Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I hate to say it, but even if what you said was an insensitive joke, he seems very immature that he cannot get past it. If he is willing to give up a lifetime commitment with the woman he loves because of this, there there wasn't much there holding it together. Worrying to such extent about the size of your unit is such a middle school thing. How will he handle life when he is 50 or 60 and all sorts of other embarrassing bodily things start to happen?
I think he is not going to make a good husband for you. I am sorry. He has a lot of growing up to do. It is time for you to stop apologizing and let him know that you are not impressed by the ugly, vain side of himself he is showing. Glad you saw it now rather than later.
Drop the issue completely and let him have his break.
I am not so sure that apologizing over and over and bringing the topic up does anything but make it worse. Yes, you said what you said. Yes, you apologized. I think that's where the topic should end. If I were the topic of some unpleasantness, I would want it dropped. I would not want attention on the topic again.
If I were a man (and I could be completely off base about this, since I'm not a man), I would not appreciate the "dressing up sexy" part. That, to me, would be like saying, I'm going to prove to you that it isn't as little as I said it was. Or, Even though it's little, we are going to prove that it doesn't matter. Once again, it's focusing on the one thing that he would probably like to forget.
>>> Got called away and came back to find others had the same idea.
OP, I think you two need to take a break from each other for awhile. He needs time to process, and decide if he wants to go through with the engagement. (Hopefully, after a few weeks, he'll realize how much he misses you, and will remember all your good qualities. This is the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" theory... ) And you need a break so you can put it behind you and stop hand-wringing about it, and making it worse.
If he decides to come back, listen to what he says. If he wants to do counseling, do it. If he wants to forget about it and put it behind you, do that. If he wants to move and start over in a different community....whatever it takes.
That's IF both of you decide you want to proceed with the engagement and wedding.
And like some of us said before: cut back on the drinking and partying in general. It doesn't put your best foot forward.
I understand that he's hurt and it's beyond completely justifiable. But I need ways to help him get past it, not reasons why he may be unreasonable etc. It's the fact that the info is "out there" that gets him. With me he's pissed because I blabbed but I already knew. It's all his friends that to him is a bigger problem. Concrete example is tomorrow we're invited to a bbq where some of the people from the party will also be. He doesn't want to go. He figures he'll get "looks" and stares and that he will be very uncomfortable. This is where I really want to help him.
With me he's pissed because I blabbed but I already knew.
I don't understand this statement. Are you saying that he shouldn't be pissed, because you already knew? You already knew, but didn't have to blab. And I think he has every right to be pissed. He also has a right to take his time in getting over it - IF he does.
Well, you could tell him that real friends wouldn't spread something like that around--the few people who heard it were probably smart enough to keep it to themselves. You could say that, it might work.
I understand that he's hurt and it's beyond completely justifiable. But I need ways to help him get past it, not reasons why he may be unreasonable etc. It's the fact that the info is "out there" that gets him. With me he's pissed because I blabbed but I already knew. It's all his friends that to him is a bigger problem. Concrete example is tomorrow we're invited to a bbq where some of the people from the party will also be. He doesn't want to go. He figures he'll get "looks" and stares and that he will be very uncomfortable. This is where I really want to help him.
There is nothing you can do. Accept that, and let him handle it or not. Again, I think he is being very immature. Do his friends really CARE about the size of his schlong?
You people need new friends, fast. And he needs to grow a thicker skin. He seems very unprepared for all the terrible things that life deals out in the real world. Job loss. Money problems. Children who fail to live up to your expectations. Illness. Aging.
A strong man will be able to brush off disappointment and embarrassment. Because life can be very disappointing and embarrassing.
Your man is not strong. This is not good for your future. Trust me.
I understand that he's hurt and it's beyond completely justifiable. But I need ways to help him get past it, not reasons why he may be unreasonable etc. It's the fact that the info is "out there" that gets him. With me he's pissed because I blabbed but I already knew. It's all his friends that to him is a bigger problem. Concrete example is tomorrow we're invited to a bbq where some of the people from the party will also be. He doesn't want to go. He figures he'll get "looks" and stares and that he will be very uncomfortable. This is where I really want to help him.
Help him? lol, I think you've done enough "helping" as it is....you should stop trying to "help" and let him figure out how best to proceed.
Imagine if he made a tasteless joke about you being a w h o r e or a retired prostitute (something that sticks) and then is attempting to do damage control after the fact.... its just pointless.
A confident guy (like me ) that isnt packing like a little leaguer wont take the comment seriously but will drop you like a bad habit. There are tasteless jokes and then there is what you did...total humiliation... for no reason. SMH!
Last edited by Percentage; 07-13-2013 at 07:09 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
) And you need a break so you can put it behind you and stop hand-wringing about it, and making it worse.
