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Old 07-12-2013, 07:54 PM
 
30,873 posts, read 36,808,045 times
Reputation: 34451

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I don't know if you can salvage this relationship or not BUT here are some lessons that could be learned.

---Don't get drunk.
---Don't get drunk around other men, in particular.
---It's probably a good idea to not hang around men at parties if your boyfriend isn't with you. (The best way to be disciplined is to remove the temptation when possible).
---The general rule for cheating is that you shouldn't tell your partner...although you should most definitely get tested for HIV and other STDs and use condoms in the meantime. Only disclose the cheating if you have an STD. If you need to talk to someone about the cheating because of guilt, it should be with some kind of counselor.

There are clearly some other issues here if you're thinking of killing yourself. You have a kid out of wedlock. You got drunk and cheated on your partner. You're thinking of killing yourself. You are NOT a horrible person, BUT all of these behaviors suggest you need some serious counseling of some kind or other. They indicate you've got some very unhealthy patterns going on, especially when taken together. If you can't afford counseling, it's time to find a church and to attend regularly. As others have also suggested, maybe you need to check into AA. If you drink to the point of blacking out, that is a very bad sign (even if it's not very often).



Honestly, I wonder if you are afraid of commitment...because what you did sure looks like it was an act of self sabotage.

Last edited by mysticaltyger; 07-12-2013 at 08:15 PM..
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Old 07-12-2013, 08:04 PM
 
30,873 posts, read 36,808,045 times
Reputation: 34451
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
This is how both men and women should react to cheating (whether kids are involved or not), but sadly, many don't. Many stay together and their relationship just goes on a slow and painful decline, eventually ending in breakup anyway. A few stay indefinitely because they are so damn scared to be on their own and pretend to the world they have the best relationship ever. It's pathetic. They claim commitment because commitment is admirable but there's nothing admirable about that kind of commitment.
I disagree. They should try to work it out, if at all possible, because there is a child involved. Often when people in messed up relationships break up, they just repeat the same dysfunctional pattern with another person anyway.
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Old 07-12-2013, 08:10 PM
 
515 posts, read 621,448 times
Reputation: 713
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tabitha Violet View Post
Hey,
I'm in an awful situation.
I have been with my partner for about 18months and we have a beautiful 5 month old daughter.
we are really happy together, and he has brought me a ring and was about to propose in the coming months.
But on Saturday I stayed at one of my friends house who i have been friends with for life. I was completely drunk and was by myself and their eldest brother who i had not seen for 6years (we use to have a thing) come over without me even knowing. I had no feeling or attractions for him whatsoever. anyway i can't remember too much as i was really intoxicated, i then must have blacked out but when i came to my senses after 10 to 20 seconds i was giving him head. I stopped immediately and screamed WTF and then vomited all over him! I felt so ashamed and so angry at myself. The next day my partner come to pick me up and I had to tell him.
I never keep anything from him I tell him everything and i mean everything. I also spewed whilst i was telling him. He took it better then i expected but now were both a complete mess. I tried to kill myself the next day as knowing that I may lose him forever was too much for me to bare. I love him with my entire heart and soul, i have never loved another like this. He has been having sexual activities with me but i feel like he is using me now. I don't blame him though, but he said he just wants to feel intimacy but there isn't.
He has said to me that he wants this to work so bad, and what we had was amazing but he is finding it hard.
I am trying to show him that i had no intentions whatsoever and he said he knows that and he knows how horrible and extremely sorry i feel.
I just want to know how and what can we do to make things get better? I know everyone says time but I'm afraid time is not on my side in this situation.

Problem #1 You got pregnant after dating for 4 months and still have no ring.

Problem #2 Get drunk with your partner present or sleep out and stay sober. People in a committed relationship with children should not spend the night out and get completely drunk.

Problem #3 ****ty choice of friends. Where was your lifelong friend when her brother(who you used to have a thing with) showed up? Has the thought not crossed your mind that she told him you were there or were coming over?

Problem #4 You probably vomitted all over him because you gagged on his ejaculate.

Problem #5 When you spewed on your boyfriend he probably smelled the ejaculate.

Problem #6 Losing him was more unbearable than orphaning your beautiful 5 month old?

Problem #7 He needs to now give his penis to someone else and probably already has.

Last edited by shamrockfisher; 07-12-2013 at 08:38 PM..
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Old 07-12-2013, 08:37 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 7,217,539 times
Reputation: 11987
Quote:
Originally Posted by shamrockfisher View Post
Problem #1 You got pregnant after dating for 4 months all still have no ring.

Problem #2 Get drunk with your partner present or sleep out and stay sober. People in a committed relationship with children should not spend the night out and get completely drunk.

Problem #3 ****ty choice of friends. Where was your lifelong friend when her brother(who you used to have a thing with) showed up? Has the thought not crossed your mind that she told him you were there or were coming over?

Problem #4 You probably vomitted all over him because you gagged on his ejaculate.

Problem #5 When you spewed on your boyfriend he probably smelled the ejaculate.

Problem #6 Losing him was more unbearable than orphaning your beautiful 5 month old?

Problem #7 He needs to now give his penis to someone else and probably already has.
Problems 4 and 5....... (lol)

Problem 6. YEP.

All the rest of it - +1!

OP how old are you and why are you partying till pukedom instead of looking after your baby?

I think that's the real problem here.

Not to judge but to get you to look long and hard at the life you have built...
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Old 07-13-2013, 01:59 AM
 
16,488 posts, read 24,421,104 times
Reputation: 16338
I have been drunk before in my life, but I have never made a move on anyone. I don't know, I think it is odd that you would do that to someone you had no feelings for anymore. If I was your boyfriend I would feel very upset and I am not sure I could continue to trust you. I agree that I don't think things will ever be as they were before this.
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Old 07-13-2013, 06:47 PM
 
37,477 posts, read 45,726,590 times
Reputation: 56980
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Well bust my buttons, you learn something new every day.
Wow. You really did not know that? LOL!!
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Old 07-13-2013, 07:03 PM
 
2,495 posts, read 4,345,996 times
Reputation: 4935
How does one black out and regain their sense in the middle of orally pleasuring someone else???? Seriously? LMAO. The things you read on CD. GTFOH with this BS story. NEXT!!!!!!!!
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Old 07-13-2013, 07:31 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,098,782 times
Reputation: 22274
Quote:
Originally Posted by Percentage View Post
How does one black out and regain their sense in the middle of orally pleasuring someone else???? Seriously? LMAO. The things you read on CD. GTFOH with this BS story. NEXT!!!!!!!!
I've been trying to wrap my head around that one since this thread first popped up. I just ain't buyin' it.
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Old 07-13-2013, 07:56 PM
 
Location: Modesto CA
11 posts, read 15,193 times
Reputation: 12
Honey we all make mistakes we are human, and for some people who have not really had one of these been there done that type episodes, then they really should not reply. So you drank and got to smashed to understand what you were doing. An you told him out of your feeling of guilt. I give you credit for that. You two will be connected for life remember that you have a wonderful daughter together. He is trying and you are too, but your guilt is killing you. I completley can relate, but the whole thing with killing your self was a reach out. You cannot make someone feel the way you want them too. Things will never be the same after this. You are watching and thinking about everything he is doing and wondering "is he only doing this because of what I did etc..", stop thinking so much. He is either going to accept that you are sorry or he wont. And time will heal even though you may know that it will. My advise to you and him is to talk about it openly, keep talking about what is bothering you and what is bothering him. If he says nothing he is full of ****, because it has to bug him. To hold all this up inside because that will be horrible to do. Like I said remember we all make mistakes and really the way I see it you did not do anything that awful at least you threw up on the dude! Best of luck an remember you two have a beautiful daughter together.
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Old 07-13-2013, 08:01 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
12,322 posts, read 17,071,287 times
Reputation: 19556
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
So let me get this straight, OP. You went from having a perfectly innocent social interaction with two other people, with no hint of any flirting or sexual tension, then 10 seconds later you awaken with one of them sodomizing you?

Is that how it went down? Or was there perhaps something that occurred in between?

If not, you were assaulted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Percentage View Post
How does one black out and regain their sense in the middle of orally pleasuring someone else???? Seriously? LMAO. The things you read on CD. GTFOH with this BS story. NEXT!!!!!!!!
This thread is way out there, It is possible to "wake up" during a blackout abd be surprised at ones position or surroundings. A blackout involves the brain being unable to record current info. When the BAC drops the brain fires up again. But that's not the main point here:

Op is a parent and needs to accept the days getting wasted are over, esp as it sounds like a substance abuse problem. The fact she doesn't " drink often " is not a contradiction, its the ability to stop after a reasonable amount. The alcohol triggers the Bender.

The relationship sounds like the days are numbered unless her behavior changes. They have a child so there is hopefully a way for things to change for the sake of that child especially. The suicide overtures are not a goid sign either. The OP needs
some help and a willingness to make changes 100%, zmno less
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