum about couples arguing about money, and one of the posters commented that one reason couples may fight over money is b/c the higher earner may feel entitled to control the flow of money...
This got me thinking...
If you are in a long term relationship (eg. those of you who have been together 2-3+years, engaged, or married), and either you or your S.O. earns significantly more than the other, does the higher earner tend to have a monopoly on the direction of finances?
I'm curious to see what situations you have been/or currently are, in, and how you manage them...
I prefer to have my own seperate account along with a joint account for my future relationships. I like to maintain my own little finacial "independence" and I will respect my lady to have her own as well for smaller purchases and know that we will make smaller purchases with a good frame of mind and common sense.
For larger purchases that require joint funds or withdrawal from the shared savings account, I prefer we have a discussion about stuff like that first.
The idea of "Whats mine is yours and vice versa" doesn't fly with me at all.
I was just reading a new thread started here in the Relationships Forum about couples arguing about money, and one of the posters commented that one reason couples may fight over money is b/c the higher earner may feel entitled to control the flow of money...
This got me thinking...
If you are in a long term relationship (eg. those of you who have been together 2-3+years, engaged, or married), and either you or your S.O. earns significantly more than the other, does the higher earner tend to have a monopoly on the direction of finances?
I'm curious to see what situations you have been/or currently are, in, and how you manage them...
My gf and I don't really have a shared account, however I did give her a credit card in her name. She can put things like groceries and other things she buy's for "us" on that card. She pays for her personal things, then it just works best for me to give her a CC for our joint things she buys when I'm not around. I trust her so it's no biggie. I make far far more, and I'm older and better with money so I obviously control everything.
If she finishes school and we got married we wouldn't have too many issues regarding money. We would probably keep going like we're going but just save everything she makes for a house and for retirement. That's a long ways off though.
When I was married we never fought about money, even through we were both self employed and our income was not steady and predictable. Sometimes we were broke, sometimes not, but we did not fight about it because we each had our own bank accounts and our own responsibilities. He paid the mortgage, I paid all child care expenses. He paid cable, I paid phone. Etc. Whatever was left over was ours to do as we pleased. For him that might mean a new golf club, for me, a new piece of furniture I liked.
Every year when we did our taxes (married filing separately) we would calculate our individual incomes, the divide up joint expenses so that we were both paying the same percentage of our income. Thinks like vacations we would split the same way.
Worked like a charm, and there were never any misunderstandings or abuses.
I wouldn't say the gap is huge per se... I make around 55, she makes around 30.
We worked out a monthly budget on an excel sheet, and figured out what would be the percentages and breakdowns.
We landed on a 65%-35% split. We included our rent, utilities, food, entertainment, pet expenses, etc. We rounded up a bit to have some cushion. We opened up a joint account, where both put our respective amounts in on payday. She takes care of the finances. Anything left goes into our Savings.
From our own accounts, we pay our own expenses i.e car, insurance, gas, etc. I am more of a spender than her, which is actually great, because she has made me way more frugal. Anything I buy that is pricey, I definitely run it by her, and visa versa. Our rule is, though, that what is in your joint is yours and as long as all of your bills are paid, no worries.
I wouldn't say the gap is huge per se... I make around 55, she makes around 30.
We worked out a monthly budget on an excel sheet, and figured out what would be the percentages and breakdowns.
We landed on a 65%-35% split. We included our rent, utilities, food, entertainment, pet expenses, etc. We rounded up a bit to have some cushion. We opened up a joint account, where both put our respective amounts in on payday. She takes care of the finances. Anything left goes into our Savings.
From our own accounts, we pay our own expenses i.e car, insurance, gas, etc. I am more of a spender than her, which is actually great, because she has made me way more frugal. Anything I buy that is pricey, I definitely run it by her, and visa versa. Our rule is, though, that what is in your joint is yours and as long as all of your bills are paid, no worries.
We're both in agreement on financial issues. I don't think we've ever had a significant issue over any money-related decision. This is so even though for years one of us was disabled and had no income at all, and the rest of the time one of us made 20-30% as much as the other.
We also both have a credit card from the other person, she is the authorized user on my Discover, and I on her Bank of America. We also have a Chase card under her name, but we both use that exclusively for household expenses. We pay every bill possible with that card, and end up with a large amount of Cashback. We also have a Target Card, having the 5% off on every purchase is very helpful!
Having each other as an Authorized user is nice too.. We mainly use it in those situations where I'm like "Can you pick up some beer on the way home" or one of us find something the other was looking for.
One thing funny, we have an Amazon Prime account in her name, and, my Discover card was compromised so, it is no longer on there. I will use her Credit Card on the account and then switch money from my checking account directly into our joint account so she can do with it what she wishes.
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