Age gap - older woman

[nald]

Originally Posted by orangeapple

I know a couple with a 20+ year age gap. He was about 25 & she about 45 when they married (not sure how old when they met/started dating).

It sounds weird, but they are a fantastic couple. They even LOOK right together. He was definitely an "old soul" and tends to look older, and she is sort of whimsical & youthful & has aged well. Their personalities go so well I could not imagine them with other people. They're really perfect together.

Also, as you get older the 7 year gap will "close" & will mean nothing at all.

Reverse it too - if the man is 7 years older, then no one blinks an eye. People assume men mature more slowly emotionally, but that's not always true for individuals.

Wrong. It's all about the children. Trust me, women don't look that much different when they get older (ever heard of make-up*?) and in fact they compensate it with confidence. In the end, everyone ages, gets gray hair and wrinkles and their neck gets saggy (other things too).
Couples with an older woman should always include the fact that the couple needs to have desired (number of) children within reasonable time frame.

Other than that - age shouldn't matter for any soul after they hit 30, other than the life experiences and other possible differences in their lifestyles or something. Too bad that the pregnancy limits women greatly, but people who plan on having no children shouldn't care about age at all.

Yet there's one big thing to add - young people's focus seem to be "everywhere". They often think that they have vision what to do but they alter their priorities and stances quite often. If anyone considers a serious relationship, they should at least be done with their schooling/university and be in workforce. This severely limits the potential life-changing events for most people, as the first year of their employment and finishing the university are life-changers for many people's paths. The guy is 20 years old and they should give it time to resolve certain issues if they plan to be on their own... I doubt that he's either done with school or that he has a full-time job. That's a huge "no" for any serious relationship.

Originally Posted by L.K.

I am 12 years older than my husband. We began dating when he was 21. We have been together 24 years, going strong.
He was a very mature, goal oriented 21 year old with fantastic parents who NEVER made an issue of our relationship. Enjoy yourselves, be happy and see where it takes you. People fall in love with people, hopefully for their personalities, values and spirit, not their looks or age. It's good to be open to any scenario because you never know what a good match someone could be if you limit yourself.

Your post sums it up. It can work out great and yes, any relationship requires that people fall in love for someone's personality, values and spirit (and their actions), not the other superficial things like looks/age/status. It's good to keep your eyes open, but it's also bad not to think of what the "better" option is. I'm very sure that if guys were carrying pregnancy the age difference would not exist, or it would be the opposite. That's one and the only reason why age-gap is generally leaning towards the older man & younger woman scenario. In fact, numerous studies have shown that in a reverse scenario (older woman & younger man, especially with very big age gap with 10+ years) women tend to be much more willing to please their lovers - this includes much more tolerance for a worse money earner or stay-at-home partner, having much more sex and willing to compromise their working/life schedules, etc, to keep their husband. Yet all studies repeatedly show that an age gap of 2+ years happens to be very problematic.
This is NOT because woman is simply older, but because they never took "biology part" into consideration (childbearing). They postpone it until the point when most guys want to opt out, or the guy thought that he doesn't want children, only to change his mind after X number of years and when he realizes that he doesn't want his wife to bear them due to her age (or impossibility).


I have a strong belief that the future advancements in medicine will eliminate this problematic part completely, at which point you might see the guys preferring even reverse scenario more often than having a younger woman - if the "more sex, wife complying to his wishes more often and showing less demands in general" would be kept on the older woman's part.

[Adhom]

I'd say the biggest risk to your relationship right now isn't the age gap but the fact that you allowed peer pressure to dictate your behavior, like coming to this forum to ask for approval for something you thought was perfectly normal until people started making comments. So what if the consensus here was that 7 years is too much? Will you now consider breaking up with her? If you are truly okay with the age gap, the words of support here should have as little impact on your decisions as the comments made by your friends and family.